+- Little Fighter Empire - Forums (https://lf-empire.de/forum)
+-- Forum: General Zone (https://lf-empire.de/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=23)
+--- Forum: Stories (https://lf-empire.de/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=46)
+--- Thread: The Adventures Of Sonic & Electric! (/showthread.php?tid=6329)
Pages:
1
2
RE: The Adventures Of Sonic & Electric! - Sonic Boom - 05-01-2011
The Fusion!
One day, both of the heroes decided to take some guidance from their teacher Kiyart, the teacher of all the elemental powers.
They got to the Kiyart's house and asked him that when they are gonna have their representative swords?
But, Kiyart said that there is only one sword left here that can be made their representative and which belongs to a thundersonic power.
They both said that it is the combination of em' both.
Kiyart told them that they have to first fusion into one and then use it, and after that fusion is broken with the sword in their hands it will divide the sword into two massive swords of their respective powers!
They both agreed to fuse and became the legendary fighter ELECBOOM!!
And They did as their master said and had their own swords.
They were so pleased that when fused these swords again fused to one.
Today They have started their journey to become the legendary hero!
To be continued...
RE: The Adventures Of Sonic & Electric! - Electric2Shock - 05-01-2011
Hey ElecBoom is not a good name! Try to think of another one...... like Sonic Shock. Also give him a personality as the God of Thunder because Thunder= Lightning+Sound+Wind
RE: The Adventures Of Sonic & Electric! - Reaper - 05-01-2011
Now, to make this all clear: Everything related to the story, this includes suggestions (also for names), comments, critique or even grammar, belongs in here. Everything else belongs into PM's. If you want to tell somebody that he is offtopic, do it via PM as well. And this goes to all of you.
That being said, let's turn to the story. The first thing jumping in my eye was that half of your sentences start with "They". Try to get a bit of variety into that. You also have hardly any descriptions in this part. What is the teacher looking like, what are the swords like? What happens when they fuse? (Like, Firzen unleashes an Arctic Volcano.) Together with the indirect speech, the reader gets a rather distant feeling.
Anyway, I hope you'll keep writing.
RE: The Adventures Of Sonic & Electric! - Electric2Shock - 05-03-2011
One more suggestion: Why dont you make transformed versions of you & me with changes in look?
RE: The Adventures Of Sonic & Electric! - Sonic Boom - 05-03-2011
(05-03-2011, 02:02 AM)Electric Shock Wrote: One more suggestion: Why dont you make transformed versions of you & me with changes in look?
great idea!
I will make it soon!
RE: The Adventures Of Sonic & Electric! - Electric2Shock - 05-10-2011
Cant you post more chapters? I am waiting for the next episode of our story. And be sure to make transformed versions of us when a terrible evil comes when our normal forms cannot defeat them but the transformed versions can.... [just check "Transformed at last" chapter of DBZ.]