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+--- Thread: Little Fighter : Davis Chronicles (/showthread.php?tid=10610)
Little Fighter : Davis Chronicles - Gespenst - 01-15-2017
Chapter 1 “Summer Vacation“ (Click to View)
![[Image: mEa09de.png]](http://i.imgur.com/mEa09de.png)
![[Image: hjgOiHx.png]](http://i.imgur.com/hjgOiHx.png)
![[Image: xQnZZY0.png]](http://i.imgur.com/xQnZZY0.png)
![[Image: AYNeWhw.png]](http://i.imgur.com/AYNeWhw.png)
![[Image: ZNDO0mL.png]](http://i.imgur.com/ZNDO0mL.png)
RE: Little Fighter : Davis Chronicles - Silverthorn - 01-15-2017
Interesting, I'd like to see more! The way you're writing reminds me of screenplays or dramatic scripts. For ease of reading, I suggest adapting them; after all they haven't really changed much since Shakespeare
(click, click, and click). With a defined style, you'll also have less trouble defining what should be italicized and what not. Also, in terms of consistency, is the young boy called "Daniel" or "Daniels"? I've seen both versions several times in this chapter.
Not particularly grammar-thing but something I'd like to point out:
Quote:Davis and Daniels also has this serious look. Their Mother confronts the man.I haven't really gotten the picture what the first sentence is supposed to tell me. Also, the second sentence seems to prepare something quite dramatic (definition of "to confront": to face in hostility or defiance; oppose). Doesn't quite seem to fit there. Also, Hao hasn't been described all too much yet. I'm picky, I know
Nice idea with the sketches scattered inbetween. Are you going to keep this up? Or, even better, switch to pencil and paper... because your strongpoint is definitely with traditional media
.gif ";)")
Keep it up!
RE: Little Fighter : Davis Chronicles - Gespenst - 01-15-2017
' Wrote:Interesting, I'd like to see more!I will make more. I am planning to make more. New chapter every week, unless I will be busy and will have to do some other stuff.
The boy name is Daniel.
Silverthorn Wrote:Also, Hao hasn't been described all too much yet. I'm picky, I knowI have not introducted Hao yet, just showed that there is a man. I am not used to writting very detailed stuff yet, mostly what I've been trying to write is a comic scripts for myself in which I don't realy write much stuff about character unless it's a dialogue or monologue. I like keep most of the things in my head, which is maybe not realy good actualy but saves some time. Also drawing is the main thing when it comes to comics.
It's okey to be picky
' Wrote:Nice idea with the sketches scattered inbetween. Are you going to keep this up? Or, even better, switch to pencil and paper... because your strongpoint is definitely with traditional mediaThank you. I will switch to pencil and replace current ones.
Notes taken.