The World Ends With You [the story] - Printable Version +- Little Fighter Empire - Forums (https://lf-empire.de/forum) +-- Forum: General Zone (https://lf-empire.de/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=23) +--- Forum: Stories (https://lf-empire.de/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=46) +--- Thread: The World Ends With You [the story] (/showthread.php?tid=3021) |
The World Ends With You [the story] - Elias - 06-07-2009 This is a game play from a game The Worlds Ends With You but I want to make more like a story then the game so most of the things I will written will be mine idea some the games but lots of people did on there story because it talks about LF so here is the story. Day one Shiki (Click to View) Also if you want to see the game trailer here it is The World Ends With You. But my computer can't open for some reason so that's all also more chapters will be wriiten but it will take some time. RE: The World Ends With You [the story] - Reaper - 06-07-2009 ok, lets see. its written quite good, although its a bit confusing. What is a noise in your story? Ok, monsters but what are they looking like? And would there be someone saying "make a pact with me!"? The length is also quite good, but if you make a dialogue, start in a new line if the speaker switches. That makes it a lot easier to follow. I think its also a good idea to write a few things about whats happening around them while they are talking. That makes it easier to imagine the situation. I have only seen a few spelling mistakes, so another + . some sentences weren't easy to follow, but it wasn't that hard. Quote:You Two are gonna get erased sooner or laterI laughed at that one. Wasn't that funny, but in my first story the reaper often said "Sooner or later, I'll get everyone." So don't really know what else to say. Its a nice beginning and if you use the enter-key a bit more often and write a bit more about whats happening around them, it will be much easier to understand, too. Good luck. RE: The World Ends With You [the story] - Elias - 06-07-2009 (06-07-2009, 01:38 PM)Reaper Wrote: What is a noise in your story? Okay I will post the chat in this story because lots of times people don't describe them so here their are. The World Ends With You [char (Click to View) RE: The World Ends With You [the story] - LutiChris - 06-08-2009 Make sure to say who the person is talking to and fix grammer too if possible overall i sorta like it. but i still don't get it. It's like all of a sudden it's to the climax or rising action or something, idk my opinion... RE: The World Ends With You [the story] - Elias - 06-10-2009 (06-08-2009, 04:14 PM)LutiChris Wrote: Make sure to say who the person is talking to Yeah, the story is confusing in begging, because I try to write it kinda of out of the game and it's confusing too. RE: The World Ends With You [the story] - The Lost Global Mod - 06-12-2009 ~closed on request |