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+--- Thread: Little Fighter : At world's end (/showthread.php?tid=3200)
Little Fighter : At world's end - Sharkitoon - 07-08-2009
Hiyaa guys, I'm new here so don't expect me to write a good story i only make comics(at school hehe...)
To kenzo / Lf2-hacker :I changed the title...hehe...
Okay, here we go...
Chapter One
"This is Alpha to Alex, i need reinforc-" *Death Cry*
"Alpha what happen?Alpha?Alpha!!!" filled with sweats,
Alex advance to the front border,
Just in time to-
Dodge the Air Ball which flew inches away from his face,
"What are you doing?!" Alpha, One of Alex friend ask.
"What?I was playing air-ball with you!"Alex was confused and angered with the tone of his friend.
"Then get the freaking out of the goal post you daydreamer!!"Alpha burst out.
+---*~---------~*---+
Alex instantly realize what happen and getting out of the small goal post...was embarrassed.Lately he have been dreaming about the same thing...a portal appeared and creatures from the underworld advancing towards the whole city of Everlast.Known with his ability to move stuff without physical movements, or as Firzen and Julian told him once, Psychic...
Being in his age which is now 17 the same as woody,dennis and more of his new friends, Alex can still use his psychic and even better then before.
+---*~---------~*---+
Walking down the corridor, a red-haired man in his teen-to-adult age wearing his packed suit getting ready for the meeting watched the time, sigh[/size][/font] and open the door.
The room became silent as everyone see him entering...
Someone they respect very much...someone with the name of......
Sharkitoon
Chapter Two~
As Alex step into his dome, he was shocked to find no one there
"Where the heck did everyone dissapeared to?"
Just as he was about to ask the next dome...
"oh crap! Today got meeting! oh boy oh god!wait a minute, what should i wear? A plain T-shirt? no...that would be too nerdy...whatever!
i'll just go now in this...this, WHAT THE HELL AM I WEARING??!!"
Looking down on his body, alex was shocked upon seeing bloods on his shirt... sweat poured down his neck...
'Someone's using black magic-...' Alex was terrified.
'on me...'
-----------------------
Sharkitoon can smell foul aura in the meeting room...
just before he's about to sit, someone screamed from downstairs and the sound of wall crashing could be heard clearly.
Everyone rushed down just to see alex standing there his back facing them...
'no one oppose sapheroth...sapheroth the dark...'
Chapter Three~
"Sapheroth?Alex, Who the heck are you talking about?"Firen blurt out
Without any early warnings, a red glowing fireball flew to firen who got a direct hit him on the face. "Holy Cow, what's that for you big head!"
"You'll pay for not respecting me..."Sapheroth or Alex said without moving his mouth.In an Instant Firen got stabbed by a big red glowing claw.
--------------------------
Darkness...am i blind?no that thing got me...i hope this is heaven...
Firen was half alive, founding himself in black mist...Suddenly Dark Flames start to engulf Firen...
--------------------------
"Everyone stand back!"john warned.
A circle surrounded John, john make a star shape out of the circle dots in which then turn in to barrier sealing alex/sapheroth inside.
Sweating and breathing hard he said "C-call Ray, i need him to get this stuff out of alex"
--------------------------
"Someone hel-" Firen was now totally engulfed in the flame.
--------------------------
John was now unable to hold it for long "C'mon ray BE QUICK!!!"
"whoa...now that's what i call a monster" Ray arrived...shocked to see a monster with claws trying to rip the barrier apart"
With his preparations all set, Ray use one of the forbidden technique... In which was wrecked in an instant...
By another Monster...
--------------------------
In the Midst of the intense battle...
A boy watch the whole scene...without a single interest...
Walk away from the building...
Since no comments been posted here,
i plan to give the story a halt,
Just in case some of you don't understand what's it about
-This is about LF2 characters when they are adult...with new peoples of course.
-As you can see here, Alex have been possesed by an unknown creature called sapheroth.
Yeah i know...it's boring...
RE: Little Fighter : At world's end - Hukko - 07-08-2009
Wow... With this story I remember of a YouTube's video named LF2 Apocalypse.
RE: Little Fighter : At world's end - Ascor - 07-09-2009
Ehr let's give it a try
Basicaly may it could be good.
But i haven't read it to the end, sorry.
Those things or the colours are just to hard on my eyes.
And i seem to can't follow the story
Make it clearer.
RE: Little Fighter : At world's end - Sharkitoon - 07-09-2009
Thanks for the comment!
XD - i never seen that b4, i'll check later. (^_^)
EDIT: To kenzo, yeah, it's my first story after all...
what do you mean by clearer, about the colours , i'll use all black next time,
Thanks for being honest! (^_^)
RE: Little Fighter : At world's end - Ascor - 07-09-2009
See...
First of all please call me Hacker or Alec.
Kenzo is just the name of my rep character
.gif ";)")
Let's go to the story.
In the first moment you are throwed into cold water.
Sometimes this effect is really cool but your story is something like:
"C'mon here we go. Just think of what's for example Air-Ball. I won't explain it to you but it doesnt matters. Let's just jump to another character."
What i wanted to say (don't think i'm mean i just give honest critic), you should explain the little things more.
That makes a story better.
It's like:
First version (really bad):
They fighted each other.
His sword hittet the enemy.
Then he stabbed him.
Second version (may good)
Then they fighted each other because XYZ couldn't take it anymore (or insert some other reason here).
His sword hittet him with a final smash.
He stabbed him to end his pain...
Third version (Good)
They began to fight because XYZ was so in rage.
He slashed his sword an... hittet him.
With an scary sound he killed him.
He cleaned up his sword and walked away.
Just give things some details
Chapter 4 is out! - Sharkitoon - 07-09-2009
Chapter Four~
"The Technniqqque-" Dennis Stammered
"Was Broken!"
Ray was thrown 10 feets far after receiving a direct claw-rip which could have rip him in half if he isn't fast enough to dodge in time before it cut his vital part...
"yo-yyou're not a mmmonster are yyou?"
'No...i'm a demon...' In an Instant, the demon appeared in front of Ray.
-----------------------------
That's it for me, I'm gonna meet with the angel of death ...
Everything i did wrong flash in my eyes,
The claws of the demon stab me just like a knife slicing a butter, I knew that's it for me,
I'm gonna meet him...
-----------------------------
"RAAAAYYY!!!" John Screamed after seeing his bestfriend being stabbed through.
The barrier which contain Sapheroth now de-activate as john ran to his bestfriend,
-----------------------------
Suddenly all his strength swept out of him as Deep saw Ray being ripped apart,
Sharkitoon was numb, Unable to move for to much incident happen in just 10 minutes.
The others were just like John, Running after their new friend.
-----------------------------
"What the-" Alpha was speechless after getting out of his room.
'Ray? IS THAT RAY?!!!'
After seeing his friend ripped in two,
Alpha faint...
-----------------------------
Sapheroth stand there doing nothing,
smiling...he said,
"My job here is done..."
And dissapears leaving firen and alex's body unconscious...
-----------------------------
"John...i know what you're feeling..."
"But what's done is done...Ray's...gone...just gone..."
Henry with tears welling in his eyes tried to cheer john up, 'why am i trying to cheer him up? when i need someone to cheer me up too?'
-----------------------------
RE: Little Fighter : At world's end - Ascor - 07-09-2009
Quote:Everything i did wrong flash in my eyesNo it didn't...
What have i said?
Please no things like this
and stop with that
-------------------------
thingys
just make a
between them...
And make your chapters longer.
RE: Little Fighter : At world's end - Lord Anu - 07-09-2009
Make a longer chapters...
Story is not bad, but it seems that sometimes you don't know how to express yourself. Put more feelings and passions in that story and it will be good.
Keep working...
RE: Little Fighter : At world's end - Sharkitoon - 07-09-2009
thanks guy, i'll try my best but first i'll edit the whole thing starting with chapter one