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Elias' Stories - Elias - 12-19-2009 So I'm back with writting Story **EDIT** (Click to View)
'Uh , I have no clue what had happen in the past 5 minutes but I feel like someone beat the crap out of me.' I groaned, sat up-right and looked around. It looked like a forest with lots of trees and mostly what any normal forest would have accept a fox mixed wolf like creature near me and smelling air for a pray, I think. Then that creature growled but it looked like it hissed at me and ran away. 'That was really weird, really.' I looked once more around me and I found everything quite strange around this place cause there so many thing that I have never sean in my life.I started to walk towards rushing water noise and there I found a small waterfall, and glowing blue butterflies flying around a girl. She had long brown mixed with radish color type of hair and a white dress. "Ah, hello, who are you," I asked her but she ran away. 'More weird things, might as well take a sip.' I took my hands and got a handful of water and drank it. "You should be drinking that," a soft voice said behind the bushes. "Wait, can I ask you something." Before I started to chase her she already ran away. 'Guess no reason to go after her.' A quite soft laugh was heard by the boy. "Who's there!?” 'Probably my imagination, well there no reason to stay here better start going.' I started to walk to outside of the forest but it was so big. 'Hmm, should I go to that sign over there or , nah I will just go the sign it might lead me to a city or it can be a warning.' 'Finally reached the sign, man I thought it was closer. It says … what? What the hell does it says there, man its not even English related or any language that I had seen. Walking would be a a good thing to do but man am I hungry.' So I walked where the sign was pointing. Well that what it looked to me. * * * So then the boy walked towards the path that lead where he didn't knew where it lead. After a while he reached what looked like a dead end. 'Man I guess I walked here for no reason.' Thought the boy. Then he started to hear really quite footsteps. “Who are you intruder?” “Huh who's there.” “I should be asking you that, I am in charge of here.” “Well I got some bad news for you I have no clue who I am so I'll be leaving now, cya.” “Such quite words for a young foul.” “You sound young too you know.” “Well I guess I have no choice but to kill you, Proeliator of Nex here is your next victim.” Than I man with black armor, a shield, and a sword came out of the shadows in the forest.'Whoa, this guy looks really tough.' Thought the boy. The warrior charged at the boy. The lad dodged simple by turning 90 degrees. Then he jumped back. The warrior than started to spin, which made it look like a sword tornado. The lad ducked and at the same time spinning with one of his leg trying to trip the man. It worked but the warrior got up really fast and bodied slamed the boy. He started to roll back and got to his feet again and started to ran towards the warrior. Both of them tried to slam each other but the boy was kinda fast so he was able to slide between the warriors legs, and slammed him from behind. The man got to his feet and said, “well done for some one that young but you don't have so much time to life.” At that moment the warrior started to ran towards the boy with his sword towards his head. The boy remained calm. When the man got so near that they could feel each other breaths everything was to quick to be seen. One thing for sure was that some one was dripping blood. The man's face was in shock while the boy's looked calm. The boy was holding the same sword that was about to kill him in the enemies chest. He than drew the sword away and threw it into a tree, and than kicked the man and he fell. “Where are you?” “Wow, nice job.” “Now tell me where I am or I'll kill you.” “Funny.” “What’s funny that I killed one of your man.” “You know, you just killed the best swordsman in this area.” “He didn't look so tough.” “For real he was tough.” “I told he didn't seam so tough.” “To tell you the truth, the two things we do here when one of out best warrior dies , one we kill the killer, two we reward him if he is one of our people.” “So I guess I'm going to die.” “You might not die if the blackness will save you, but your chances are slim, so I guess you will d-” Before the other boy could say anything a black hole appeared near the lad who killed the warrior and he was swallowed. 'Wow, the is hard to believe. He was saved. I guess I'll need to thank him for killing Proeliator of Nex, he was getting on my nerves and he did got the enemy weaker. I wonder why does the blackness come so random, so impracticable. Well I guess I'll go back and scream at the man, this job is so much fun, knowing that you work for one side and can betray it easily which I'm planning to do. * * * 'Where am I, who am I, where am I from?' “Funny, I'm asking the same questions to you.” “Who's there?” “I'm no importance to you.” “Well do you know who I am?” “I did said that I have the same questions as you.” “Well where am I.” “Well right now your nowhere.” “Nowhere?” “Yes, your in darkness which nothing is in here.” “So, I'm dead?” “No, your just traveling.” “Traveling?” “Well everything in here can't live so it only a place for things to move in and out.” “Well where was I, or at least where I'm I going?” “Where you were was a forest by the name Geig, near the city of Geig, but where you going can't be unlocked for any one.” “So where is this Geig place.” “Even if I told you won't know, but she will tell you most what I was planning to tell you.” “Wait who is she?” Then I felt like falling, but instantly there was...grass. * * * “Hello.” The boy opened his eyes and saw a girl. “It's you, the girl near the small waterfall.” “Yeah and you where that boy who I have no clue, sorry that I ran away but I thought you where one of the watchers.” “Who the hell are a watchers,” and the boy sat up. “They are just the people who don't like people wandering in there forests, also I didn't got to introduce myself, my name is Lorean, so what's your name.” “It might sound weird and funny but I have no clue what’s my name is.” “That just sound scary you know not knowing you own name, I'll be terrified most likely.” “Well for some strange reason I'm not scared, probably because I just killed someone or its just me.” “Well that's fine to kill a person during war time.” “What do you mean war time?” “Well yes there is war right now but its coming to the end and I would be amazed if it ended tomorrow.” so then she looked at the sky, and the boy did the same. “So there was a war.” “Correct, its already 54 years old.” “That's a big number for a war, I never heard of a war that long.” “That's nothing, some wars have lasted for centuries.” “You people are nuts.” “Nuts, do you mean nuts on the trees, I didn't got what you have just said.” “Well I guess that, you are from another time period than me.” and the boy stood up. “So what did you meant by nuts, and yes your cloths don't look normal more of the Easterner even though I never saw an Easterner wear those cloths.” “Well in my time if someone is nuts that means they are crazy, also from where I am these cloths are common among many people and yes I'm an Easterner, well I think so.” “You look kinda wounded.” “Oh yeah, I didn't felt it or seen it.” “Let's go to Geig, you might get healed in there.” So both of them started walking towards East. For about 30 minutes they walked in silence and the boy looked uncomfortable being near Lorean. Also the boy noticed that Lorean was walking with bear footed. “Why aren't you wearing any shoes, or anything on you feet.” and so the silence was broken. “Oh, well first of all its Spring and the grass is soft and I like touching something soft with my feet.” “Okay, so *long silens* how long is it till we reach Geig.” “Oh, well probably one or two days, not so far.” “Yeah I guess you are nuts.” “Could you please not call me crazy, it hurts so much.” “Fine, jeash you look so weak.” “No, I'm just joking.” “Whatever, so how is this town of Geig, well how does it look like.” “I won't tell, I just don't want to spoil what it looks like.” “Okay.” Both of them walk little bit more and they both could see the sunset. They both looked at the sun which looked like a half circle with pure yellow and read making it look so peaceful and yet some much different what the boy had ever seen. “Wow,” said the boy in a quite voice. “Yeah it pretty, it calms my mind every time I look at it, and it helps me forget all the bad things that had happened to me.” So they both just stood there and stared. “Hey can I call you some how, like just a name or something like that,” said Lorean “You mean a nickname.” “Never heard of that but yeah.” She looked at him while he still stared at the sunset. “How about Lally?” “Ah sounds strange but okay.” “Good, it kinda fits you.” Now the couldn't see the sun and Lally turned to Lorean and asked her, “so where are we going to sleep.” “Well how about here since it much safer to be out here than in the forest were watchers are, and you could sleep near me.” “Okay the last thing that you said I'll take as a joke.” “No I meant it.” “You are so weird,” and Lallya face palmed (yeah the ultimate one (this is not part of the story)). Lorean than laughed quitley and said, “of course it was a joke, how can a girl like a guy that she just meet couple of hours ago.” “Yeah I'll take believe that, and you know there is such a thing called 'love in first sight' but I don't believe that.” “How can you believe something when you said you forgot about your past, and I really like you accent.” “Well I don't about that.” So they just laid on the grass and watched the night sky. They looked at it for about 20 minuets in silence. “It's beautiful,” said Lallya. “Yeah sure is, well I do see it everyday so it isn't so amazing after you watch it for a long time it gets normal.” “Final Fantasy.” Lorean turned and asked, “what's that.” “I have kinda no clue, the stars reminded me of a song from Final Fantasy VII, I think it was called Opening Bombing Mission*.” “Well how can stars remind you of that song, it does says bombing and not stars or anything like that.” “Well in the beginning it has like a star like tune.” “Oh, so that makes sense.” “We should get to sleep.” So they closed their eyes and started to sleep but both of them had something on their mind. *Opening Bombing Mission is the first song played in Final Fantasy VII when AVAKANCHE attacked one of Shin-Ra's mako reactors. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TM4ANaWfkY&feature=related Chapter II part 1 Thoughts 'I can't sleep with so many questions in my head. I really feel sorry for Lally, its hard to believe that he forgot his memories, but I think he can regain it, he already did some of it. It is still odd to remember a song just by looking at stars, and are there those kinda of songs,* hm * strange. He is still odd even though he did come from a different world. Maybe he'll come with me on my adventure around the world and I should buy him a sword, but I only have 600 gold. That should be enough for a normal knife or a sword. Should I tell him my secret or not, I'll just wait for the right time. Right now I just need to sleep.' Thought Lorean. 'Man I remembered all the Final Fantasy songs that I heard, man its a lot of songs. I don't believe how awesome they are and that I remembered them so fast and only from remembering one song. I wonder what will happen to me and Lorean tomorrow. The Pilgrims are gathering and the marching band, the marching bands howling The Pilgrims are gathering and the marching band, the marching band's howling Compassion is the flag a righteous man, a righteous man will hold The Pilgrims are gathering and the marching band, the marching band's howling Compassion is the flag a righteous man, a righteous man will hold Chaos last battle. Go now, if you want it An otherworld awaits you Don't you give up on it You bite the hand that feeds you All alone, cold fields you wander Memories of it, cloud your sight Fills your dreams, disturbs your slumber Lost your way, a fallen knight Otherworld. Man these songs are awesome. Maybe I should hum one tomorrow when walking. I wonder why Lorean is helping me, maybe she is just kind or she is a spy and I'm some person with special abilities, nah. Well I guess only time can tell what will happen. I should go back to sleep. Man the stars are beautiful.' Thought Lally. Chapter II part 2 The Organization Ten figures were siting on chairs that almost looked like thrones. Their were waiting for one more person to come. The man came shortly. “Why were you late Lugarus,” asked one of the man that had deep voice, almost as an aged man. “Sorry, something really interesting happened, something that might change everything that we have seen.” “Changing the whole future by one event, huh, funny that is, now that you mentioned it I can see the future is all clouded.” “See.” “Well what is this event that happened?” “A person had just 'moved' into our world and one had just died.” “That's normal Lugar, you should know better, there must be balance as long as there are no wars.” “Yes I know but the balance doesn't kill another man by sword but by natural means, or just make a person crazy so they kill them self to balance of the world.” “So are we balanced or not.” “I think either, it might be a war that is coming up.” “So you say this magician or a man with high skills transported himself into here and will start a war.” said another man with a lighter voice. “I'm sorry to disappoint you Saru, I now you like any man with high intellect and I like any beautiful girl and lads that are my age or younger, and that person who came here was a young lad, but I couldn't get any information from him.” “So who send this boy or how did he get here,” asked Saru. “Well as I said I couldn't get any information.” “So you're saying he is defended from getting his mind,” said a fourth man. “No, he just simply forgotten all his memory.” “So someone erased it,” asked Saru. “No, he remembered some 'music' from something he called Final Fantasy.” “Huh, I heard that name before, but really long time ago, I just can't remember,” said the man in the furthest left. “That's good, we have some information.” “So, is he traveling by himself,” asked the first man. “No, he is traveling with a girl, her name is Lorean, she is not from my area, not sure from which area she is.” “Well I remember I child named Lorean in Koluras, but she moved when she was four years old, and since then I never heard of her,” said Saru. “So wise man Maruis (the first man), what will we do now?” “From now on all of us will have couple of jobs, one is to keep watch of our own area, I'll tell you later but not right now. I must think over all the events that had happened. For now you are all dismissed.” Now everyone stood except Maruis who was in deep thoughts. Everyone went their way except Lugar and another man who didn't speak during the meeting. “So what did you see Robert,” asked Lugar . “You really know who's mind to read, don't you Lugar.” “You are the only one who can see the future the farthest and you did saw something, don't try to lie to me.” “Well yes I did see an event, an event that I really think will ever happen. It has you in it.” “So what is it?” “What I saw was a memorial, or a gravestone of someone and that someone was you Lugar, I could only see your name on the stone. The scenery was green plains, with many colorful flowers, it really looked like a masterpiece of someone who really likes nature, but let me get to the point. A stone with your name on it was on the ground and there came a girl in a blue dress and she carried one flower. She placed the flower on the stone and smiled. She said something that was really interesting and important but the whole scene of that future I can't see for some odd reason. It feels like someone showed me it and that is it. Sorry I would say everything but I just don't know.” “Don't worry I know you told me everything. So basically your saying that I'll become a mortal.” “Yes, strange, for us to become an mortal. That looks impossible, many tried and many failed.” “Yes, but who knows, the Five did turn into mortals and still had their power and everything.” “That is not really true, its a thought, some say they died, other say what you just had. I believe that they are alive, especially after that vision.” “You mean that you didn't see that but some one showed it to you.” “Of course, each time I see an event in the future it sticks in my memory, but when someone shows or tells me something I can forget easily even if it is something important.” “That makes sense, but only time can tell the future.” “Wait.... I just saw another scene, it is the same one, but there are thirteen people here now, three girls and eight lads. Non of them I have ever seen before.” “More and more interesting things are happening.” “Well let's go and see this boy.” “Oh, and don't call him boy, Lorean gave him a name,Lallya.” “That sounds very odd, I wonder why she named him that.” “I don't know we can check them out and maybe find out.” So both of them walked through a door. Chapter II Final part The Adventure Continues “Wake up sleepy head,” said Lorean while Lallya was lightly sleeping. “You shouldn't bother people while they are asleep,” said Lallya in a weak voice. “Get up we should be going soon,” and at that moment Lallya opened his eyes and saw how close Lorean's face was to him. He then immediately woke up, almost jumped. “Okay so where are we heeding,” asked Lallya in a little weak and shocking voice. “You look a bit scared and nervous,” said Lorean. “It's nothing let's just get moving.” Lorean looked at what direction the sun was and said to go north. They both walked in silence for some long period of time before talking. All of their walk took place on the plains, they saw some trees go by their way, but few of them. “I'm a bit hungry,” said Lallya. “Sorry I got nothing, you can eat when we get to Geig, and you did drink some water in that pond.” “Yeah, but will there be a pond or somewhere where we can drink some clean water on our way.” “Yes, and it should be just a two hours walk.” “That's good, also why did you tell me not to drink that water in that pond back then.” “Oh, I washed my self there, but you drank it after like an hour,” and Lorean turned back to see Lallya twitching. “What are you doing,” asked Lorean. “Nothing...just....don't tell me that stuff anymore.” So they started to walk again. It was almost noon, and both of them were thirsty of the hot weather. They walked and walked, thirsty, sweating, and tired from all the heat. “Is it really that hot during spring in this area,” asked Lallya. “Well in the open it is hot most of the time, even thought the winters are dreadful cold,” said Lorean. “So your not from this region?” “My hometown is actually far from here, you need to travel by sea to get from here to there.” The walked upon grassland for long time. It was after two hours of long walk that they have spotted some kinda forest, just a mile away from them. “Hey,” said Lallay. “Yeah,” said Lorean in response. “Do you think there is pond, or something of what we can drink from.” “I think so, when I was going to Geig forest I came by another forest and took a sip from a pond, so ye-” Before Lorean could finish he sentence Lallya started to run like crazy towards the forest. Lorean looked at Lallya strangley, and got idea to join. Both of them wear running, Lorean looked puzzled, while Lallya looked like an possessed person. Than Lallya turned while still running and started to run backwards, and still keeping his speed. “Come on Lorean, try to catch up,” screamed Lallya. Lorean looked a bit surprised to see someone is able to run backwards that fast and calm like Lallya. Lorean tried to get closer, but she was a little bit further from Lallya. “How are you doing that,” screamed Lorean. “Just doing it, you know like when you do something. It feels great,” and immediately Lally turned his whole body. Now Lally was running normally, and still Lorean couldn't catch up to him. After two minuets both of them were in the forest, and it started to get harder to run. Lorean started to walk because she was out of breath, still amazed by Lallya running. “Lally wait for me,” screamed Lorean. She walked and found Lally all wet, laying on the grass. She came near him and sat, hugging her leg. “What happened,” she asked. Lally showed a his fist hitting his hand and then he made some splashing noise. “Does that mean that you jumped into water,” asked Lorean. Lally give a thumbs up. Lorean walked to the waterfall and picked up a lather bag. She then took a sip of water. Lorean came back to Lally and she saw that he was wearing different cloths. Lallyawas wearing now a shirt with light blue background and small islands with palms on them, his shorts were the same as the shirt. Lorean was shocked by what she saw and now was looking at the sun. Lally rolled over and sat up. He looked at Lorean and said “should we go on.” “Sure, but we can just relax here for a while,” said Lorean. They both walked a bit deeper into the forest. They walked in search of something. Lally was looking for a large stick, and Lorean was just looking for a fruit tree. They spent two hours of searching what they wanted and were unlucky. “So do you have any hobbies Lorean,” asked Lally. “Well not really, only traveling. What about you,” said Lorean. “I don’t know, maybe writing, and running” said Lally in a weak voice. “So did you ever wrote something interesting,” asked Lorean. “I think I wrote a story, but I don’t know what I wrote,” said Lally. “Should we get back to the waterfall,” asked Lorean. “I think it would be better if we go to the city,” said Lally. “I guess so,” Said Lorean. They walked for about three hours and it was getting much darker. They were still in the forest, and it looked like Lorean was lost where she was going. “I think we went the wrong way,” Lorean said. “ARE YOU SAYING WE ARE LOST!!!” In that moment a large roar was heard in the forest. Both of them were paralyzed from one roar. “Lorean do you know what that was,” asked Lally. “No but its better if WE RUN!!!” Both started to run away from the horrible noise. Lally stopped just to look back and saw a large creature with one large horn, it was like a rhinoceros but redder. Lally then came back to running away. They then split into two directions but the creature was after Lally. Lally was looking for something to kill the beast. He stopped running and turned back. He noticed a sword next to him picked it up and stopped the creature. He was standing watching into the animals red eyes. He charged at it and slashed his sword at the animal. He made a scar on it but then it hit Lally with its horn and it scratched Lally and now was bleeding. Then it picked Lally up and threw him. Lally hit one of the trees and was badly injured, and blood was coming from his mouth. He got up and was barely standing. The creature was trying to stab Lally but he was barely able to dodge. Lally screamed and slashed the creature. It fell and Lally came to it and stabbed his sword on the creatures head. Lally then fell on the ground. “Lally! Lally! Where are you!?” My new Story (Click to View)
Day 1 Here I was in the middle of nowhere, in front of a school that look like a castle. It was one of the school that you live in. It might sound bad but that is the only option for me, but I think I’m going too far. It’s best if I introduce myself, my name is Nick. Right now I’m in the middle of England but I’m an American. The reason that I’m in England is because my parents move a lot and this time I have to stay in England, and now I have to live in England for the rest of my learning years. Also my parents won’t be in England so that is why I have to live in a school. Also this is a school is only for girls. Hey don’t think I’m a girl or something like that. The reason why is because my parent are nuts and most schools that I was I got suspended because of breaking some noses to some annoying people all guys. So that is the reason why I have to go to an all girls school. Another bad thing about being here is that if I get caught of something suspicious they have every right to through me out so I can’t kiss any girl be with them super close and all that other stuff. So that is how it is. Then an old women came out and said “you must be Nicholas.” Michel looked at her and thought ‘she is probably the director of this school. I hope not all of the adults her age,’ and then Nick said “yeah I’m Nick Windfield, and you are,” asked Nick. “I’m Sally Holler the director of Yulston,” said Sally and looked at Michel with a smile while he looked at her with a straight face. “Well we should hurry to your class,” said the director. Nick got his backpack and another bag. They walked in and the place was really big, it felt that the inner part was bigger than the outside. The entering hall was really big, there were two stairs that where making a curve and there was a girl. The girl was about meter 1.7 and she wore a red and white school uniform, Michel could get a good look at her because she was to far. “Ah Lorean good thing you’re here,” said the director. “Ah Ms. Holler I was just getting to the class,” said Lorean. Nick and the director walked towards Lorean. Then Ms. Holler came to Lorean and talked to her. ‘Good height, black flawless hair, brown eyes, nice tits, not fat and not thin, a perfect form, and she is just sixteen . This is great,’ thought Nick and his eyes burst up. ‘But she is probably like one out of ten of every girl in here and there are about 1200 in this school that is good,’ though Nick. “Well that is all Lorean, now I going back to my office,” said Ms. Holler and left Nick and Lorean. “So your name is Nick, you are an American, and you are a guy,” said Lorean in a questioning voice. “Yeah you want to know something more,” asked Nick. “Yeah, why are you in this school,” asked Lorean. “To make a long story short I’m in here because putting me next to an idiot is a bad idea that’s all,” said Nick. “Okay, well I’ll only say one thing for now, my name is Lorean and I have all classes with you so for today I’ll help you with where you’ll live and your classrooms,” said Lorean. “So that’s all, okay so let’s hurry to the class,” said Nick. Both of them walked some corridors. “The first class is math, I’m so late,” said Lorean and opened the door. “Lorean why where you late,” said the teacher, she in mid 20 and she was a blond. Then Lorean came to the teacher. Nick turned towards the class and looked at all the girls. ‘Same uniform, I guess I’ll have to wear something like that but man some of them look fine and other just look hot, thank you god,’ thought Nick. “So this is the new student, Nicholas Windfield (and all girls started to giggle). Nice to meet you I’m Ms. Felly. You can take that seat,” pointed Ms. Felly. “Also Nicholas take your bags to your room on lunch, and here are you books,” said Ms. Felly and gave him two books. Nick looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:59. The classroom bell rang. “You got your homework for tomorrow so you all be going now,” and everyone got their stuff and got out. “Come on Nick, we are going to be late for history,” said Lorean. “Douh,” said Nick quick and short. “You don’t like history,” asked Lorean. “Yeah mostly hate it,” said Nick. They walked some more corridors and all the girls Nick looked at him weird. “Here is the history class, also the teacher’s name is Kelly Lorenskin. Try not to mess with her,” said Lorean and walked in the room, and Nick right behind her. The class looked almost the same like the math class accept an older teacher and few history things on the walls. The class felt like an eternity like the math class for Nick. “Let’s go Nick,” said Lorean waiting for him near the door. Nick got his bags and walked out of the classroom with Lorean. “When is lunch,” asked Nick. “At 1:55 PM,” said Lorean. “So after next class, man I wish it was earlier,” said Nick with a sad voice. “Well you can go right now but there isn’t a lot of time to eat,” said Lorean. “wait what do you mean,” asked Nick. “I’ll tell when we’ll eat,” said Lorean. “So what is the next class, and I know you just a couple of hours and I’m getting to hate you,” said Nick. “Next class is chemistry,” said Lorean. "Too bad I can’t explode anything,” said Nick in disappointing voice. “Did you that before,” asked Lorean in a careful voice. “Well I read on the internet about few formulas and in class every was in there for the ingredient but I made a stupid mistake, I over heated not sure what I over heated but it was a small explosion and the glass exploded and I got few cuts but there was a lot of smoke and the fire alert worked and I had to clean the school for a whole month. Yeah I learned my lesson,” said Nick. “And what is it,” asked Lorean. “Read the instruction twice,” said Nick with his head up high, “or make the explosion less painful.” “You learned some nice lesson,” said Lorean in a sarcastic voice. They entered the next room and Lorean came to the teacher and talked to her. The teacher name was Hilda Misoscin. She was in mid 50s. “Your Nicholas Windfield, nice to meet. I’m Ms. Misoscin,” said the teacher. Nick just smiled and said “please call me Nick for short.” “You can take that place and take one of the books out of the shelf and take it with you,” said Ms. Misoscin. ‘At least she isn’t an evil old Dracula wife that wants to suck my blood.’ Thought Nick. Nick walked to the free table with two girls. One girl had brown hair and the other one red hair. “I probably know what you both thinks that it is weird that I’m a guy and in this school and you got a small shock,” said Nick. “No,” said the brown hair, “I already saw you on the math class, we got the same class. The only shock I have is that I have to be with you on the chemistry class, also my name is Sophia,” said brown hair girl. “Well better tell your teacher, and you are French, and you are….” said Nick. “I’m from here, UK. Also my name is Kate,” said the red haired girl. “Nice to meet you but it will be best if I won’t try to date you even though you are both hot but they are watching my every step, so I’m in no luck but still its nice to meet you,” said Nick. Nick got his bags and walked towards the door. “Finally its over, fooooooooooooooood,” said Michel with a happy face. “But first we will have to go to my room, okay because I don’t want to carry my stuff to lunch,” said Lorean. “You are one Banagaster Witch,” mumbled Nick and walked with Lorean to her room. They walked some more corridors and they have walked pass the dining room and it was huge. Nick was in shock when he saw how big the dining room was and how big the door was. “Well how war your room is from here,” asked Nick. “Don’t worry not so far, about 1 minute from here,” said Lorean. They walked towards another door and Lorean told Nick. He waited for 30 seconds and then opened the door and looked inside. What Nick saw was a huge room with two stairs leading to two different rooms and Nick guessed that one room was like an office and the other with beds and cloths. The first level had a HDTV two bookshelf, and few chairs and couches. Then Nick saw how Lorean walked out of one room. Nick closed the door and pretended to see nothing. “Let’s go,” said Lorean walking out of her room. “Just a question, is that your room or what,” asked Nick. “Of course not, there are about 800 students and there are about 98 rooms like this and in each room there are ten beds for ten people. But you are lucky because you’ll have one of these rooms for yourself,” said Lorean. “Okay so I’m going to be lonely but with a large room to turn the music on max, that is awesome,” said Nick. They walked in the dining room. There were 6 really long tables with lots of girls and food. There was some fruit baskets, and lots of other food. Lorean walked Nick to the table at the right and almost in the middle. Lorean sat down but Nick didn’t sit right away but said, “What’s up accept the ceiling and the sky, and don’t you dare say God, or I’ll go medieval on your hinny,” said Nick. “This is Nick, as you can see he’s a guy, and a weird American,” said Lorean in a sad voice. “Oh hey Sophia, and Katy,” said Nick and sat. The 7 girls looked at Nick with a really strange way. “I guess you already know Katy and Sophia. This is Sophie(black hair, brown eyes), Sally(light brown hair, light blue eyes), Kelly(blonde, brown eyes), Alexandra(black haired, brown eyes), and Nelly(brunet, dark green eyes),” said Lorean. “Hey Lorean will he be sitting here for the rest of the year,” asked Alexandra while Nick was getting an apple. “Well I hope he won’t,” said Lorean while Nick got a PSP from his bag with small earphones . “I hope he stays, he looks so cute and handsome,” said Kelly. “Why the hell did you say that,” asked Lorean. “Because he is listening to music and eating an apple,” said Kelly. Nick was sinning some song and the girls looked at him. Lorean took off one of his earphones. “Is something bothering you,” asked Nick. “No just wondering what song your listening,” said Lorean. “30 Seconds to Mars, ‘This is War’, now don’t bother me, okay” said Nick and put the second earphone back. “Never heard that song, but you have to admit he is cute,” said Kelly. “He is cute, but so far I don’t like him. I also hope he isn’t like that for all time,” said Lorean. “I wonder what type of person” said Sophie. “I hope he isn’t one of that boring people, with not an interesting live,” said Nelly. “Well, he did get into this school so it doesn’t look so easy,” replied Sophie. The whole lunch was spent like that. Sophie, Sophia, Nelly, Kelly, Katy, Alexander, Sally, and Lorean wondering different things about Nick. Then before the break time was over they splinted and Nick went with Lorean and Nelly, Katy went with her other friends. Kelly went with Sophie and Kelly, while Sophia and Sally went by themselves. “Hey what’s the next class,” asked Nick. “It’s English Literature,” answered Nelly. “So can I die right now asked,” asked Nick. “When you’ll get annoying then we’ll see,” said Lorean and Nick sighed. They walked some corridors until they reached a room with a really nice looking door that Nick had seen. This is the English Literature classroom. Then all three of them entered and no one was in the class accept a women that was about 30 years old. Nick greeted and she told her name that was Ms. Horlanskon. All of them sat and Nick sat behind Lorean and in front of Nelly. This class for some reason went really fast for Nick but for everyone else it felt like an eternity. The bell rang and everyone got out. “Well, see you later Nick. Your fifth class is gym, right,” asked Nelly. “He doesn’t go to gym, you can say he has a free period,” said Lorean. “Oh wow you’re lucky, well then see you tomorrow or in the corridors,” and after Nelly said that she went to her next class. RE: Elias's Story (doesn't has a name yet ) - Reaper - 12-21-2009 Lol, I just wanted to write that you could make it a bit longer when I read: Quote:and I know its really long.Well, I think its rather too short. I mean, you had at least two days( for both, so its like 4 days in a one-maincharacter-story). And, as the prologue/summary says, they came from another world. Nevertheless we neither get to know anything about that world nor they are really wondering about it. You have written just one sentence about their astonishment: ""where in the world am I and who was I?" In my eyes thats not enough. But I think I told it to you already. Whats bugging me most about your story is that one event follows the next one. fire-->food-->light-->sleep-->food-->buildings. I think the problem is that you are using "after" so often which makes your story sound like a series of events. Stylistically the biggest problem is that you repeat words too often. Though I haven't counted the "and"s and "but"s, "it's over 9000!" would nearly fit here.( See, if I use though, I don't have to say: I haven't counted..., but). There are some other examples, like "energy". There is a comma before but by the way. Nevertheless, the story has some kind of potential.( somehow nearly every writer in this forum has good ideas, just writing them down seems a bit more difficult. For me its the other way round ) But don't forget not to make something overpowered like Manji killing a legion of demons. That makes a story implausible. Why am I commenting every story btw? Because you're TEH comment0r! ~ Blue Phoenix RE: Elias's Story (doesn't has a name yet ) - Elias - 12-22-2009 Well thanks for commenting Reaper but I was planing to deleted this thread and just have a spoiler with the story and I'm editing the story a lot and instead of writing like from some ones point of view I'm going to write it in the main char point of view, also my summary is changing too. RE: Elias's Story (doesn't has a name yet ) - LutiChris - 12-25-2009 it's a bit confusing to me...i would like to hear more... RE: Elias's Story (doesn't has a name yet ) - Elias - 12-26-2009 Well the top isn't going to be my story kinda messed up a little. The Real Story (Click to View)
Nick and Elias are two boys from different realms. Nick is from a forgotten land that he can't remember. Elias is from a world know as 'Verlorene Zeit' or 'Forgoten Time' a world that time changes fast compare to other worlds. Both of them where sended to Merol, a land in the great world know as Genar, by unknown forces to Man, Elf, Dwarve, Dunejet, Dead, or the Ancients. They appear to be in one body but it changes during day-time and night-time. It seams as they are to be bond to each other in unknown way that keep them together yet far away. They start on there quest simple as it can be but as time goes there quest will be harder then it seams, it may be to bring eternal peace or the opposite maybe to a perfect world. Wherever there quest might be they will have to do there best. Laying in the grass in the middle of some place where you have never bean before. Your head hurts some much if you drank 10 barrels of bear mixed with vodka, that I never tried before but have sean some man have a good party with beard and vodka and feal so horrible in the morning.Also you have no idea what your name is and have no clue of your past. That is how I feal right now from some unknown event. I strode up and looked around me, it was night and a beautiful one. I heard a stream running down not far away. I soft breeze was blowing. I strode up and walked towards unknown direction. I wondered for hours, that I haven't track down. I looked up at the sky and now I could barley see the moon now and in the east there was bright light and I fall and didn't know what had just happen. 'Uh , I have no clue what had happen in the past 5 minuets but I feal like some one beat the crap out of me .' I sat up and looked around me and it looked like a forest with lots of trees and mostly what any normal forest would have accept a fox mixed wolf like creature near me and smelling air for a pray I think. Then that creature growled but it looked like hissed at me and ran away. 'That was really weird, really.' I looked once more around me and I found everything quite strange to me around this place cause there so many thing that I have never saw in my life.I started to walk towards rushing water sound and there I found a waterfall, and glowing blue butterflies flying around a girl. She had long brown mixed with radish color type of hair and a white dress. "Ah, hello, who are you," I asked her but she ran away. 'More and more odd things coming, will this ever end,' thought to my self.'Well I'm kinda thirsty, might as well take a sip.' I took my hands and got a handful of water and drank it. "You should be drinking that," a soft voice sade behind the bushes. "Wait can I ask you something." Before I started to chase her she already ran away. EDIT: Can some one suggest a title. RE: Elias's Story (doesn't has a name yet ) - Elias - 02-27-2010 Okay I have got lots of changes in here and I know only nobody will read this but oh well. The Story (Click to View)
A boy comes from another world into an unknown realm to him. He forgets everything about him, who he is, where he is from, who is his family, who are his friends. He only knows what really is memorable. He kinda knows how to fight but not that much, he does has wide imagination but what good does all that has to him in here. Laying in the grass in the middle of some place where you have never bean before. Your head hurts some much if you drank 10 barrels of bear mixed with vodka, that I never tried before but have sean some man have a good party with beard and vodka and feal so horrible in the morning.Also you have no idea what your name is and have no clue of your past. That is how I feal right now from some unknown event. I strode up and looked around me, it was night and a beautiful one. I heard a stream running down not far away. I soft breeze was blowing. I strode up and walked towards unknown direction. I wondered for hours, that I haven't track down. I looked up at the sky and now I could barley see the moon now and in the east there was bright light and I fall and didn't know what had just happen. 'Uh , I have no clue what had happen in the past 5 minuets but I feal like some one beat the crap out of me .' I sat up and looked around me and it looked like a forest with lots of trees and mostly what any normal forest would have accept a fox mixed wolf like creature near me and smelling air for a pray I think. Then that creature growled but it looked like hissed at me and ran away. 'That was really weird, really.' I looked once more around me and I found everything quite strange to me around this place cause there so many thing that I have never saw in my life.I started to walk towards rushing water sound and there I found a waterfall, and glowing blue butterflies flying around a girl. She had long brown mixed with radish color type of hair and a white dress. "Ah, hello, who are you," I asked her but she ran away. 'More and more odd things coming, will this ever end,' thought to my self.'Well I'm kinda thirsty, might as well take a sip.' I took my hands and got a handful of water and drank it. "You should be drinking that," a soft voice sade behind the bushes. "Wait can I ask you something." Before I started to chase her she already ran away. 'Guess no reason to go after her.' "He,he" "Who's there!?” 'Probably my imagination, well there no reason to stay here better start going.' I started to walk to outside of the forest but it was so big. 'Hmm, should I go to that sign over there or , nah I will just go the sign it might lead me to a city or it can be a warning.' 'Finally reached the sign, man I thought it was closer. It says … what? What the hell does it says there, man its not even English related or any language that I had saw. Walking would be a a good thing to do but man am I hungry.' So I walked where the sign was pointing. * * * So then the boy walked towards the path that lead where he didn't knew where it lead. After a while he reached what looked like a dead end. 'Man I guess I walked here for no reason.' Thought the boy. Then he started to hear really quite footsteps. “Who are you intruder?” “Huh who's there.” “I should be asking you that, I am in charge of here.” “Well I got some bad news for you I have no clue who I am so I'll be leaving now, cya.” “Such quite words for a young foll.” “You sound young too you know.” “Well I guess I have no choice but to kill you, Proeliator of Nex here is your next victim.” Than I man with black armor, a shield, and a sword came out of the shadows in the forest.'Whoa, this guy looks really tough.' Thought the boy. The warrior charged at the boy. The lad dodged simple by turning 90 degrees. Then he jumped back. The warrior than started to spin, which made it look like a sword tornado. The lad ducked and at the same time spinning with one of his leg trying to trip the warrior. It worked but the warrior got up really fast and bodied slamed the lad. He started to roll back and got to his feet again and started to ran towards the warrior. Both of them tried to slam each other but the boy was kinda fast so he was able to slide between the warriors legs, and slammed him from behind. The man got to his feet and said, “well done for some one that young but you don't have so much time to life.” At that moment the warrior started to ran towards the boy with his sword towards his head. The boy remained calm. When the man got so near that they could feel each other breaths everything was to quick to be seen. One thing for sure was that some one was dripping blood. The man's face was in shock while the boy's looked calm. The boy was holding the same sword that was about to kill him in the enemies chest. He than drew the sword away and threw it into a tree, and than kicked the man and he fell. “Where are you?” “Wow, nice job.” “Now tell me where I am or I'll kill you.” “Funny.” “Whats funny that I killed one of your man.” “You know, you just killed the best swordsman in this area.” “He didn't look so tough.” “For real he was tough.” “I told he didn't seam so tough.” “To tell you the truth, the two things we do here when one of out best warrior dies , one we kill the killer, two we reward him if he is one of our people.” “So I guess I'm going to die.” “You might not die if the blackness will save you, so I guess you will d-” Before the other boy could say anything a black hole appeared near the lad who killed the warrior and he was swallowed. 'Wow, the is hard to believe. He was saved. I guess I'll need to thank him for killing Proeliator of Nex, he was getting on my nerves and he did got the enemy weaker. I wonder why does the blackness come so random, so impracticable. Well I guess I'll go back and scream at the man, this job is so much fun, knowing that you work for one side and can betray it easily which I'm planing to do. * * * 'Where am I, who am I, where am I from?' “Funny, I'm asking the same questions to you.” “Who's there?” “I'm no importance to you.” “Well do you know who I am?” “I did said that I have the same questions as you.” “Well where am I.” “Well right now your nowhere.” “Nowhere?” “Yes, your in darkness which nothing is in here.” “So, I'm dead?” “No, your just traveling.” “Traveling?” RE: Elias's Story (doesn't has a name yet ) - Reaper - 02-27-2010 Quote:and I know only nobody will read this but oh well.Don't bet on it. (02-27-2010, 03:19 AM)Elias Wrote: A boy comes from another world into an unknown realm to him. He forgets everything about him, who he is, where he is from, who is his family, who are his friends.Uhm... Did I get that right? He forgot who he is but still knows how it feels like to be drunk? Probably thats one of the things that are really memorable I for myself find my family and friends a lot more memorable. Quote:I sat up and looked around me and it looked like a forest with lots of trees and mostly what any normal forest would have accept a fox mixed wolf like creature near me and smelling air for a pray I think.It would really be great if you could less "and". Additionally the structure is sometimes a bit confusing. Quote:"Who's there!?”As far as I got it, the boy says both those sentences. Well, then there should at least be a sentence between saying that there was no one answering. Quote:Is the perspective change intended? And has it a special use? Quote: The warrior charged at the boy. The lad dodged simple by turning 90 degrees.Try using the "warrior and lad less often. Mixing it with the boy, his enemy, etc. would be better here. Quote:The man's face was in shock while the boy's looked calm.What did you say in the beginning? He kinda knows how to fight but not that much? Quote:“You might not die if the blackness will save you, so I guess you will d-”That just sounds a little weird. Maybe add something in between like "but thats highly unlikely". Quote:'Wow, the is hard to believe. He was saved. I guess I'll need to thank him for killing Proeliator of Nex, he was getting on my nerves and he did got the enemy weaker.I begin to wonder how cool the people in there are Anyway, its already a lot better than your first try, especially in terms of length. The end of this parts left some questions open so there is a reason to read on. There were quite some Grammar and spelling errors, and the structure made it a bit hard to read, but it still was within the limits. On the other hand however the people weren't really acting like normal people would do, for example that man in the end and also the boy. And similar to the last time: The boy forgot everything. How do we have to imagine that? Obviously he still knows how to talk(), somehow also how it feels like to be drunk and a party with a lot of alcohol but not where he came from( contradiction?). You know, I can't imagine how it is like if you know absolutely nothing about your past. Can you? Because you need to if you write about it. I mean, not knowing where you are, ok, then it would fit pretty good, but not knowing about who is your family? Still, a lot of improvement, hope you go on that way. RE: Elias's Story (doesn't has a name yet ) - Elias - 02-28-2010 Well thanks Reaper for reading this. Well I'll try to answer some questions. When some thing is in these things '(text)' that means thinking, when the text in these things "(text)" than its some one saying, just that no one get confused. Then did you see Bourne Ultimatum, the main char forgets everything about him self but he knows how to speak like 5 languages, how to use a gun, how to kill a person, and etc, that is where I got the idea. Than in the end well before the boy falls, you know there are two characters well both of them are same age just one or two years difference. Also I'll try to make the changes but latter okay right now I'll just write more. Man Reaper it feels like you got a curse to read almost every story in the forum. RE: Elias's Story (doesn't has a name yet ) - Lord Anu - 03-02-2010 Seems that you like the stories in which characters are changing worlds... Looks nice to me, so keep going. Gosh, it's good to be back... RE: Elias's Story (doesn't has a name yet ) - Elias - 03-22-2010 Okay so I have wrote some more. More (Click to View)
“Well everything in here can't live so it only a place for things to move in and out.” “Well where was I, or at least where I'm I going?” “Where you were was a forest by the name Geig, near the the city of Geig, but where you going can't be unlocked for any one.” “So where is this Geig place.” “Even if I told you you won't know, but she will tell you most what I was planning to tell you.” “Wait who is she?” Then I felt like falling, but instantly I felt...grass. * * * “Hello.” The boy opened his eyes and saw a girl. “It's you, the girl near the small waterfall.” “Yeah and you where that boy who I have no clue, sorry that I ran away but I thought you where one of the watchers.” “Who the hell are a watchers,” and the boy sat up. “They are just the people who don't like people wandering in there forests, also I didn't got to introduce myself, my name is Lorean, so what's your name.” “It might sound weird and funny but I have no clue whats my name is.” “That just sound scary you know not knowing you own name, I'll be terrified most likely.” “Well for some strange reason I'm not scared, probably because I just killed someone or its just me.” “Well that's fine to kill a person during war time.” “What do you mean war time?” “Well yes there is war right now but its coming to the end and I would be amazed if it ended tomorrow.” so then she looked at the sky, and the boy did the same. “So there was a war.” “Correct, its already 54 years old.” “That's a big number for a war, I never heard of a war that long.” “That's nothing, some wars have lasted for centuries.” “You people are nuts.” “Nuts, do you mean nuts on the trees, I didn't got what you have just said.” “Well I guess that, you are from another time period than me.” and the boy stood up. “So what did you meant by nuts, and yes your cloths don't look normal more of the Easterner even though I never saw an Easterner wear those cloths.” “Well in my time if someone is nuts that means they are crazy, also from where I am these cloths are common among many people and yes I'm an Easterner, well I think so.” “You look kinda wounded.” “Oh yeah, I didn't felt it or seen it.” “Let's go to Geig, you might get healed in their.” So both of them started walking towards East. For about 30 minuets they walked in silence and the boy looked uncomfortable being near Lorean. Also the boy noticed that Lorean was walking with bear footed. “Why aren't you wearing any shoes, or anything on you feet.” and so the silence was broken. “Oh, well first of all its Spring and the grass is soft and I like touching something soft with my feet.” “Okay, so *long silents* how long is it till we reach Geig.” “Oh, well probably one or two days, not so far.” “Yeah I guess you are nuts.” |