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Into the new world ( Updates - #4 is out! ) - Printable Version

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Into the new world ( Updates - #4 is out! ) - Sharkitoon - 08-18-2010

Chapter One (Click to View)
Chapter Two
(Click to View)



RE: Into the new world ( Updates - #2 is out! ) - Sharkitoon - 08-19-2010

Chapter Three (Click to View)
Chapter Four (Click to View)




RE: Into the new world ( Updates - #3 is out! ) - Reaper - 08-20-2010

You've rewritten the first part? It's much better now. Tenses errors haven't really become less, but well... The most important part is the style and that's has gotten better.
Two little things:
- Make sure not to repeat yourself. I mean both concerning choice of words (huge, intense) and phrases.
- The part with the burning hair is pretty much pointless. The hair starts to burn and immediately stops again.

Chapter three however needs a bit of work. At first you say that he expected the survivors to be crying/ depressed but they aren't and later you say "maybe not all survivors are always depressed". Actually you picture all of them as rather funny guys who are unimpressed by the events. Which brings us to the next point: I'm pretty sure every person would react differently to such extreme situation. That would also makes the characters more unique and more like real humans.

Also I would like you not to delete your thread when you rewrite a part. I need to see my last comment to know what I've already said. Not mentioning that I want to increase my postcount a little :D. Would be great if you could just delete the old part out of your post and maybe leave a little comment that the posts below aren't about the current chapters. Thanks in advantage.


RE: Into the new world ( Updates - #3 is out! ) - Sharkitoon - 08-20-2010

The burning hair, I don't know how to explain the heat-wave but well,
it's not like I'm a good author, but I'll improve, Thanks for the comment,
You always help me when I post my stories :)

About the guys, maybe I'll reveal their past in chapter four or five.
There's a reason he ain't sad, not everyone is sad when all adults are gone.:)
What do you mean old part? Yes the post below wont be about current chapters :)

EDIT: Thanks i already edited the chapter :)