The Great Bot War - fire power - 12-30-2010
This is my first story so have mercy I'll update it as soon as I can
It is a typical morning on LFE forum everything is going well members are browsing the forum the mods and admins are relaxing in forum HQ but suddenly the alarm goes off warning of a bot, Alectric bravely destroys it but before the bot dies it leaves a warning that might as well be the end of LFE
Chapter 1 The warning
It was a typical morning on LFE the sun has just risen, most users have just logged on and having their breakfast while checking for new posts.
At forum HQ Alectric was slumping in a chair.
“I am bored.” said Alectric
“We know.” replied Bamboori rather irritated.
“How do you know?”
“Moderator mind reading power, plus you’ve told us ten times already!”
“Perhaps I should check the radar for any bots.” suggested Alectric
“You won’t find anything since we installed the new security system.” Said MH
“Maybe there’s games on it.”
“Don’t mess with the new system.” Warned MH
“Aw come on just let me see.”
“NO!”
“Why don’t you go check for new posts?” suggested Bamboori
“Already did that twice.”
“Why don’t you go for a walk to the forum games area then?” asked Blow_Fly98
“Played every game on it.”
“What are we suppose to do about it?” asked MH
“tell me what I can do.”
“Why don’t you make us tell you!” threatened Bamboori
“DUCKSCALIBER power” yelled Alectric while pulling it out of his side
“No fighting at HQ and we have to set an example for other users.” Yelled MH
"fine"
“Is getting hot in here?” asked Bamboori
“Your eggs are probably boiling!” joked Alectric
“Now that crosses the line I would never do that to an egg, I am king of the eggpire it is probably the duck you are busy roasting!”
“That does it Draw your weapon!”
“with pleasure.”
“Shouldn’t we stop them MH?” asked Blow_Fly98
“No lets not at least Alectric isn’t complaining about his boredom anymore.”
Suddenly the door slammed open and there stood Fire Power.
“You better have a very good reason for coming here normal users aren’t allowed in forum HQ.”
Ignoring Blow_Fly98’s warning he said,
“There is a bot in the story section it has already wiped out half of it!”
“Impossible our radar would have picked it up.”
“If it did you would have been there by now.”
“I’ll go and check since I am bored to death anyway.” Mumbled Alectric.
“Follow me and HURRY!”
“There see, oh @#! he’s almost done destroying the section!”
“No bot wipes out any word in the story section, now you shall face the raft of my DUCKSCALIBER!” said Alectric while trying to make a heroic speech
“Uh oh a global mod” said the bot in its mechanical voice.
Alectric charges toward the bot, swings his mighty sword and cuts the bot in two!
“This isn’t over, Zartag will strike once more!” said the bot with the last electricity left in its battery. “So then with my awesome power I sliced the bot in two, then it said something about Zartag will strike again HAHA how pathetic.”
Suddenly they heard MH gasp for air.
“Is something wrong MH?” Asked Bamboori
“ No nothing is wrong.”
“Come on you know that we know that something is wrong.” Said Blow_Fly98
“(sigh) Ok I’ll tell you, about 100 years ago LFE was the most powerful palace on the world wide net. Until a ruthless bot named Zartag hacked our site and disabled our security system, he got in and with his powerful bot army he attacked LFE it was too much too handle for our mods, global mods and even administrators so we had to let our normal members help fight!
(looks sadly down) no one survived, except my great-great grandfather he was the admin that time. (Looks full of anger and hate) those damn bots destroyed LFE.
“My great grandfather managed to create a new LFE at a new safe spot.
But somehow they found us. And the same fate awaits us, it would be better if you all just leave!”
“No way! We shall fight for our palace.”
“Bamboori is right we might die but we’ll die with honour.”
“I am with Bamboori and Alectric” said Blow_Fly98.
You guys are the most loyal Mods and global mods I ever had, gather
all the members in the announcements area.
“You all might be wondering why I gathered you here.” Said MH in the announcements area.
“Not really I am a bot tralalalala!”
“It is that happy bot again how does it keep getting in?”
“I’ll do the honour MH cause I still wanna try out my new Koala Katana.” Said Blow_Fly98
Tralalalalalalalalala.
“Mute your speakers you cursed piece of iron and data.”
Blow_Fly98 jumps towards the bot and swings he’s new Koala Katana at it’s face
Tralalalal…and there flies the bot’s head away.
Thank you Blow_Fly98, now the reason I called you here is because there is a big war coming up.
And so MH started to tell the story.
“And that is that, so if any of you want to leave I completely understand.”
The users started to mumble softly to one another and then Fire Power came forward I speak for all of us when I say We’d rather go down among you, our fellow members and our palace!
(smiles)Thanks I never could have imagined that none of you would have left.
Now back to business the bots will attack in a week so you have till then to sharpen your weapons and improve your skill if there are any questions come to me or any of the mods.
RE: The Great Bot War - Eddie - 12-30-2010
Why does this sound like someone else's writing or stories, but instead you've just changed that you made the warning for the bot being there?
RE: The Great Bot War - chase123 - 12-30-2010
It did look to me like OliverYungo's story.
RE: The Great Bot War - fire power - 12-30-2010
I dunno but
I wrote the whole thing my self and asked permission by every member in my story
but I must confess that OliverYungo's story inspired me
RE: The Great Bot War - Eddie - 12-30-2010
That'd probably be why I've seen it before then. OliverYungo's stories are the only one's I've kept on reading whenever I could. They do make me chuckle .
On topic:
Prologue too short.
Speech on same line - bad.
Too many 'saids' and stuff. All you need is to put the speech on seperate lines and it'd be done.
Chapter 1 is too short.
RE: The Great Bot War - Simoneon - 12-30-2010
(12-30-2010, 02:09 PM)Eddie Wrote: On topic:
Prologue too short.
Speech on same line - bad.
Too many 'saids' and stuff. All you need is to put the speech on seperate lines and it'd be done.
Chapter 1 is too short.
No Somin >;3
Good story, though 
RE: The Great Bot War - fire power - 12-31-2010
I now have released chapter 2 and 3 (I released them together because they are both rather short)
and I am not planing on writing a long story but rather a short and awesome one.
I also changed the 1st chapter so now there aren't so many saids and stuff in it
RE: The Great Bot War - oliveryungo - 01-03-2011
Er, well, I suppose the backbone of the story isn't bad...(seeing as a lot of it, e.g the idea of a mod hq and a battle between mod and bots, comes from my story)
Problem is exactly that, though. That's an awful lot from my own story as well as the countless grammar mistakes. And oddly, there are...stage directions? like (smiles)
and odd spelling mistakes like "he's" when you're trying to say "his", which makes it more than a little bit weird.
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