Little Fighter Empire - Forums
The Great Bot War - Printable Version

+- Little Fighter Empire - Forums (https://lf-empire.de/forum)
+-- Forum: General Zone (https://lf-empire.de/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=23)
+--- Forum: Stories (https://lf-empire.de/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=46)
+--- Thread: The Great Bot War (/showthread.php?tid=5919)



The Great Bot War - fire power - 12-30-2010

This is my first story so have mercy I'll update it as soon as I can

prologue (Click to View)
Chapter 1 The Warning (Click to View)
Chapter 2 Secrets Revealed (Click to View)
Chapter 3 The News (Click to View)




RE: The Great Bot War - Eddie - 12-30-2010

Why does this sound like someone else's writing or stories, but instead you've just changed that you made the warning for the bot being there?




RE: The Great Bot War - chase123 - 12-30-2010

It did look to me like OliverYungo's story.


RE: The Great Bot War - fire power - 12-30-2010

I dunno but

I wrote the whole thing my self and asked permission by every member in my story

but I must confess that OliverYungo's story inspired me




RE: The Great Bot War - Eddie - 12-30-2010

That'd probably be why I've seen it before then. OliverYungo's stories are the only one's I've kept on reading whenever I could. They do make me chuckle :D.


On topic:
Prologue too short.
Speech on same line - bad.
Too many 'saids' and stuff. All you need is to put the speech on seperate lines and it'd be done.
Chapter 1 is too short.


RE: The Great Bot War - Simoneon - 12-30-2010

(12-30-2010, 02:09 PM)Eddie Wrote:  On topic:
Prologue too short.
Speech on same line - bad.
Too many 'saids' and stuff. All you need is to put the speech on seperate lines and it'd be done.
Chapter 1 is too short.
No Somin
>;3
















Good story, though :p




RE: The Great Bot War - fire power - 12-31-2010

I now have released chapter 2 and 3 (I released them together because they are both rather short)

and I am not planing on writing a long story but rather a short and awesome one.

I also changed the 1st chapter so now there aren't so many saids and stuff in it


RE: The Great Bot War - oliveryungo - 01-03-2011

Er, well, I suppose the backbone of the story isn't bad...(seeing as a lot of it, e.g the idea of a mod hq and a battle between mod and bots, comes from my story)
Problem is exactly that, though. That's an awful lot from my own story O.o as well as the countless grammar mistakes. And oddly, there are...stage directions? like (smiles)
and odd spelling mistakes like "he's" when you're trying to say "his", which makes it more than a little bit weird.