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Contest #18: Writing challenge - VOTING - Printable Version

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Contest #18: Writing challenge - VOTING - Silverthorn - 04-08-2012

In this contest, the participants were to write a story that takes place in the LF2-world. All in all, 5 people joined:

Blue Phoenix (Click to View)
The Lost Global Mod (Click to View)
empirefantasy (Click to View)

Your job is now to vote for the best entries. The poll will close on April 22nd, afterwards, the winners will be announced!

RE: Contest #18: Writing challenge - VOTING - A-Man - 04-09-2012

Me and my stupid computer!!
My calender is 1 day earlier!!!!!!!!!!!
is there any chance I can participate?? please reply

RE: Contest #18: Writing challenge - VOTING - Silverthorn - 04-09-2012

(04-09-2012, 01:54 PM)A-MAN Wrote:  is there any chance I can participate?? please reply

This is the reason why you should not wait till the last day with this kind of stuff. Also, what about the board-message that hovered over the Overview on the Index-page? I highly doubt you didn't see that either.
Anyway, I am sorry but no more entries can be accepted.

RE: Contest #18: Writing challenge - VOTING - A-Man - 04-09-2012

Quote:This is the reason why you should not wait till the last day with this kind of stuff. Also, what about the board-message that hovered over the Overview on the Index-page? I highly doubt you didn't see that either.
Anyway, I am sorry but no more entries can be accepted.
I was browsing the forum on a friend' ipod on these past days and I didn't notice it. Well, that was my mistake after all. I will post my story later on the stories section. Well good luck all contestants!.

RE: Contest #18: Writing challenge - VOTING - Azriel - 04-11-2012

let's post something useful
my votes:

BP - The aftermath
story is told from justin's viewpoint, which is new (compared to the generic davis dennis stories). grammar is perfect (or good enough that i didn't stop to re-read). something that bothers me (slightly) is that there's some parts that feel "plunked in". also, the flow kinda breaks where you first have the sorcerers disappearing, then later on you have "before they disappeared, they told me ...". but overall, it made me feel awesome after i read it :p

empirefantasy - Three heroes
hmm, even though this is a davis-dennis story, and even though the grammar is somewhat crazy, i enjoyed it somehow. perhaps it's because the story structure is all: this happened. then this happened. then this happened. etc. the part about them killing a justin and bringing it to the monk was hilarious, based on my imagination anyway


for Reaper's story, grammar is perfect, and there's a wide range of terminology which is only normally found in good stories. however, the story seemed too long for the scene. i can see your skill in writing (i think it's one of the best from those stories actually), but the plot itself was not attention grabbing enough, and i wasn't left feeling "yay!" after reading it

Phil - An unusual fighter's romance
this story was weird. it didn't really fit the title (actually there's more "romance" between davis and jan), and it kind of lacked a plot (seemed like many different events mushed together). best advice i can give is to go over your own story and read it as a third person (if that's even possible), and judge whether it's something you'd enjoy reading


keen to hear other people's thoughts


RE: Contest #18: Writing challenge - VOTING - Hero destroyer - 04-13-2012

Everyone is excellent. Though some parts doesn't fit the real LF2.
Lol."I will never let you lay a single finger blablabla"
What a coincidence, I found these phrase in the Random Image of the Day. Xd
Is Jane really that cute? :3

RE: Contest #18: Writing challenge - VOTING - The Lost Global Mod - 04-13-2012

^nope. I got my inspiration for the opening scene from there. I actually typed the exact sentences used in the comic in there. Even counting the dots ;)

@Az: I guess you are right, I didn't realize it because I got this string in my head which connects each event so I didn't see that it might look differently to someone else. Guess I can't compete with you guys anymore.
Everyone's story is great indeed, I might just have to cast a spontaneous single vote only later on, as I am not so keen on voting for just everyone.

RE: Contest #18: Writing challenge - VOTING - Reaper - 04-14-2012


BluePhoenix - the aftermath:
Nice choice of words and I like how you gave a twist to the original LF2-story. Having Justin tell the story was a nice touch as well. As far as critique goes, I'm afraid I can't add anything to what Azriel said.

The Lost Global Mod - An unusual fighter's romance: While I did like a good part of the story, it's quite apparent you had to rush it. Azriel already commented on the plot, so I'll only say something about the style, which I liked for the most part - it's great that everyone got a distinct way of speaking -, but on some occasions you've got a lot of repetion such as "Jan said... a voice behind Jan said... Jan said... the voice said...". Additionally, some expressions don't work the way they shoudl, such as "Rudolf already charged at him [...] ready to strike any minute", because, well, a minute is a damn long time in a fight.

Azriel - Cursed:
Just like in BluePhoenix's story, I liked your choice of words and the plot itself. The little stylistic details such as Rudolf being referred to as "the one with the twin blades" were the icing on the imaginary cake [Insert tired portal joke here]. The paragraphs seemed a little disconnected at times, which does befit the story, but given their shortness I'm not that fond of it.

empirefantasy - three heroes:
I'm afraid my taste varies a lot from Azriel's and the story structure which he enjoyed in particular really isn't my cup of tea. I agree that the part where they killed Justin and brought him back to the monks was awesome.
I liked the end.
There were a few rather weird expressions - such as the Monks saying "We did some magic stuff to find Julian" or the heroes "turning off" the fire - but I guess most of them were intended and I do have to admit that they added to the hilariousness of the story.

All in all, I liked BP's and Azriels stories best. Even though I don't like the idea of voting for both stories, given their similarity concerning both plot and structure, I can't seem to come to a decision. I liked Azriel's writing style a little better, but at the same time I'm more fond of BP's way of laying out the story. In the end, those even out for me.

RE: Contest #18: Writing challenge - VOTING - sadbhav - 04-20-2012

I'll make this short.

I liked BPs and Azriels stories because they weren't the Generic 'good guys' thing. Really like how the fighters were trying to keep it all hushed up from the general public.

Also, BP, awesome work on Rudol'fs brutality.

I'm not saying the the other entries were bad, but I particularly liked these two.

Also, offtopic:
I tried writing something like this but.... I don't have necessary motivation :(

RE: Contest #18: Writing challenge - VOTING - Silverthorn - 04-20-2012

Eh, I guess it's time for me to say something as well :p

Giving Template a main-role is unique. The way the story is told is similar to any good thriller-novel, plus the choice of words which is absolutely excellent. Off the top of my head, I cannot really find anything to nitpick on, therefore, ye got a vote from me.

The Lost Global Mod
At first, I thought it was only me who had trouble finding into the story but it seems like there are others around that have a similar issue. As for the content, my greatest trouble was that I could not always know what goes where. At first, we have these acting-like paragraphs, then the point of view suddenly switches. One part deals with Davis etc, another one with Firzen. Some people might like this, others might not. I, however, do like the twist with the pendant. Cursed things are always good things!
Especially the ending could've probably needed a little overwork. Julian is not pleased with how things go so he simply says "She didn't obey me so I have to kill her now! AHAHAHA". Just visualizing this sentence, fairly out of context, I am seeing a grandpa that tells a fairytale. You know, the structure "Event X so event Y will follow". It could be probably told in a more mysterious or infuriated way, not as if Julian explains or even justifies to the others what he's about to do but rather talking to Jan directly. Or something like that. And the very last paragraph seems a bit rushed; it looks like in these few sentences, there is more happening than anywhere else. You don't really have to describe every single step of the fight ("Woody kicked with his knee into Julian's chest which made him cough") but a few notable events wouldn't be bad. This is just one passage that comes to my mind but a few others do lack a bit of enthusiasm, too.
The rest is pretty much said already. Try to vary the sentence structure throughout the text; only when you really want to draw the reader's attention towards something, use repetitions. Also, what I like to do is to have a thesaurus close-by. It's immensely helpful to avoid using the standards words ("X said"). So, that's my point of view. It's certainly not bad but there is still room above ;)
Also, am I the only one that feels bugged about "Jane"?

Well, our two stories resemble quite much and could really be two different perspectives in the same environment. Plus, I dig post-apocalyptic scenarios. I really like the way it's told, so there goes my second vote.

I have no idea if the story was meant to be a little wtf-y or not, but I certainly had a wtf-expression through at least 50% of my reading-time. There are some weirdnesses here and there (Julian kills himself with a single soul-bomb-explosion? Interesting....) and some "awkwardnesses" just sound plainly hilarious to me (I really had to laugh when Monk asked "why are you so moron?"). The missing quotation-marks, however, make it hard to follow. Especially with longer dialogs, a little "replied Monk", "Davis interrogated:", etc. would have made things much clearer.
Again, I have to agree with what the others already said which I don't really want to repeat right now. The story definitely has its very own charm. It's just that my taste differs.

All in all, some really great entries. We are on a pretty high level, so let's see which result the last two days bring :)