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Contest #9: Writing challenge
#51
hehe.. *ninja cat surprise sneak attack!*
creativity hit me like 3 hours ago.. and i can present you (due to all my other problems, lets just ignore them for this weekend.. in other words i say f*** YOU to my problems) i took beginning numbero 2

here goes (Click to View)
[sig placeholder until my new sig is finished]
should totally allow people to be all trolley on their birthday :D
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#52
[] 
(05-01-2010, 07:38 AM)Magnamancy Wrote:  I don't know how apt I am at judging stories, as I tend to unintentionally
superimpose my own style, but I'll have a look Taniaetc. ^^ ~Yay :D



... alright, nice. It's pretty coherent, the story is followable and relatable
to an extent, I'd call it a pretty good effort. :) ~*Checking dictionary* I thought my stories don't make sense but they do...

As for advice, most prominently, use of paragraphing wouldn't go astray. ~Doing it.
Simply breaking the text up into suitable paragraphs would make it much
easier to read. ;) ~Agree

I could give you an example if you like. :D ~Nah. Your story's one example.
My entry's bottom I think (above Phil's)
Phil, I hope you don't mind me listing the participants (who has entered their story) okay? Just trying to help.
DubbleD (Beginning 2) (Click to View)
Hacker (beginning 1) (Click to View)
Gad (beginning 2) (Click to View)
Elias (beginning 2) (Click to View)
Reaper (beginning 1) (Click to View)
Wiro (beginning 2) (Click to View)
Magnamancy (beginning 2) (Click to View)
yea here's my updated entry with paragraphs...
Taniaetc (beginning 1) (Click to View)
[spoiler=Phil (beginning 2)]
… the pack of cigarettes his friend gave him. He took out one of the cigarettes and lit it. He usually does not smoke, in fact he hates smoking more than anything else in this world. After he exhaled a big amount of smoke, which then hid the dead bodies next to him, he started to think back.

His friend was always faster than him, no matter how hard he trained his body and mind, he still could not beat him. But then irony of life and death stroke again. In the end his slowness saved him, if he just would have been one or two steps faster he would have died with his friend. He would not have to bear this pain of being all alone, losing everyone he cared about.

His hand was grabbing his sword which was right at his belt. He will end it now, no more pain. The sword tip pointed now to his throat. He closed his eyes and was ready to do his last action, when something came up in his mind. The last words of his friend were repeating themselves in his head. “Live on, you don’t need to seek revenge or death, I lived my life as I wanted it to, I have no regrets and so you shouldn’t have either.”

He opened his eyes and put the sword back at his place. The need to fulfill the last wish of his friend was stronger than the need to run away from the pain. He straightened up his shoulders and was ready to face everything which was in his way. Behind him there was a tree cracking down.

Something was coming. He turned around just to look into the faces of a hungry wolf pack. He knew what they were up to. Hungry as they are this battlefield has to be like a dream for them. “This people have suffered enough” he thought to himself, drew his sword and was running right into their direction.
[/spoiler]
forgetlatios (beginning 2) (Click to View)
Btw guys if you'd like to inform me about your story just post...
@Somin: O.o Just trying to help...

Simoneon edited this post 05-02-2010 08:18 AM because:
So. Backseat moderation? D:
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News of my days: My graphics skills will go better. Eventually...
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#53
So when will this contest end.
Also, thanks Taniaetc to put them together, but not really much work.
So now we wait and listen.
I am back, not really.
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#54
(05-02-2010, 01:12 AM)Elias Wrote:  So when will this contest end.
Tomorrow, May 3rd.
(05-02-2010, 01:12 AM)Elias Wrote:  Also, thanks Taniaetc to put them together, but not really much work.
Don't mention it. I'm just kinda "no works today" so...
(05-02-2010, 01:12 AM)Elias Wrote:  So now we wait and listen.
Listen to what? Music? Reading's more precise for me.
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News of my days: My graphics skills will go better. Eventually...
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#55
mine:
if you want to know what happened next, i'll just say he traveled through time. i like time.
[Image: UB2.gif]
FrozenFiren|Devid|Sprites

News of the day 19th Sep 10: Someone's back on track
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#56
(05-02-2010, 06:10 AM)forgetlatios Wrote:  mine:
if you want to know what happened next, i'll just say he traveled through time. i like time.
Added to entries.
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Graphic Stuff|Tania|Indo Fighter|Sprites|Comics|
News of my days: My graphics skills will go better. Eventually...
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#57
@tania: no problem.. help is always appreciated.. (at least for me, maybe somin would go rage.. XD) Harr harr, I just did :P - Simoneon Mind if I join the rage-spree? ~ Blue Phoenix
You are always welcome!
Rage brother ;D - Simoneon

@the others: critics would be helpful :D
[sig placeholder until my new sig is finished]
should totally allow people to be all trolley on their birthday :D
Thanks given by: Taniaetc
#58
... I don't have the time to spare to critique them all.
[Image: m003.gif]

At a glance I'd say they're all decent, at the very least. :)


*corrected some typos in my own. ^^;


Edit: Over 400 Posts 8-)
Trust you're all well.
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#59
^ damn you i only got 333 words :p
[sig placeholder until my new sig is finished]
should totally allow people to be all trolley on their birthday :D
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#60
^yeah, that would have been my main critique point as well. It's a great story, but really a bit short. Other than that the only things I spoted are:
- cigarrettes and swords? Which time are you in? Maybe use tobacco or something instead.
- a few tenses errors. "He would end it now" I think and the thing about his past should probably be told in past perfect, though that sounds a bit akward.
I'm really happy that creativity hit you. We got 10 stories already, I hardly can believe this. It#s going to be a tough vote.
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