The magic cape!!

[The Lost Global Mod]

okay... i guess you have waited enough simon...
btw don't mix it up... i am evil junior mod... bp is evil mod.. he is far more evil than i am.. (my ideal )
lets get it started!

i will comment both.. adam's and hacker's version

adam's version

Pros:

• You tried
  
• You tried
  
• and You tried
  

Cons:

• grammar is not that good..
  
• sometimes it is not understandable
  
• i can't call that story
  
• to less words
  
• the idea is not that good..
  
• no paragraphs
  
• too much happenz at ones
  

summary:
seriously your story is not describeable (you can take that for good or for bad.. just as you want). From the word length its more like an short story, but doesn't really appeal to me. Nothing against you in person.. but you should take more effort for it next time. I know stories are not everyone's speciality (looks at himself) but you should try harder. An good story is not created in 5 mins or less.
It takes time alot of time.

hacker's version

Pros:

• Grammar and spelling errors fixed
  
• its now understandable
  
• some paragraphs
  
• you tried harder than adam
  

Cons:

• the content is still .. not good
  
• its still too short.. and not really interesting
  
• still too much actions at once
  

Summary:
I can't really say more than to adam's version. You improved it alot and made the best out of it but still its not really good.. i even think its crap. Anyways thanks for your effort..


so now that i am finished.. everybody who thinks i am an a**hole.. can just say it here.. i won't warn, hurt or do anything else to him/her. i know that i am one