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Contest #9: Writing challenge
(04-29-2010, 01:57 AM)Elias Wrote:  @Hacker/not so much in writing like me people (i understand this as People who can't write so good)
Frist bring your story on!
And then we'll see!
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Well, in contrast to what Elias mentioned, I've had a couple neat ideas
thanks to 1 of the 2 openings, which could be considered happy. :p

I'm writing. I'm really enjoying it too. ^^ will be submitted before the due
Trust you're all well.
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beginning 2 (Click to View)
...a little toy mouse, which beeped, when he squeesed it. He threw it angry to the ground, but it bounced back and hit him right in the face.
-Ouch! he said really pissed off.
As he looked around himself he noticed that one of the corpses moved. He stepped closer and scared the little cat, which had been hiding under the dead soldiers cloak. It was getting dark. He started to walk slowly away through the battlefield. As he walked he started to hum a melody, which normally wouldn't fit in this kind of sad situation, but he felt it cheering him up. He stopped next to a body, whose face was hidden under a hood. Gently he picked the sword next to the corpse and continued his march. Suddenly he stumbled over a body and fell to the ground, stabbed by his own sword. Slowly his eyes were closet and he fell next to the body, which he had stumbled over. He knocked on the corpse so it turned around and it was his own brother.
Then, out of nowhere a dark body rose up. He glared at the dead hero with hate. At last he said with a voice, which echoed through the battlefield:
Fail, noob.
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hope nobody is disappointed, BUT
i am not going to join this one.. i have too much on my mind and every word i type is only because i force myself.. you can say hurt myself.. I am at my end i guess (storywise). So yea, wish you all luck and i hope you can break your limits.
[sig placeholder until my new sig is finished]
should totally allow people to be all trolley on their birthday :D
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Owww... teh whiskas-identical-purple-wise-cat isn't joining.
Sad and happy for me. (honestly ;))
Sad because u hurt urself.
Happy because there won't be one of the greatest writers joining... so I have higher percentage of winning :D.
[Image: abstractdaad.png]
Graphic Stuff|Tania|Indo Fighter|Sprites|Comics|
News of my days: My graphics skills will go better. Eventually...
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That sucks to hear Phil, I hope whatever it is heals alright...

Well, here's the intro I chose.

Introduction 2 (Click to View)

And here's the story I wrote.

You'll want to have a bit of time to spare to read it, it itself is about 5
times longer than the introduction. ^^

Trust you're all well.
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I took Reaper's advice:D, and now rewriting/rephrasing/whatever my story...
Here anyways.
Yeah, quite long, once again. Die reading it ;) (Click to View)
How's that? Better?
Oh, forgot to state that beginning 1 is 195 words long. My story's 1368 (with beginning) words which sucks. WHY DO I WRITE TOO LONG?!
And btw, please read it. Please guys! I wanna be a great writer!
[Image: abstractdaad.png]
Graphic Stuff|Tania|Indo Fighter|Sprites|Comics|
News of my days: My graphics skills will go better. Eventually...
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I don't know how apt I am at judging stories, as I tend to unintentionally
superimpose my own style, but I'll have a look Taniaetc. ^^

... alright, nice. It's pretty coherent, the story is followable and relatable
to an extent, I'd call it a pretty good effort. :)

As for advice, most prominently, use of paragraphing wouldn't go astray.
Simply breaking the text up into suitable paragraphs would make it much
easier to read. ;)

I could give you an example if you like. :D
Trust you're all well.
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Don't think you have to write in here, Phil. You never should force yourself to writing. I did that quite sometimes as well, but I never was satisfied with the result.

Just a small edit from my side. I only changed the diary entry, now it sounds a lot better and realistic to me. Still, any improvement suggestions are welcome. Very nice stories, both of you. This is going to be a tough vote( especially if one or two more are going to join)
Hunting forever (Click to View)
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Okay I'm rewriting my horrible story.
I hope its okay for you Magnamancy if I copy how you made the beginning look.
Yeah this should be better (Click to View)
THE END muhahaha this took long time to write.
I am back, not really.
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