Jormungon - The Faceless Snake.

[Dagger94]

This is my first short story.
Anyhow, just a note..
The personal names Ive used in this story are the names of my friends, the rest of the details about them are made up.
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According to Old Norse Sagas the Jormungandr or Midgard Snake is a gigantic snake, so large that he could wrap his body around the whole earth and still bite his tail, also according to those legends he was defeated by the god Thor who died in the battle aswell.
Well according to my expirience, that thing is real, not a legend and its not as big as the sagas tell and one little. There is also a little detail that was skipped in the old stories, the beast wears the faces of his prey, because he has no visage of his own.

It was a typical sunday morning, I woke up late after working like crazy in the lab and the Jungles of the Amazon in Brazil, by that time, Elisa my sister already had a successful restaurant in Manaus and I was working with the local reptiles, Both of us were living the dream.
Anyhow, that sunday morning I got a text from Morgan Deon, A co-scientist and a close friend of mine since our childhood. The text said "Im in Brazillia, bud, come and pick me up from the airport".. Well how could I refuse that woman?! I couldnt so ofcourse I drove over there and got her back to my place, we set up all day on the on the balcony traiding stories. After Nights fall I took her out to a near by village, The locals were really nice and inviting, until suddenly a cold wind started blowing, The locals were whispering something in fear, then a sound of something crawling was heard. Morgan who saw the snake froze in fear, I stood with my back turned to it, she said in a terrified tone "Behind.. you.." I turned around and saw a huge serpant with a face of a Jaguar aiming to devour me with its Jaw, my first thought was "Im not getting eaten by that thing" so I grabbed the torch near by and threw it in the beast's mouth, then I grabbed the terrified girl's hand and ran out of there as far as possible and as we ran I could hear its chilling squill.
We got to my house after we entered I asked her "Are you alright?" She replied with "Yes I am, just a little shocked, I wonder what that thing is" and Ive answered "I have got no idea, Darling". That night was a sleepless night full of thoughts about the creature we had encountered

The morning after we went out to see if anyone knows what is this Serpent like being, and we found that the locals see it as a representation of the devil on earth, which is here to punish the sinners, Well to be quite honest me and Morgan laughed about that theory. She heard theres a man named Jan Korolski a polish engineer who's been after the beast for a few years now, and so we met him. He seemed like a normal man with an odd hobby that might actually kill him.
We set at a small empty park and I asked "So what can you tell us about the collosal snake with the Jaguar face?" he grinned and said "He doesnt have a Jaguar face, hes actually a faceless beast that wears the faces of his prey, the name of this creature is Jormungon, one of a kind serpant which has been living for hundred years as it seems" I was stunt from the discovery. Morgan asked him "What is this serpant, where did he come from?" Jan said he has no idea about the origin of the beast..
Well all I can say about this meeting is that it lit me up even more I was extremely eager to find the Jormungon and find out more about him..

I returned with Morgan back to my house and she fell asleep from exhaustion. then I went to Elisa's restaurant and told her about what happened, she said "I know you will go after that thing and Im coming with you brother." The hour was around 4pm when we went out to the Jungle. There it was a huge snake, it had just prayed on a couple of Tapirs and then I saw how he "wears" the face of a Tapir.
Suddenly it dissappeared and then I felt getting hit by something solid, Probably the tail of the snake who was just passing by us. The last thing I heard before passing out was Elisa's scream.. I woke up in the middle of the night lying by my sleeping sister in a ring made by the serpants body.. When Elisa woke up the snake suddenly raised its head and we heard it speak to us his voice was really deep respembling trumpets and he said to us. "I am The Jormungon, I came here to protect these forests from greedy hairless apes who tear them down, I do not harm the innocent and I do not prey on your kind." as he was talking his faces kept changing which made the conversation a little creepy. He said "climb up on my back and I'll take you to your nest" and so we did, the next morning, we climbed on the serpents back and he took us home, any local who saw The Faceless Snake approach just ran into their house and locked up with fear of being devoured, We got home and thanked the snake. He dissappeared back into the woods, and Ive never seen him again.

-THE END-

[InPhiKnight]

That's a good short story.

[Reaper]

First of, very nice for a first story. I like the story itself and that you connected it with an existing myth, even though there don't seem to be any similarities apart from both of them being a snake. Then again, I don't know much about norse mythology.
Grammar and spelling are quite fine. Although there are some mistakes (of course, serpent, colossal, a few missing commas or periods, capitalization) they don't disturb the reading flow. The tone of the story comes across rather casual, a little as if you were directly telling the story to someone, which is fine if that is what you are going for.
What you might want to work on are the scenes where the action happens. For example when they meet the serpent in the jungle, they are knocked out in just about one line (On that note, words like 'probably' can bedim and thus weaken action. Not always, but the threat exists).
Either way, good job. I hope you stay at it and we'll get to see more stories from you some other time.

[Dagger94]

First of, very nice for a first story. I like the story itself and that you connected it with an existing myth, even though there don't seem to be any similarities apart from both of them being a snake. Then again, I don't know much about norse mythology.
Grammar and spelling are quite fine. Although there are some mistakes (of course, serpent, colossal, a few missing commas or periods, capitalization) they don't disturb the reading flow. The tone of the story comes across rather casual, a little as if you were directly telling the story to someone, which is fine if that is what you are going for.
What you might want to work on are the scenes where the action happens. For example when they meet the serpent in the jungle, they are knocked out in just about one line (On that note, words like 'probably' can bedim and thus weaken action. Not always, but the threat exists).
Either way, good job. I hope you stay at it and we'll get to see more stories from you some other time.

Oh yeah, I just got distracted in the middle of the writing a few times, that might be the problem there.