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LeoGautama (Click to View)
that first " character starts a passage, but is never closed. it bugs me 
plot:
Average. There's many mini-plots trying to support your main plot, but there are too many questions to make the story cool (as in, you do want to leave some questions unanswered, but not too many).
story flow:
Consistent, but not smooth. Mainly due to the number of holes in the plot, but also due to:
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
Alright. Not epic but not bad.
not voted.
plot:
Average. There's many mini-plots trying to support your main plot, but there are too many questions to make the story cool (as in, you do want to leave some questions unanswered, but not too many).
story flow:
Consistent, but not smooth. Mainly due to the number of holes in the plot, but also due to:
- repetition of the same phrases
- opposite words close to each other which don't juxtapose nicely:
- "wild fierce animals lurk there. But they were friendly"
- "However, there's one that I did not forget, but nor understood, I vaguely remember someone."
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
Alright. Not epic but not bad.
not voted.
davis60 (Click to View)
plot:
Good, but it's kind of half done:
story flow:
Introducing a timeline to "fast forward" the story has to be done in the right way. Since your story's general chronological pace is "realtime linear", having "after ___ months" doesn't flow that nicely (at least not for a short story). TLGM had a time jump, which still kept the flow.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
Alright. Having formatting for conversation's good, but I think I prefer conversation to be in their own lines if they don't directly meld into the story.
not voted.
Good, but it's kind of half done:
- Firen gets to feel the power of volcanoes, but Freeze just has to train as hard a Firen.
- The "fusion" concept is suddenly there without any introduction.
story flow:
Introducing a timeline to "fast forward" the story has to be done in the right way. Since your story's general chronological pace is "realtime linear", having "after ___ months" doesn't flow that nicely (at least not for a short story). TLGM had a time jump, which still kept the flow.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
Alright. Having formatting for conversation's good, but I think I prefer conversation to be in their own lines if they don't directly meld into the story.
not voted.
LutiChris (Click to View)
plot:
Weird. Main thing I got was Rudolf's clone [going turbo], with characters from the LF2 world thrown in the mix. The multiple sub-plots which linked up with the main (I'm assuming the clone's line is the main) were quite random.
story flow:
Linear, but with breaks. It started off quite nicely, but from the "The clone was on the ground" paragraph onwards, it changed into a series of events that "happen". The "mini events" are somewhat comical on their own, but they suddenly link to the main story.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
Alright.
not voted.
Weird. Main thing I got was Rudolf's clone [going turbo], with characters from the LF2 world thrown in the mix. The multiple sub-plots which linked up with the main (I'm assuming the clone's line is the main) were quite random.
story flow:
Linear, but with breaks. It started off quite nicely, but from the "The clone was on the ground" paragraph onwards, it changed into a series of events that "happen". The "mini events" are somewhat comical on their own, but they suddenly link to the main story.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
Alright.
not voted.
TLGM (Click to View)
plot:
Short but clear. That's a plus.
story flow:
Flow is really nice. It's also realtime-linear, and you managed to handle that "time jump" really nice - "on one fateful day".
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
The first two paragraphcs are weird. The meaning of the sentences is alright, but the way they were phrased is distracting (it makes me have to read it again). Another set of words that was strange is "the ones who gave birth to me". The rest is fine.
voted.
Short but clear. That's a plus.
story flow:
Flow is really nice. It's also realtime-linear, and you managed to handle that "time jump" really nice - "on one fateful day".
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
The first two paragraphcs are weird. The meaning of the sentences is alright, but the way they were phrased is distracting (it makes me have to read it again). Another set of words that was strange is "the ones who gave birth to me". The rest is fine.
voted.
koori-youkai (Click to View)
plot:
I like your plot. The length of the plot is good, and it's clear. Big plus there.
story flow:
The flow is good. Consistent pace, and events are nicely linked. It's like reading someone's thoughts aloud.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
You've got a good selection of words. Repetition at the start was good for emphasis, and your descriptions were pro.
voted.
I like your plot. The length of the plot is good, and it's clear. Big plus there.
story flow:
The flow is good. Consistent pace, and events are nicely linked. It's like reading someone's thoughts aloud.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
You've got a good selection of words. Repetition at the start was good for emphasis, and your descriptions were pro.
voted.
Dr. Time (Click to View)
plot:
I liked your plot, showing how Julian actually rising to power. It misses out on epicness though, because simply speaking, it's reversing the role of humans and demons. But your plot's clear, which is the main thing I like.
story flow:
The flow's pretty smooth. There's something about the line-by-line sentences that makes it feel weird though.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
I'd prefer having the whole speech to be in one set of quotes, rather than one set per line, but that wasn't too distracting. Spaces after commas and full stops are nice. Other than that it's good.
voted.
I liked your plot, showing how Julian actually rising to power. It misses out on epicness though, because simply speaking, it's reversing the role of humans and demons. But your plot's clear, which is the main thing I like.
story flow:
The flow's pretty smooth. There's something about the line-by-line sentences that makes it feel weird though.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
I'd prefer having the whole speech to be in one set of quotes, rather than one set per line, but that wasn't too distracting. Spaces after commas and full stops are nice. Other than that it's good.
voted.
Reaper (Click to View)
plot:
Short and clear, with a twist. Though it's just one scene, it's done so well it's epic! =D
story flow:
Your story flow is so fluent, there's no flaws here.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
I think you have the best creative writing out of all of the stories here. So much detail, and none of it wasted. You've got such a great selection of words, and with different varieties of sentences. Everything's split so nicely.
corrections: "run for my live->life", and random apostrophes at odd places.
voted.
Short and clear, with a twist. Though it's just one scene, it's done so well it's epic! =D
story flow:
Your story flow is so fluent, there's no flaws here.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
I think you have the best creative writing out of all of the stories here. So much detail, and none of it wasted. You've got such a great selection of words, and with different varieties of sentences. Everything's split so nicely.
corrections: "run for my live->life", and random apostrophes at odd places.
voted.
Blue Phoenix (Click to View)
plot:
The epicness of this plot can only be dreamed of =D. There is so much in the plot, and yet it doesn't leave much space for any holes. That's really difficult to do, and yet it's done. Good job.
story flow:
The story you've got is so smooth. One sentence that probably needs paraphrasing is "The next events happened to fast, I can barely recall them." Otherwise everything links together awesomely.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
The sentences you write are so alive! There's so many energy-filled words throughout the story, and a good mix of short/long/narrative/conversational sentences perfectly placed.
Verdict? voted.
The epicness of this plot can only be dreamed of =D. There is so much in the plot, and yet it doesn't leave much space for any holes. That's really difficult to do, and yet it's done. Good job.
story flow:
The story you've got is so smooth. One sentence that probably needs paraphrasing is "The next events happened to fast, I can barely recall them." Otherwise everything links together awesomely.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
The sentences you write are so alive! There's so many energy-filled words throughout the story, and a good mix of short/long/narrative/conversational sentences perfectly placed.
Verdict? voted.
empirefantasy (Click to View)
plot:
There's some sort of plot about a fighter nearly dying, and regaining skills by training with monks, and later falling in love with Jan. It's not a typical plot, so I kind of liked it for that (I like things when they're not generic), but it's a strange one.
story flow:
The flow's smooth, and there's well defined "sections". Links together well enough.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
It's a poem, I give you that. The words you chose are so grammatically disjointed it almost seems to work again. This verse didn't really make sense though:
A thousand thoughts beard his mind
TEMPLATE
What was that? Why she..
was it tru… what was…
what did she thou…
is me?
I almost voted for you.
There's some sort of plot about a fighter nearly dying, and regaining skills by training with monks, and later falling in love with Jan. It's not a typical plot, so I kind of liked it for that (I like things when they're not generic), but it's a strange one.
story flow:
The flow's smooth, and there's well defined "sections". Links together well enough.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
It's a poem, I give you that. The words you chose are so grammatically disjointed it almost seems to work again. This verse didn't really make sense though:
A thousand thoughts beard his mind
TEMPLATE
What was that? Why she..
was it tru… what was…
what did she thou…
is me?
I almost voted for you.
Hero Destroyer (Click to View)
plot:
Short, an encounter with Justin. It's alright, not typical, and clear enough. However, I'm not too sure it fits in with the "character origins" theme that well.
story flow:
It's mainly a conversation between Davis and Justin, so not much chance to break the flow. Ergo nothing to complain here.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
You've got some descriptions, that's nice.
walloftext!! D=
You have to split the story into paragraphs, it's hard to read otherwise. There's some grammatical and spelling errors (grammatical ones distract me when reading, somewhat). Your entry would have been better if you could paraphrase things.
not voted. (deviated from theme)
Short, an encounter with Justin. It's alright, not typical, and clear enough. However, I'm not too sure it fits in with the "character origins" theme that well.
story flow:
It's mainly a conversation between Davis and Justin, so not much chance to break the flow. Ergo nothing to complain here.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
You've got some descriptions, that's nice.
walloftext!! D=
You have to split the story into paragraphs, it's hard to read otherwise. There's some grammatical and spelling errors (grammatical ones distract me when reading, somewhat). Your entry would have been better if you could paraphrase things.
not voted. (deviated from theme)
EXG9 (Click to View)
plot:
It's well defined, not fluffy, and supporting "mini plots" are small enough to not raise questions.
story flow:
The flow is good, though the part where the village is destroyed is a bit weird. Ignoring that I could enjoy the story.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
Grammar can be improved. There's words missing from sentences, but they're not too bad, I can still understand the story without much effort.
Having narration separate from the conversation is good.
voted.
It's well defined, not fluffy, and supporting "mini plots" are small enough to not raise questions.
story flow:
The flow is good, though the part where the village is destroyed is a bit weird. Ignoring that I could enjoy the story.
choice of words/grammar/formatting:
Grammar can be improved. There's words missing from sentences, but they're not too bad, I can still understand the story without much effort.
Having narration separate from the conversation is good.
voted.
Azriel~
![[Image: ZucdcMY.png]](https://i.imgur.com/ZucdcMY.png)