Deadly past (remake) - The Lost Global Mod - 06-20-2009
Hy, my dear readers!
since i have decided to rewrite the prologue, i thought i should make a new topic for this. So that the organisation stays the same 
Silence surrounded the deep, dark area of the woods. Not even a little breeze disturbed this silent and calming atmosphere. The only sound to be heard was a cracking noise. It came from a bonfire. A man was sitting next to it, holding his hands over that bonfire. His black robe seemed to be wet.
Suddenly his eyes widened and he now seemed to search for something. He then took out a small piece of paper with a picture and some written words on it. “Good, the message from ... got not wet" he mumbled. He looked at the paper with a tired expression. Something was catching his attention.
“It’s not far from here” he babbled. His left hand touched the ground in search for something. He then picked up a long, small and sharp metal: a sword. The sword was kept in a black sheath. He put the paper back into his robe and then attached the sword to his belt. A handful of soil hit the bonfire.
The man stood up, putting his hat on his head and started to walk, leaving the leftover of the bonfire behind. He was moving slowly through the woods, not even making a single wrong step. Time passed and the man left the woods behind him. He looked at the scene which appeared before him.
It’s a dark but clear night, several stars were glowing and the moon showed itself in his entire greatness. The way he was entering now leaded to the next nearby city. He was following the way the entire time when some lights showed up. The signpost which stood few meters away from the lights said “Sakai”.
The man moved on but now in a faster manner. The nearer he got to the town the more he clutched the handle of his sword. When he entered the town it was as if he would enter a new world. Skyscrapers, electronical cars and a lot of sounds which were supposed to be music filled the place he was standing at. He looked around when he saw just one thing which caught his attention and removed all the fatigue.
A girl with black hair and small, cherry-red lips was walking on the other side of the street. “That’s her!” he thought, reminding himself of the picture. He quickly followed her, making sure that she didn’t notice him. The girl turned around the next corner without noticing the threat which lies behind her.
The way she followed turned out to be a blind alley. She was about to walk back when she saw a man running towards her, bearing a sword. She opened her mouth and screamed with might and main. In the same moment the man jumped in front of her. He pointed the tip of his sword at her throat and evil laughter came from his direction. “Now you are going to die”.
Chapter one: “One action changes 3 lives”
As I opened my eyes, I already knew that something was wrong. I stood up, leaving my warm and comfortable bed behind and opened the curtains. “That damn full moon…”I said to myself. My mind was still sleepy so I didn’t realize that thirst was the reason of my awakening.
As my body was moving towards the fridge I finally realized that I was thirsty. I opened the fridge and took out the last bottle of water. I swallowed the content as if it was nothing and I then came to the conclusion that this was not enough. I was about to leave my flat when I heard a cracking noise such as if glass crashed on the floor.
My body turned around on its own and my head filled with thoughts. “A thief breaking through my window or is it another stone from the street kids?” I looked at the floor and saw what had caused this sound. One of my pictures which had been hanging on the wall was lying on the floor. I went back and picked it up. It was the picture of me and my brother.
My expression changed when I remembered him saying “My bro, Kimi, is the best” on the day I had entered the university. Only hours after the ceremony, my brother had been hit by a car and had then died in hospital. My parents had died a long time ago in a bank hold-up.
The criminals had lost control and then shoot half of their hostages. Mum and Dad had been among them, leaving me, the last Kobayashi, behind. I put the picture on the kitchen table, took a last look on it, and then left my flat behind me.
I was walking down the quiet and dark main road.
Nobody was to be seen, as you would expect it at a time like this. The display on my wristwatch showed “1:12 am”, a time when nearly everybody was sleeping. My strong need for something to drink canceled my thoughts.
On the other side of the next corner there was my destination: the vending machine. I quickly took out some coins from my pocket. A rumbling sound caused me to the conclusion that my coins were accepted. I pressed the first button for the number “1” and the button in the last row for the number “0”. Another rumbling sound was followed by plastic hitting metal.
I was about to get my bottle out of the metal basket when I heard a most unusual sound for this time and place: A scream from a female voice.In a moment of shock I left my bottle behind, running around the next corner as fast as possible. My feet were burning when I slid over to the next alley. I knew exactly where it came from. There is only one blind alley in this town, the “Mt. D-Alley”.
After passing the next corner I saw her. Small, cherry-red lips and black hair which hung over an angel-like face. My head was truly spacy until I saw the reason of her scream. A man was pointing the top of a sword at her throat. Panic filled my head. “What should I do?” I thought to myself. I quickly overlooked my surroundings.
Few cans and refuse bags but there was only one thing which caught my attention: a small metal rod. I looked over to the girl and the man but still no reaction from both of them. My hand was slowly and silently grabbing the rod. After I got it, I came to only one conclusion. “I can’t turn back now” with this silently said to myself, I started running towards the man, clutching the rod harder.
Few meters away from the man, I jumped, swinging the rod over my head. “You think I didn’t notice you, kid?” a rough voice said. Without turning around the man swung his sword towards me. I was totally surprised and without hesitation I moved the rod up.
A sound of metal crashing on metal was to be heard. I was pushed backwards and then hit the ground. My head hurt and I closed my eyes for a second. As I opened my eyes I already saw the man standing above me, holding his sword up and being ready to give the finishing blow.
I quickly rolled sideward and felt cold metal touching my face. Amazement was followed by strong pain in my left cheek. I was about to cry when I saw the blade coming towards me again. My brain was displaying every step in my life before my closed eyes in this moment. All of the sudden there was just one thought in my head. “Do not give up, your family is counting on you”.
I opened my eyes and grabbed the blade, ignoring the pain in my hand, and pushed it back. In the same moment I swung the rod upwards and hit the man in the face. He was stumbling back more out of astonishment than out of my hit’s force. I quickly turned around to the girl. She just looked at me with an expression of wondrousness and fear.
My lips formed the word “Escape” towards her. She nodded to show that she got the message. Instantly my body moved towards the man swinging the rod towards him. Another sound of metal crashing on metal was the result. From the corner of my eye I could see that the girl was running towards the next house as fast as possible. The man seemed to have noticed that too, he enlarged the force which was pushing me away. I couldn’t withstand any further and so I jumped back, blocking the way which led to the girl.
Evil laughter came from his direction. “This is the first time such a job is really exciting” he said with a big grin on his face. “But you cannot stop me, sadly I have to end our little game here” the man continued with a serious expression. “Try me” I replied without thinking. Evil laughter came from the man again. “You can bet on that” he cried, while rushing towards me. I clutched my rod harder and swung it up. Even though my rod was touching his blade it still went through my stomach as if it was butter.
My body was pushed against the next wall. Pain was everything I felt, pain in my stomach, pain in my face and in my hand. I tried to stand up but the pain forced me back to the ground. The result of my try was me spilling out masses of blood. I looked into the man’s face which showed me a mixed expression of losing and satisfaction. Then the man averted his gaze from me and looked around, in search for the girl with the cherry-red lips.
He turned around again and looked at me again. His expression had changed and he looked at me with pure hate and anger now. The tip of his blade was pointing at my head. I closed my eyes, I was ready to die. “Release me from my pain” I thought. Nothing happened. My eyes opened on their own and found nothing. The man left without leaving a single trace of his existence.
My body painfully dragged me out of my thoughts and showed me in which bad condition I was. Everything before my eyes turned darker and darker and my view got smaller every second. I passed out and fell down into the masses of blood, the only trace which was left of this incident.
so far i have decided to add music to the chapters...
I am giving credits to the following ppl (who helped me up to now):
- Ramond (he gave me the motivation to rewrite the story and thus not giving it up, also gave me some inspiration on how to describe some scences)
- Bp ( he made an uber awesome cover for it and also helped me with some translations , for encouraging me)
- Es ( my beta - reader , he didn't have that much time to read it but still he was/is a big help)
- Reaper (he was maybe the main factor why i rewrote this one and also finished the 1st chapter. i wanted to impress him even more )
- Zabobula (who has showed me with honest, earnest critic what i am doing wrong )
RE: Deadly past (remake) - Zabobula - 06-20-2009
off-topic: Wow BP...
I know its just the prologue, huge improvement btw...good job, but I noticed some minor mistakes: "The man stood up, putting his hat on his hat and started to walk" (You mean hat on his head?)
The way he was entering now leaded to the next nearby city (My suggestion: Use lead instead of leaded)
"Skyscrapers, electronically cars and a lot of sounds" (You mean electronic? Oh and you need a comma after cars)
Other than that, a very nice restart I might add...again lol. I like the idea you're playing with as far as time goes. A guy with a sword, a samurai I'm guessing (or some kind of assassin), in a futuristic landscape. Well because of BP's picture its clear...ER. Good job man.
RE: Deadly past (remake) - The Lost Global Mod - 06-20-2009
thanks..
to the mistakes..
1. i have overseen that one.. 
2. yeah i even wrote electronic.. but somehow the writing program changed it again
the mistakes are as good as gone.. yeah thats why i was so happy about bp's work.. now its easier to get what i am going
to write about.. now working on chapter one.. i guess that will take another 3 days or even more.. (lack of time nowadays )
RE: Deadly past (remake) - The Lost Global Mod - 07-03-2009
YAYZ first chapter done..
Chapter one: “One action changes 3 lives”
As I opened my eyes, I already knew that something was wrong. I stood up, leaving my warm and comfortable bed behind and opened the curtains. “That damn full moon…”I said to myself. My mind was still sleepy so I didn’t realize that thirst was the reason of my awakening.
As my body was moving towards the fridge I finally realized that I was thirsty. I opened the fridge and took out the last bottle of water. I swallowed the content as if it was nothing and I then came to the conclusion that this was not enough. I was about to leave my flat when I heard a cracking noise such as if glass crashed on the floor.
My body turned around on its own and my head filled with thoughts. “A thief breaking through my window or is it another stone from the street kids?” I looked at the floor and saw what had caused this sound. One of my pictures which had been hanging on the wall was lying on the floor. I went back and picked it up. It was the picture of me and my brother.
My expression changed when I remembered him saying “My bro, Kimi, is the best” on the day I had entered the university. Only hours after the ceremony, my brother had been hit by a car and had then died in hospital. My parents had died a long time ago in a bank hold-up.
The criminals had lost control and then shoot half of their hostages. Mum and Dad had been among them, leaving me, the last Kobayashi, behind. I put the picture on the kitchen table, took a last look on it, and then left my flat behind me.
I was walking down the quiet and dark main road.
Nobody was to be seen, as you would expect it at a time like this. The display on my wristwatch showed “1:12 am”, a time when nearly everybody was sleeping. My strong need for something to drink canceled my thoughts.
On the other side of the next corner there was my destination: the vending machine. I quickly took out some coins from my pocket. A rumbling sound caused me to the conclusion that my coins were accepted. I pressed the first button for the number “1” and the button in the last row for the number “0”. Another rumbling sound was followed by plastic hitting metal.
I was about to get my bottle out of the metal basket when I heard a most unusual sound for this time and place: A scream from a female voice.In a moment of shock I left my bottle behind, running around the next corner as fast as possible. My feet were burning when I slid over to the next alley. I knew exactly where it came from. There is only one blind alley in this town, the “Mt. D-Alley”.
After passing the next corner I saw her. Small, cherry-red lips and black hair which hung over an angel-like face. My head was truly spacy until I saw the reason of her scream. A man was pointing the top of a sword at her throat. Panic filled my head. “What should I do?” I thought to myself. I quickly overlooked my surroundings.
Few cans and refuse bags but there was only one thing which caught my attention: a small metal rod. I looked over to the girl and the man but still no reaction from both of them. My hand was slowly and silently grabbing the rod. After I got it, I came to only one conclusion. “I can’t turn back now” with this silently said to myself, I started running towards the man, clutching the rod harder.
Few meters away from the man, I jumped, swinging the rod over my head. “You think I didn’t notice you, kid?” a rough voice said. Without turning around the man swung his sword towards me. I was totally surprised and without hesitation I moved the rod up.
A sound of metal crashing on metal was to be heard. I was pushed backwards and then hit the ground. My head hurt and I closed my eyes for a second. As I opened my eyes I already saw the man standing above me, holding his sword up and being ready to give the finishing blow.
I quickly rolled sideward and felt cold metal touching my face. Amazement was followed by strong pain in my left cheek. I was about to cry when I saw the blade coming towards me again. My brain was displaying every step in my life before my closed eyes in this moment. All of the sudden there was just one thought in my head. “Do not give up, your family is counting on you”.
I opened my eyes and grabbed the blade, ignoring the pain in my hand, and pushed it back. In the same moment I swung the rod upwards and hit the man in the face. He was stumbling back more out of astonishment than out of my hit’s force. I quickly turned around to the girl. She just looked at me with an expression of wondrousness and fear.
My lips formed the word “Escape” towards her. She nodded to show that she got the message. Instantly my body moved towards the man swinging the rod towards him. Another sound of metal crashing on metal was the result. From the corner of my eye I could see that the girl was running towards the next house as fast as possible. The man seemed to have noticed that too, he enlarged the force which was pushing me away. I couldn’t withstand any further and so I jumped back, blocking the way which led to the girl.
Evil laughter came from his direction. “This is the first time such a job is really exciting” he said with a big grin on his face. “But you cannot stop me, sadly I have to end our little game here” the man continued with a serious expression. “Try me” I replied without thinking. Evil laughter came from the man again. “You can bet on that” he cried, while rushing towards me. I clutched my rod harder and swung it up. Even though my rod was touching his blade it still went through my stomach as if it was butter.
My body was pushed against the next wall. Pain was everything I felt, pain in my stomach, pain in my face and in my hand. I tried to stand up but the pain forced me back to the ground. The result of my try was me spilling out masses of blood. I looked into the man’s face which showed me a mixed expression of losing and satisfaction. Then the man averted his gaze from me and looked around, in search for the girl with the cherry-red lips.
He turned around again and looked at me again. His expression had changed and he looked at me with pure hate and anger now. The tip of his blade was pointing at my head. I closed my eyes, I was ready to die. “Release me from my pain” I thought. Nothing happened. My eyes opened on their own and found nothing. The man left without leaving a single trace of his existence.
My body painfully dragged me out of my thoughts and showed me in which bad condition I was. Everything before my eyes turned darker and darker and my view got smaller every second. I passed out and fell down into the masses of blood, the only trace which was left of this incident.
Thanks to:- Bp (for helping me with some parts and for encouraging me
)
- Don(for fixing up some of my mistakes and giving me some improvements)
- all the guys of lfe which have read the prologue (that is the best motivation ever
)
Well then.. now hopefully there is enough thrill in it for everybody
RE: Deadly past (remake) - Ascor - 07-04-2009
See this as a sign that hacker has readen your story and was amazed by it
..........\o/
~Hacker |
......... /\
RE: Deadly past (remake) - Lord Anu - 07-04-2009
It was really nice reading this story with that music( music makes the color of this story )...
I can only say awesome work!
RE: Deadly past (remake) - Reaper - 07-19-2009
poor... what's his name? Anway, you said I should read your story because you lack some motivation, so...*reading* I say: Next chapter! I unfortunately haven't seen the music, but even without its very good. And there is much more action than in my stories 
Just maybe two things:
firstly I think that the describtion of his brother's and parent's death were a bit short, or at least he should tell himself that its pointless to think about it.
finally you should maybe describe the man a bit, too. Maybe you did in the prologue, but it has been some time since I read it and the boy/man( you haven't said anything about the gender I think but I assume he is ) sees the man for the first time. So he should also notice the outlook.
Maybe you could use atmosphere a bit more( light is a good possibility at night) but I am telling that to everybody so I am starting to think I'm just too much foccused on that. Who needs atmosphere when he is in a fight about life or death?
Or, to put it short and simple: Go on.( If you don't know how, just ask. But I am pretty sure you will do a great job.)
RE: Deadly past (remake) - The Lost Global Mod - 07-19-2009
(07-19-2009, 02:33 PM)Reaper Wrote: poor... what's his name? Kimi Kobayashi ( i am very proud of this name, it's an original, common japanese name, which took me some effort to actually "google it" )
Reaper Wrote:Anway, you said I should read your story because you lack some motivation, so...*reading* I say: Next chapter! I unfortunately haven't seen the music, but even without its very good. And there is much more action than in my stories  thanks for that, not everybody follows my call .gif)
well, i have some difficulties with it cause compared with chapter one , chapter two is pretty much actionless. There will be alot of talking in it and i am not sure how to express it without making the reader bored. You know my story isn't really specified considering genres. In my story there is love, action and thrill in it. Prologue happened to be the thrill part (for now) and chapter 1 is one of the action parts. So which one is left? love right? that's why i think chapter 2 will be extremly boring for most of my readers, so i am kinda stuck cause i don't know how to make it interesting. Not to mention the "And.. what have we learnt from this?" part 
Reaper Wrote:Just maybe two things:
firstly I think that the describtion of his brother's and parent's death were a bit short, or at least he should tell himself that its pointless to think about it.
finally you should maybe describe the man a bit, too. Maybe you did in the prologue, but it has been some time since I read it and the boy/man( you haven't said anything about the gender I think but I assume he is ) sees the man for the first time. So he should also notice the outlook.
Maybe you could use atmosphere a bit more( light is a good possibility at night) but I am telling that to everybody so I am starting to think I'm just too much foccused on that. Who needs atmosphere when he is in a fight about life or death? thing is, i didn't want to get into detail that much. Chapter one was supposed to be more action-like. But i couldn't start with action right away (imgine the boy just jumping into the scene where the prologue ended, how horrible ) so i had to come up with something. Later on more things will be explained or be self-explanatory. Most likely in the thrill parts as in that the deaths of his parents have a higher meaning and such (just that you can imagine something ).
yeah you are right but fact is the boy was in a situation of stress ("PANIC ATTACK") and well do you catch every detail when you are in panic? the boy should resemble me in some ways .. and i know from myself that in a situation of panic i am not caring about details. Soo chapter one and the following chapters will be from the perspective of the boy. As in when the boy doesn't catch any details, you (the reader) don't catch them too. That is one of my problems, for me everything is clear (self-explanatory ) so sometimes i miss some things which would be important for the reader. This is my second battle scene i describe, at the first one i failed pretty clearly so i fully concentrated on the battle scene (the main thing from this chapter) and so some of the usual atmosphere i am building up is partly or even fully missing. But i was pretty satisfied with the result of the battle scene so i didn't think about changing it.
Reaper Wrote:Or, to put it short and simple: Go on.( If you don't know how, just ask. But I am pretty sure you will do a great job.) Thanks for your motivation, same goes with me if you have some problems you can ask me too and yeah i hope so. In fact i am fearing that chapter 2 will not be even close to be as good as the first chapter.
RE: Deadly past (remake) - The Lost Global Mod - 05-22-2010
hate double-posts but it is my own topic so ya
Pain and fear are two different types of feelings but they have one point in common: they have the ability to paralyze people. When I opened my eyes the first time, I wasn’t sure if it was pain or fear which kept me from running away. I couldn’t judge my surroundings at all. “Am I lying on the floor? Or am I lying in my bed? Is everything just a dream?” I asked myself.
The only thing I noticed was the darkness. Everything around me was dark and cold. All of the sudden light appeared from the back of the corner. The light grew and grew until I recognized the outlines of a door. In this ray of light, which dazzled my eyes, a person appeared.
As the person moved further in my direction, my heart beat faster every second. “Who is this person and what does he or she want from me?” I began to ask myself this. The person continued to move forward and then took my left hand. I was too weak to resist, so I let the stranger do. A short sting and my vision began to fade away again. I opened my eyes again, but this time I was surrounded by white light.
The room I was lying in was completely white, the bed, the doors, just everything. The white was too much for my weakened eyes, so my eyes started to hurt very soon. All of the sudden one of the white doors opened and someone was entering the white room. The person was wearing, to bring the irony to the tip of the iceberg, a white dress and white shoes. Compared with all the white in this room her cheery-red lips and the pitch black hair were sticking out like a sword in a gunfight.
I instantly remembered the girl’s face. It was the girl from last night. She smiled at me and then asked me something I couldn’t understand. “How are you?” she repeated her question. “Don’t worry about me, are you alright?” I answered. “Cute…” she whispered, then she nodded and said in a loud way “Yes, I am fine”. I began to blush, looked at my hands and then looked at her face again.
“May I ask what your name is?” I asked her. She looked at me for a while, I could judge from her forehead that she was thinking about the possibilities to answer this question. “Miyuki… Miyuki Nakamura” she answered. “And what is your name?” Miyuki continued. “My name is Kimi Kobayashi” I replied. Her eyes widened. “Kobayashi... “ she mumbled.
“Say, are your parents still alive?” Miyuki said to me directly. “No they died in a bank hold-up… but why do you ask?” I replied and asked at the same time. Miyuki completely ignored my question and was thinking again. “You stay here, I want you to meet someone” she said and rushed out of the room. “Wait… what…” I started but Miyuki was already gone.
Now that my eyes got used to the room’s color I started to explore the room a little bit more. I stood up but the pain dragged me back to the bed.”Damn…” I mumbled to myself. Blood colored my bandages light red. I changed my mind and decided to explore the room just with my eyes.
“There is a bed and a bed and… wait a minute, there is nothing else than beds” I thought to myself. “Where the hell am I?” I continued my thoughts. My head began to hurt again, so I closed my eyes and tried to sort my thoughts. Flashbacks from yesterday disturbed my flow of thoughts. They just made me tired. Tiredness was infecting every part of my body. My vision began to fade away again, someone was opening the door but then everything got black again.
When I came to, I was surrounded by many people who I don’t know. I got nervous and tried to get up when I heard a familiar voice. “Don’t strain yourself!” It was Miyuki’s voice.
My eyes were searching for her, but then I realized that she was directly behind me. I heard her steps, the unnatural steps of an angel which barely touches the floor. She pointed at the man right next to me and said “This is my dad, the head of the Nakamura family, Yusaku”. The man nodded. “And these nice gentlemen over there were fixing you up the past few hours” Miyuki continued and pointed now at the rest of the persons surrounding me.
“As you now know I am the Father of the girl you rescued yesterday, I am glad to meet you and I can’t thank you enough” Yusaku Nakamura said. “Everybody would do that” I said and began to blush. “I don’t think everybody would go against an ancient warrior, survive it and even save the girl in danger” the man to my right said with a little heroisms in his voice. Before I could say anything Yusaku was already speaking again. “That’s why we are here, to cheer for you and your glorious action. Therefore I would like to invite you to my daughters weeding.” He said to me. I was shocked but quickly caught myself and then simply nodded.
“She was getting married, that angel-like being will marry someone else” I thought to myself. My eyes dared to look over to Miyuki. Her look has become distant. Somehow I was sure that she didn’t agree to this. “We will leave you now, you need to get a lot of rest” Yusaku nearly whispered. Everyone left and they closed the door after them.
I was closing my eyes and thought to myself “Can I really sleep after hearing all that?” I already knew the answer. I spent hour after hour thinking about her, about her dad, about the marriage and even a little bit about the samurai.
Was he really just bad or did he do this for no other reason as everybody else does their job for. Is killing someone bad if you do it to live on? I couldn’t find the answer on those questions, my own justice says “No.” to both of them, however my own justice has flaws as well. The question is how to wage those two factors. “Even so he is gone and probably went to assassinate somebody else” I mumbled to myself.
In this very moment the door was opening again. I got up and was looking at Miyuki’s face. Her face was in pain and sorrow. She was nervous and tried to catch a good beginning phrase. I encouraged her by simply smiling at here. She smiled back and then whispered “I don’t want to marry him, I don’t want you. Will you run away with me? Discover the whole world, far, far away from this man and his wealth?” My eyes widened and I was sitting there with an open mouth. “Of course” I then said and thought to myself “How should I disagree?” Her smile got bigger. “Let’s go!” she said and was already opening the door.
“Wait, don’t you need some of your things with you? Like clothes and such” I said to her. She shook her head. “Talking about clothes where are mine?” I asked out loudly. Miyuki pointed at the first drawer of the bed table right next to me.
While I was getting dressed, Miyuki was waiting outside. After I closed the door, both of us were running as fast as we could. Miyuki was leading the way and after like 10 minutes we reached a big entrance hall. To my surprise nobody was there. No guard who would stop us. It was like they want us to escape. We ran through the entrance hall and quickly opened the main door.
After we got outside we were slowing a bit down. Miyuki looked back and then nearly screamed “The house is out of reach, we can stop running now” I simply nodded. We were smiling at each other and even started to laugh out loudly. “Took you long enough to escape” a deep voice said behind us. I quickly turned around and looked at – a man with a sword on his belt- the samurai from yesterday
stay tuned for the chapter 3 callled "Fateful encounter"
RE: Deadly past (remake) - Reaper - 05-23-2010
Yay, glad you did a new chapter. Sadly I've read half of it before already, but it's nice nonetheless.
Well, I've told you my opinion before already, I still don't really like the usage of irony in this context while "sticking out like a sword in a gunfight" sounds pretty awesome.
The whole part is written pretty nice and fluent, some parts could have been a bit longer, especially the part where she ask him if he comes with her. Just as a side note:
(05-22-2010, 10:39 PM)Phil Wrote: I don’t want to marry him, I don’t want you. 
Other than that it was a pretty awesome chapter. What I do't get is why he has those thoughts about the samurai. I reread a part of the last chapter and his way of acting isn't the one of somebody who is forced to do his job. Rather of somebody who enjoys it.
Quote:stay tuned for the chapter 3 callled "Fateful encounter"
I will
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