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Hmm, story definately needs tweaking.
Maybe should start with using the spacebar where needed. Then maybe adding paragraphs and taking off capslock. None of those three mistakes can help.
Nor can the fact you contradict yourself, if your characters are corrupted by the enemy, they don't have to let a spirit into them, as you stated earlier. Meaning Louis, at any point in time will just say 'no' and completely ruin everything.
Also, how on earth would you impliment his time abilities into the game? You seem to have given no help, except you've just said - I'm making a mod with a story, here's a few blocks of capslock, have fun if you wanna join.
WRITE THE STORY PROPERLY - write the pieces properly, giving the sections a title. Infact, organise it into scenes even where the screen comes up with a load of text of the story between levels. Sentence 1 from the story already has a mistake. When you can be bothered to check your writing, please post it up then. Rush jobs just look nasty and do not promote the idea of getting help from people.
Of all the heroes to pick, why DEEP instead of Dennis? Davis, Dennis and Woody have always been considered a trio. Not trying to knock the idea, but I don't know how you would put any of Deeps hinted at personality in with either of those.
Not trying to completely whack down the idea, but I don't think any thought process has gone into this, plus - I can tear apart the story into many pieces very quickly. All julian has to do is stop them being born, if Xaeroth is an all powerful time travelling magician, all he needs to do is kill off their parents. Done. They could go back in time admittedly to try and stop that, but highly doubt it'll work. Plus, all Julian has to do after is say ' I don't want you in my body' and done. The guy would be out.
I'm going to be honest, this needs a lot of work. You've given next to no information, nor have you given any hints or idea's on gameplay. Just the fact that there are time travelling magicians. Sorry.
Eddie
Edit: Apology -
I apologise if the tone of my post is a little immature and not so well thought out. Do not let me put you off trying to make this mod, take what I said more as constructive criticism, where you just need to look at it and apply bits here and there.
Good luck if you choose to continue with this.
Maybe should start with using the spacebar where needed. Then maybe adding paragraphs and taking off capslock. None of those three mistakes can help.
Nor can the fact you contradict yourself, if your characters are corrupted by the enemy, they don't have to let a spirit into them, as you stated earlier. Meaning Louis, at any point in time will just say 'no' and completely ruin everything.
Also, how on earth would you impliment his time abilities into the game? You seem to have given no help, except you've just said - I'm making a mod with a story, here's a few blocks of capslock, have fun if you wanna join.
WRITE THE STORY PROPERLY - write the pieces properly, giving the sections a title. Infact, organise it into scenes even where the screen comes up with a load of text of the story between levels. Sentence 1 from the story already has a mistake. When you can be bothered to check your writing, please post it up then. Rush jobs just look nasty and do not promote the idea of getting help from people.
Of all the heroes to pick, why DEEP instead of Dennis? Davis, Dennis and Woody have always been considered a trio. Not trying to knock the idea, but I don't know how you would put any of Deeps hinted at personality in with either of those.
Not trying to completely whack down the idea, but I don't think any thought process has gone into this, plus - I can tear apart the story into many pieces very quickly. All julian has to do is stop them being born, if Xaeroth is an all powerful time travelling magician, all he needs to do is kill off their parents. Done. They could go back in time admittedly to try and stop that, but highly doubt it'll work. Plus, all Julian has to do after is say ' I don't want you in my body' and done. The guy would be out.
I'm going to be honest, this needs a lot of work. You've given next to no information, nor have you given any hints or idea's on gameplay. Just the fact that there are time travelling magicians. Sorry.
Eddie
Edit: Apology -
I apologise if the tone of my post is a little immature and not so well thought out. Do not let me put you off trying to make this mod, take what I said more as constructive criticism, where you just need to look at it and apply bits here and there.
Good luck if you choose to continue with this.
One day, I shall become, TUTORIAL-MAN: Superhero of writing overly long, overly annoying tutorials which most people probably won't read, but will give it a stab at the first 5 lines!