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Elias's Stories
#2
I didn't have time to read the 1st two stories
but i just had to comment about the last spoiler (Romantic/Realistic Fiction Story)
you add in too many but's all around the intro
it's a bit too passive, since he's grownup he shouldn't beg the guy to let him in (unless thats part of his personality? :P)
also it doesn't make any sense for the guy to let him into the club for a certain limited time
either he says no, or lets him slide (one time thing)
i think he should outwit the guy and trick him in order to get into the club
it gives a certain emphasis on the character(s) before u start reading the rest of the chapters
as i have no clue as to what his abilities or characteristics are...
also make sure to point out specific things and not label them as broad like for example: where he works (job), the name of the club...
thts all i can point out as of now...seems interesting though
i'll make sure to come back and read the rest (as of now I am @ work)
~please continue writing ;)
A sequence of variables thatre engraved since the beginning of the cosmos is responsible for animating things in reality
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Thanks given by: Elias


Messages In This Thread
Elias's Stories - by Elias - 07-29-2011, 05:09 PM
RE: Elias's Stories - by LutiChris - 07-30-2011, 09:59 PM



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