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First of all and completly unrelated, the notice that appears when you first go to industrialcraft totally cracked me up.
I've only finished the first part right now, but I will surely check out the rest once I've got time. Either way, I'll give you a bit of feedback about what I've read so far.
The prologue is quite awesome. It immediately makes you want to know what's going on and makes you feel like your in the story.
Your english isn't nearly as bad as you say yourself. There were some tenses-errors, some misspellings - like then/than - and maybe a few others, but nothing that affected the readability in any way. One thing though: Past form of need is needed, not ned. A ned is a colloquial word for a scoundrel.
The writing itself is great. Right now, I don't know anything specific for you to improve. What you should keep your focus on is plausibility. From what I've read so far, Ajans father has done quite a bit of adventuring as well and could possibly be a hero in his own book. That Ajan can beat him at the age of thirteen seems unlikely to me. Especially as he says his father isn't all that old. (On that note: We didn't really get to know much about how any of the characters look like.) In actual fights, not only his limited experience but also physical boundaries will delimitate his strength.
Moving on, wolves don't hunt only at night, in fact they will quite often hunt during daytime - about dawn specifically I don't know.
Edit: Internet is a little ambiguous on this. Some say only at night, some say at all times and some say at dusk and dawn mostly.
Interestingly they will - if they attack humans which doesn't happen all that often hardly ever happens if the wolves don't have rabies - mostly attack children, though they can recognize if somebody is armed, in which case they might refrain from attacking. According to wikipedia, that is. I don't know how long wolves take to kill somebody, but it might not be long enough for his father to come to the rescue, especially if they happen to hunt in a pack.
Another thing: In the part about the wolves Ajan says he'd be safe at dawn. Just a couple lines later he talks about how the sky had already become pitch black. That sounds a lot more like dusk to me.
Just coming to my attention: Considering that Ajan first asked whether he is a "chest" containing that something, he is surprisingly cool-headed afterwards.
Guess that's it for a first impression. I'll try to flesh out a more detailed review once I've read the whole story as of now.
I've only finished the first part right now, but I will surely check out the rest once I've got time. Either way, I'll give you a bit of feedback about what I've read so far.
The prologue is quite awesome. It immediately makes you want to know what's going on and makes you feel like your in the story.
Your english isn't nearly as bad as you say yourself. There were some tenses-errors, some misspellings - like then/than - and maybe a few others, but nothing that affected the readability in any way. One thing though: Past form of need is needed, not ned. A ned is a colloquial word for a scoundrel.
The writing itself is great. Right now, I don't know anything specific for you to improve. What you should keep your focus on is plausibility. From what I've read so far, Ajans father has done quite a bit of adventuring as well and could possibly be a hero in his own book. That Ajan can beat him at the age of thirteen seems unlikely to me. Especially as he says his father isn't all that old. (On that note: We didn't really get to know much about how any of the characters look like.) In actual fights, not only his limited experience but also physical boundaries will delimitate his strength.
Moving on, wolves don't hunt only at night, in fact they will quite often hunt during daytime - about dawn specifically I don't know.
Edit: Internet is a little ambiguous on this. Some say only at night, some say at all times and some say at dusk and dawn mostly.
Interestingly they will - if they attack humans which doesn't happen all that often hardly ever happens if the wolves don't have rabies - mostly attack children, though they can recognize if somebody is armed, in which case they might refrain from attacking. According to wikipedia, that is. I don't know how long wolves take to kill somebody, but it might not be long enough for his father to come to the rescue, especially if they happen to hunt in a pack.
Another thing: In the part about the wolves Ajan says he'd be safe at dawn. Just a couple lines later he talks about how the sky had already become pitch black. That sounds a lot more like dusk to me.
Just coming to my attention: Considering that Ajan first asked whether he is a "chest" containing that something, he is surprisingly cool-headed afterwards.
Guess that's it for a first impression. I'll try to flesh out a more detailed review once I've read the whole story as of now.