Feelings and issues

[Hate]

Lately, I been feeling nothing but depression, self-hate and self-critisism. am on the point of feeling nothing at all, enjoying nothing, feeling that the world seems to be a good place for everyone else but me, walking around with a cloud above my head, all my sweet memories are not sweet anymore, I know all this sounds weird but its the truth.
You want something so bad, then you have it and your not even surprised or imperessed, I always wanted to be the best in everything I do but fate always goes the other way, Shattered dreams (I wanted to be a doctor but am not).
I dont feel like loving or liking a girl nomore, they all look alike, but there is this girl that used to stalk me back in high school, she grow up now and were on a contact again, for now .. shes everything I have left but I don't feel like dating her or something, its complicated as f***! I just don't feel like existing anymore, I wanna die ..
Thank you whoever you are for listing to my crap I just wanna know if this feeling is normal?
Is it normal to feel this way? have you been here? where's the freaking way out?