04-21-2009, 03:49 PM
well... let me give an comment in detail:
i like your writing style..
but!
your chapter should be a little bit longer.. look at an chapter from an book and you know what i mean.. also the story is missing some depth.
try to make paragraphs.. makes it easier for us to read.
other than that its a cool story.... try out some of my suggestions.. it will make it even better
i like your writing style..
but!
your chapter should be a little bit longer.. look at an chapter from an book and you know what i mean.. also the story is missing some depth.
try to make paragraphs.. makes it easier for us to read.
other than that its a cool story.... try out some of my suggestions.. it will make it even better
![;) ;)](https://lf-empire.de/forum/images/smilies/;).gif)
[sig placeholder until my new sig is finished]
should totally allow people to be all trolley on their birthday
should totally allow people to be all trolley on their birthday
![:D :D](https://lf-empire.de/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)