06-14-2009, 01:01 PM
Wow, you have a really good writing style, I guess no mistakes( although "The only thing sounding in the room was his jeans, who lightly touched eachother" is probably not really correct, because of "was" and "each other") and its somehow interesting.
I normally wouldn't start so many sentences with "He", but its ok in a story like this where someone is thinking while nothing happens. Or in a very sad one, where somebody feeles empty and desperated.
So very good. And if you make a longer one, you can be sure I will have the energy to read it, too.
I normally wouldn't start so many sentences with "He", but its ok in a story like this where someone is thinking while nothing happens. Or in a very sad one, where somebody feeles empty and desperated.
So very good. And if you make a longer one, you can be sure I will have the energy to read it, too.

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