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Deadly past
#2
Yay, phil is back. Now we will get some wonderful stories to read.
Somehow everybody is posting his stories atm. I can't start with my new char because I read so much :D.
So what can I say? Its a very nice beginning, I can imagine the world around them very good... You made some mistakes with the tenses( you sometimes used simple past) and you used "the moon" as a beginning for a sentence twice without another beginning between them( and three times "The")... But its very easy to read so I don't care that much.
Quick! Go on. I want to read the first chapter! :D
Btw. lol I thought you wanted to write in present tense. And laughed at "lol she is going to die"
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Messages In This Thread
Deadly past - by The Lost Global Mod - 06-14-2009, 02:17 PM
RE: Deadly past - by Reaper - 06-14-2009, 02:23 PM
RE: Deadly past - by The Lost Global Mod - 06-14-2009, 02:32 PM
RE: Deadly past - by Silverthorn - 06-14-2009, 02:47 PM
RE: Deadly past - by Azriel - 06-16-2009, 11:57 AM
RE: Deadly past - by Ascor - 06-14-2009, 07:07 PM
RE: Deadly past - by snorsorbet - 06-14-2009, 08:05 PM
RE: Deadly past - by The Lost Global Mod - 06-14-2009, 08:09 PM
RE: Deadly past - by Lord Anu - 06-15-2009, 05:39 PM
RE: Deadly past - by Elias - 06-16-2009, 01:26 AM
RE: Deadly past - by Zabobula - 06-16-2009, 02:33 PM
RE: Deadly past - by The Lost Global Mod - 06-16-2009, 05:51 PM
RE: Deadly past - by Zabobula - 06-16-2009, 06:37 PM



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