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06-14-2009, 05:48 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-14-2009, 06:03 PM by snorsorbet.)
Thanks for your reviews.
The first 'look' could have been changed to 'gazed' I guess, that was a bad mistake from my side.
I really tried to reflect the tense in the room and to catch the single moment. I'm not quiet sure myself of how long the story was
(the time passing by), I guess it's up to the reader.
The fact that I explained various things very carefully and then just dropping it was just to add up some tense. I don't know how it really affects the reader though...
The part that Reaper pointed out, where his jeans sounded, I didn't know how to translate it; I guess that the swedish expression is a very extraordinary one which is hard to translate. (It is almost summed up as a single verb.)
I will, sadly, probably not continue the story as I want to give the reader some own space to think. I don't know what kind of men he was waiting for or why he is there at all. The only thing supposed to be solid in this story is the room, the waiting man and the street outside. The left is up to ones imagination. It will be very hard to keep it this way if I build up the story more.
But thanks for the comments. I will probably drop by here in the story section during the summer vacation to fill out some empty boredom :P
*still waiting for Phil to respond.
EDIT: Doulbe-look fixed (I hope
)
The first 'look' could have been changed to 'gazed' I guess, that was a bad mistake from my side.
I really tried to reflect the tense in the room and to catch the single moment. I'm not quiet sure myself of how long the story was
(the time passing by), I guess it's up to the reader.The fact that I explained various things very carefully and then just dropping it was just to add up some tense. I don't know how it really affects the reader though...
The part that Reaper pointed out, where his jeans sounded, I didn't know how to translate it; I guess that the swedish expression is a very extraordinary one which is hard to translate. (It is almost summed up as a single verb.)
I will, sadly, probably not continue the story as I want to give the reader some own space to think. I don't know what kind of men he was waiting for or why he is there at all. The only thing supposed to be solid in this story is the room, the waiting man and the street outside. The left is up to ones imagination. It will be very hard to keep it this way if I build up the story more.
But thanks for the comments. I will probably drop by here in the story section during the summer vacation to fill out some empty boredom :P
*still waiting for Phil to respond.
EDIT: Doulbe-look fixed (I hope
)