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Deadly past

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Deadly past
Zabobula Offline
The Fallen One
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Posts: 602
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Joined: Aug 2008
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#11
06-16-2009, 02:33 PM
Hope you are ready for this:
Honestly, the story needs work. There are several grammar errors but its the punctuation that throws me off. U need to start including some commas and what not. It seems like you're not following the very rules you set up. O_o
As far as me liking it personally, the concept is pretty aged. Not saying that I dont like it. Its ok...but you got some work 2 do "mod". :P
Escape is a two-syllable word that grants temporary peace in the present to a future victim.
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Messages In This Thread
Deadly past - by The Lost Global Mod - 06-14-2009, 02:17 PM
RE: Deadly past - by Reaper - 06-14-2009, 02:23 PM
RE: Deadly past - by The Lost Global Mod - 06-14-2009, 02:32 PM
RE: Deadly past - by Silverthorn - 06-14-2009, 02:47 PM
RE: Deadly past - by Azriel - 06-16-2009, 11:57 AM
RE: Deadly past - by Ascor - 06-14-2009, 07:07 PM
RE: Deadly past - by snorsorbet - 06-14-2009, 08:05 PM
RE: Deadly past - by The Lost Global Mod - 06-14-2009, 08:09 PM
RE: Deadly past - by Lord Anu - 06-15-2009, 05:39 PM
RE: Deadly past - by Elias - 06-16-2009, 01:26 AM
RE: Deadly past - by Zabobula - 06-16-2009, 02:33 PM
RE: Deadly past - by The Lost Global Mod - 06-16-2009, 05:51 PM
RE: Deadly past - by Zabobula - 06-16-2009, 06:37 PM



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