Prologue of C.E. LF2

[Marshall]

Back then when I had all my ambitious plans into developing C.E. LF2 as a proper mod with an exciting VS mode and a stage/story mode, I did a little writing to complement it.

Obviously, I've never been a silver tongue and I just sort of stopped. Digging through some of my old stuff, I've decided to share what I have written anyway :P

(Click to View)

More and more shadowsworn appeared, brandishing their weapons and hacking and stabbing at the unfortunate villagers who were taken by complete surprise. There were curses and shouts as the villagers rolled off their sleeping benches and scrabbled for escape or find tools for self defense. But they were at too much of a disadvantage. Most of them were killed in their sleep or unarmed.

His teacher urged him to leave amid the shrieks and clamour of the massacre. He obeyed and fought his way to the backdoor just in time to see a huntsman runned his mother through so powerfully that the arrow head emerged a head's breadth out of her back. Sadness, rage and fury all swept through Davis at once. Suddenly, he felt something, saw it, though he knew it was not there to see. It was white like sunlight seen through the purest cloud with a slight blueish hue. Heavier than steel, lighter than air: something distant beyond knowing, something within grasp of his hand.

There was a blinding flash of light which enveloped him, coming from the heights of haven. Unable to contain the power anymore, Davis unleashed it and no trace of his enemies were left. His vision began to blur and barely conscious of what he had just done, Davis fainted.

**************************************************
A man stood in front of the fire place... Dressed in dark clothes of a fine cut, he seemed in the prime of his maturity and Davis supposed women would have found him good looking. “Once more we meet face-to-face, Lothario” the man said and just for an instant, his eyes became openings into endless caverns of flames. At that instance, Davis knew the person before him was the root of all the chaos caused in his village. “I don't care what are you talking about, just tell me why! Why did you do it? Why?” demanded Davis.

“Why?” chuckled the man as flames occasionally leap out from his eyes, “you must have forgotten... Oh well, it doesn't matter, does it? Surrender. Surrender to me... Who serves me wields destiny. Serve me, and begin a new life. If you please me, I can even give back what was taken away from you.”

At the mentioning of his beloved ones, images of them flashed across his head and suddenly, all his fear, sadness, rage and lethargy had left him and was replaced by a calmness that was as eery as the black clad figure before him.

"You know what? All of your talking is starting to piss me off... How about you serving me instead?"

“Watch your tongue, you fool, don't make me rip out that precious voice box of yours! I'm coming to get you!”

And Davis felt his head was about to explode along with the fury of the stranger.

Darkness... then Davis was awake, amid the mess of the village and he wandered aimlessly away, fearing that if he stayed any longer, he will further endanger the village.

It's really short XP

[Sharkitoon]

The beginning was nice and detailed,
it's nice to learn how Davis got his energy punches.

But the ending,
it's too rushed,
try making it longer and express his emotions along the
way slowly,
cause when - "Sadness, rage and fury all swept through Davis at once. "
when i read that line, i didn't feel anything, if you started with a proper
beginning, showing the bond and love between mother and son.
Then readers can get the feeling of anger when reading that line.
I read a book called ' Chinese Cinderella ' once and i cried a lot while reading it
and felt like I'm the character in the book.


But this story really amaze me, the originality of it.
And it's nice to read.
Thank you for sharing =)

[Marshall]

>try making it longer and express his emotions along the way slowly, cause when - "Sadness, rage and fury all swept through Davis at once. " when i read that line, i didn't feel anything, if you started with a proper beginning, showing the bond and love between mother and son.

well, that was not the important bit :P I haven't seen the original LF2 or any other LF2 mods / comics featuring his mother XD
but yes, it was a bit rushed, because I lost my motivation to write any further ^ ^

>it's nice to learn how Davis got his energy punches
it's more like how he got this skill:

[Sharkitoon]

Damn! man, who sprited the energy burst?

And is that a mod? Can u send me the link?

Marshall edited this post 08-19-2010 03:53 PM because:

I ripped it, but Lauli helped me modify it. As the topic title suggests, it's C.E. LF2, an old old project of mine. The available for download version is on the mainsite, but it does not have this move :P

[Silverthorn]

Ah, the good ol' CE-mod. You should really do a remake of that one, with 2.0a as a basis. I'm sure you would find quite a few willing to help you :P

Story-wisely, it's alright. I'll have to agree with Sharkitoon that the story seems a bit rushed in the end. Lack of motivation does not justify this! :P
No, seriously, it's a neat concept. Expand it and pwn

[Sharkitoon]

@ marshall : That move was amazing and cool btw
@BluePhoenix : It's Sharkitoon Not Sharkingtoon :P

[snorsorbet]

I like the atmosphere and ending of the prologue. You could try to cut it down though, as something short is better than something long when it comes to in-game fluff :P

[Marshall]

ah wells... I've already had it quite short already (as the two posters above you both think it's rushed). To write something shorter than this w/o sounding rush is definitely beyond me. I have never claimed to be a writer anyway and my story / descriptive writing days are long gone (it was written in 2006 actually)
Back then, the plan was for this prologue to be displayed before stage mode, afterwards, start at Tai Hom Village :P

[Reaper]

That's what I'd call typical Marshall style. Something mysterious happens, it's descriped almost pathetically and then...
...
"You know what? All of your talking is starting to piss me off... How about you serving me instead?"

Which makes it quite hard to comment. There are various things I would do different, but you're perfectly staying in that one style.
Though style is not the only thing and I have to agree about the length. However, you can't put as much text into an LF2-version as I want to see. Still, the last few lines could be expanded.

At the mentioning of his beloved ones, images of them flashed across his head and suddenly, all his fear, sadness, rage and lethargy had left him

That feels weird for me. After the first part of the sentence, you'd expect the exact opposite. If you want it like that, it needs an explanation. Maybe rephrasing would also work. I can't tell as I don't know how you thought about that.

Ah, the good ol' CE-mod. You should really do a remake of that one, with 2.0a as a basis. I'm sure you would find quite a few willing to help you :P

Your downplaying, BP. Marshall could ask the ones he wants to help him and they'd say yes.

[Marshall]

>That feels weird for me. After the first part of the sentence, you'd expect the exact opposite. If you want it like that, it needs an explanation. Maybe rephrasing would also work. I can't tell as I don't know how you thought about that.

I see what you mean and I should have explained it a bit I guess. He felt the exact opposite of what you would expect because he knew that the black clad figure is behind all the killing of his family, so mentioning them only cleared his head and added to his resolution of revenge

>Your downplaying, BP. Marshall could ask the ones he wants to help him and they'd say yes.
rofl. I dare not take advantage of this privilege yet unless I have something concrete, or else I just feel I'm letting others down, but thanks!