Hunter (A Hero's Exploit)

[LutiChris]

Chapter One

The Unexpected Encounter



I saw a familiar face at the grocery store in Tai Home Village the other day. It was none other than the legendary little fighter Henry himself. He was quite the mischievous goofball and even pranked member's of his own circle. His name was infamous in the streets of my hometown. And I wanted to be just like him. He was practically my role model. I had to meet him. When I finally came and greeted him I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and playing his flute in front of my face. I realized this was a bad idea and left disappointed. I had high hopes we would have gotten along nicely but maybe he was having a bad day and so I continued with my shopping. I heard him chuckle as I we locked eyes every now and then. I was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milk Bottles in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bottles and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bottle and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly. Next he tried asking her out. She was fairly beautiful with that nice pink dress and blue dyed hair. He took out his flute once more and gave her a toot. From that moment I saw him as scoundrel. Even a common thief like myself doesn't have the balls to steal Julian's prized possession. But she seemed to be really enjoying herself as she was gyrating violently to the tune of his sonata. Perplexed and feeling weirded out I decided to vacate the premises. I told myself "Wait until my friends hear I met Henry!"
Bandit was just up ahead hoping i had brought home some fine refreshments.

"What took you so long Hunter?" he inquired
"Well..." I shrugged, "Looks like Julian ain't the only pimp in town."

---

Chapter Two

A Hot Mess



"What the hell are you yammerin' on 'bout Hunter?" his friend (a fellow bandit) inquired.
"I saw He-" but before Hunter could finish his sentence he was rudely interrupted.
"WHERE IS THE FOOD AND BEER!!"
"Oh.." Hunter replied
"When can you stop being so useless all the time"
"Don't worry I managed to grab a pack of cigs" Hunter reached in his coat pocket and threw it his way.
"A fine job you did there" bandit shook his head in dismay. "At least they were a pack of cigs this time instead of those cruddy arrows you keep bringing"
Hunter socked bandit in the face
"Are they cruddy now?" Hunter stretched his bow and arrow pointing it at bandits forehead.
Bandit remained on the ground disgruntled and annoyed.
"Ooops" Hunter had accidentally released his bow and subsequently the arrow was loged right into bandits face. Bandit screamed in agony and tossed the projectile away.
"You owe me a milk carton" yelled bandit


........to be continued

[Simoneon]

Oh you better gives us more, you little man. That was amazing to read, thank you so much!

[Marko]

More!!

[Lauli]

Yes, so I wrote a short stage play:

Stage 3-1, The Great Wall, Sorcerer (green) and LouisEX.
LouisEX is carrying a piece of armor.

LouisEX: Well, Sorcerer, I made it - despite your directions.
Sorcerer: Ah, LouisEX. Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable D^J.
LouisEX: Yeah.

Stage 3-2. LouisEX now puts down his armor while Sorcerer attempts to cast "Heal (other)" but has no mana.

Sorcerer (to self): Oh, egads! My D^J is ruined!
Sorcerer (to self): But what if I were to pick up milk and disguise it as my own special move?
Sorcerer (to self): Delightfully devilish, Sorcerer.

Milk and beer is falling from the sky.
Sorcerer tries to pick up a milk bottle, LouisEX notices.

LouisEX: Huyeaugh-! SOOORCEEREEERRR!!!
Sorcerer: LouisEX, I was just - uh, just pressing D for my special move. Care to join me?
LouisEX: Why are there bottles falling from the sky?
Sorcerer: Uh-oh, these aren't bottles. It's heal. Heal from the "Heal (other)" we're having.
Sorcerer: Mmmhh, "Heal (other)".

LouisEX leaves. Sorcerer quickly picks up several bottles of milk.

Stage 3-3.

Sorcerer: LouisEX, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering milk.
LouisEX: I thought we were having "Heal (other)".
Sorcerer: Oh, no. I said "Milk (other)".
Sorcerer: That's what I call D^J.
LouisEX: You call D^J "Milk (other)"?
Sorcerer: Yes. It's a regional dialect.
LouisEX: Uh, what region?
Sorcerer: Uh, stage 3.
LouisEX: Well I'm from stage 3-5 and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "Milk (other)".
Sorcerer: Oh no, not in stage 3-5, no it's a stage 3-4 expression.
LouisEX: I see.

They drink.

LouisEX: You know, this D^J is quite similar to the bottles of milk used for regenerating health.
Sorcerer: Oh no, patented Sorcerer heal. Old family recipe-
LouisEX: For "Milk (other)".
Sorcerer: Yes.
LouisEX: Yes, and you call them "Milk (other)" despite the fact that they are obviously stage props.
Sorcerer: Ye-... you know, the-... One thing I should-...
Sorcerer: Excuse me for one second.
LouisEX: Of course.

Sorcerer progresses to stage 3-4 and back again to 3-3.
Lots of weapons falling from the sky in stage 3-4.

Sorcerer: Well, that was wonderful.
Sorcerer: A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.
LouisEX: Yes, I should be going- GOOD LORD, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN STAGE 3-4?
Sorcerer: Arctic Volcano?
LouisEX: Arctic Volcano?! At this part of the stage? At this time of the day, in this part of the background, localized entirely within The Great Wall?
Sorcerer: Yes.
LouisEX: May I see it?
Sorcerer: No.

They leave. Sorcerer points LouisEX to the exit of stage 3.

Jan (Criminal): Sorcerer! There's crates all over stage 3-4!
Sorcerer: No mother, it's just Firzen's arctic volcano!

LouisEX: Well Sorcerer, you are an odd fellow.
LouisEX: But I must say, you D a good ^J.

Stage clear!

Ramond edited this post 11-29-2018 10:41 AM because:

Damn how have i not noticed this until today

[LutiChris]

Chapter 3
The Chess Club



7 years have passed by since we last spoke of our tag team duo. Hunter & Bandit grew tired of their nefarious ways & decided to join a chess club at CUHK.

One day, Hunter, grew bored with playing chess and decided he wanted to play checkers. In fact, he was so bored of chess that he wanted all of the other members to play checkers too. He spent all of his time haranguing them to stop playing chess and start play checkers. And when he didn’t get his way, he left in a huff and would disappear from the club for weeks on end.

The chess club finally held a vote, and it was 49-1. Hunter was still the only guy who wanted to play checkers.



Time passed, and the chess club got a new president, Jack. Some of the people didn’t like the new president, and Hunter noticed this. He convinced them that now was really the time to start playing checkers. So, a small group, a total of six, of the chess club’s members said they wanted to play checkers.

Soon they became bored with just playing checkers among themselves, and they decided to try to get everybody else in the chess club to play checkers. But nobody else wanted to play checkers besides the original six. Jack became tired of the constant whining of the checkers promoters.



“Look guys" Jack said boldly, "this is a chess club. If you want to play checkers, go start a checkers club,”

But of course this is not what the dissident chess club members wanted. Checkers itself was not very challenging; they wanted to convince everybody else to stop playing chess.

Hunter and his friends were creating chaos. They spent all of their time bothering the chess players so no actual chess got played. Finally, Jack held a vote on expelling the dissidents from the chess club. The final tally: 44-6 against Jack and his buddies.

But of course this was just what the dissidents wanted. They called the college president, John, to complain and invited reporters over to tell their sad stories about being discriminated against by the mean chess players. Hunter’s somber visage soon appeared in newspapers nationwide as he aired his complaints. The college president became so upset about all the negative publicity that he decided the club had to change: from now on it would be a chess AND checkers club. And, to top it all off, he named Hunter the new president of the university chess and checkers club. Hunter’s first rule was that everybody in the chess and checkers club would play checkers only.

[LutiChris]

Chapter 4
A Wise Sage

We now take this moment to introduce a new character to Hunter's World. As some of you have recognized both Hunter & Bandit wear corporate uniforms every now & then. Why on earth would two no-good scallywag's walk around in nice clothing. It just so happens that they work at a company that sells & distributes paper called Julian's Muckender. Here we find a wise old man typing away his thoughts on his computer screen.



"Hey-o, everyone out there in ZyberWorld. It’s wise sage Monk coming at you again, here from my perch as a HIGH Quality Assurance Manager at Julian's Muckender. Just a few observations on the world around me.

What do you guys think is the best kind of car? To me, you can’t beat motorcycles. They’re small, and dangerous.

I got into a car accident yesterday and I just took off. It didn’t look too bad. The guy was making a big deal out of it, but come on – dogs don’t live forever.

Sometimes when I’m sick, or feeling blue, I drink vinegar. I like all kinds: balsamic, vodka, orange juice, leaves.

Working in an office is fine, but I’d rather be a millionaire. [Elaborate on this. It’s interesting. Maybe Trademark it, too.]

Today in my office where I work as Director of HIGH Quality Assurance, we went to the beach for some reason that was never adequately explained. When we were there, our manager told us to eat hot coals. I thought that was a little bit untoward so I ate a fish instead. Then a woman I have literally never seen before in my entire life started talking very loudly about something involving Brokeback Cliff. She was ecstatic, I’d say. From what I could guess, she was definitely on drugs of some kind, perhaps cocaine, or maybe ‘drines. Also, she is a knock-out. She reminds me of a young fair maiden, Helena Antonia. Also, I stupidly ate the fishbones. I told myself “never again” after the last time, but then you turn around, and bam, they’re in my mouth. I also ate 55 hot dogs in 15 minutes, which is a world record.

Everybody remembers: “April showers bring May flowers.” But no one remembers how the rest of that goes. Which I find so frustrating.

Prediction: the Orioles will win the World Series over the Pirates in seven games.

Prediction: the space program will be renamed the Outer Space Program by 2060.

Prediction: someday we will be able to travel faster than sound. We will “break the sound barrier.”

Prediction: [note – need more predictions.]

Reminder: Julian’s safe combo: 26-34-22.