Some Storie

[Elias]

Firzen was sitting in his palace, then he heard a loud explosion out side his palace. He he got on his feet, and walked towards the door.Then when he was 2 meters away from the door it exploded. Firzen fell and saw all hir foes and allies. Julien pick him up by his neck and said, " you're a traitor, you killed all my army." Firzen had no clue what he was talking about. Then Julien threw him to the end and made one of his mighty ball, but this one was bigger and stronger, When he threw the ball at Firzen he braked the wall and was near the cliff. Firzen then made his ball it had no effect. Then he took out one of his books under his cloth and started to read this words, "magere, sonama, ygeme. sarama, mekok, imeor." Clouds became dark and souls came out of the clouds and into Firzen and everybody was shocked. Then Firzen didn't look like him self but much darker. then he exploded and everybody flew back then every one charged at him but he used his ball and nothing could stop it. Then he picked every body with physic power and threw them off the cliff then he knew what his next step to World Domination.

Okay I was thinking if some could make this part into the game and also please comment this a lot, thanks.

[Drahcir]

HOWLY [][][][], that's a lot of "then" overusage

[sadbhav]

erm...some spelling errors....but everything is quite..sudden isn't it?

[prince_freeza]

very interesting story.....like it reminds me of a cartoon dunno wich one??

[WoodySmasher]

Kinda weird story. Friends and foes of firzen with julian?

[The Lost Global Mod]

okay... there we go.. *wushhh* evil-phil has appeared
nah seriously.. you can't call this a story... from the content its more an comic or something.
so..
pro:

1. you tried
   

con:

1. overuse of "then"
   
2. the content is surprising and confusing
   
3. no paragraphs (make it hard to read)
   
4. many spelling mistakes /typos
   

also.. some hints..

Some hints for rising writers:

• Write down what your story is about, you don't have to be excact just some keywords ( you don't will get lost)
  
• Write your story in an text programm like word or similar
  
• Before posting, check your spelling, nothing is more embarrasing than a stupid mistake
  
• Take comments serious, even if they hurt you sometimes , they will help you improve
  
• No master has fallen from the heaven.. not even in case of writing. its practice (you will get alot better if you write alot)
  

thats it.. commented enough?

[Elias]

Yeah I didn't even tried to make this up just got in my head that all.
And yes I stink at spelling.

[Evil Sonidow]

Phil, I can't honestly believe you quoted Zab as "Very hot guy".

[The Lost Global Mod]

@eliast: next time .. try harder okay?
@ES: lol no.. i quoted myself.. look .. here

[Elias]

Okay, maybe the next story will be in a mouth or less.

@eliast: next time .. try harder okay?
@ES: lol no.. i quoted myself.. look .. here