The vengeance

[Reaper]

nah, all of this was just one chapter + prologue.
But anyway I don't want to write a book. Who would read throught it?
I know, I am writing much too fast, but it is long weekend, so I can't stop. Anyway, I guess its enough for today... Maybe tomorrow again
Here is the start of the next chapter. A flashback.
enjoy and don't forget: (don't answer if you have no problem with it)

Anyone here who NOT wants to die in this story? Most of the persons in there will, but if someone doesn't want to I will probably find a way.

Already know an epic ending... Can't wait for it.

Madness has a reason

Maybe I should now tell you about what happened when the war began.
We first thought it would be like the first one. Again it started with the merchants staying away from our village. We didn't know what happened around us in the land, but we felt save so far away from the capital city.

After some time a few of us wondered why no soldiers came to call up our young men for the war, but we were happy about it, especially as it again came to light how the last war changed the men participating in it. So we didn't really care. Until one night...

Everyone slept when suddenly the noise of shouting men made us woke up. Without thinking about it, I ran out of my house straight to the direction where the sounds came from with the rain blowing into my face.

On the crossing of two roads, in front of the inn I saw Steve, the landlord, discussing angrily with four men on their horses, probably soldiers.
“And I said to you, you won't get anything from me. Neither my money nor my beer.”

“Why are you so headstrong, old man? We will burn your house down anyway, so does it really matter whether you give it to us or not?”
“Yes, because you won't do anything with my house. And if you don't go immediately, we will drive you out of our town.”
“Your really not making it easy for us. OK, get torches. Burn down everything. We don't have any more time.”
Steve ran to the man with his fists raised, but was send to ground by a slap in the face.

Anger suddenly took hold of me. I picked up a random stock and rushed into the first soldier, knocking him out with a stroke against the head. But now the other ones noticed me and rode into my direction.

I tried to evade the sword strike, but it was too late. I sank to the ground, the last things I saw were the flames growing higher and higher on the front of the house.

When I woke up I needed some moments to remember what had happened. With the taste of blood in my mouth I slowly realized what that ment.

I stood up and ran to my house as fast as possible. On the wet roads often I fell down and bruised my knee but that didn't matter at that time. When my house came into view, my world burst into splinters.

The flames covered the whole front. I ran to the house. Already from the outside I could see my wife, dead. I fell to my knees. The tears covered my face, mixing with the blood and the rain, forming pools in the mud.

I didn't notice how someone dragged me away from the house and embraced me. All I could do is crying.

A scream cut the silence of the night. Marc, the fellow of Cen put his hand on Cen's shoulder.
“Everything OK with you?”
“Yes. It was just a nightmare. But it hasn't ended yet.”

[Drahcir]

One question to drahcir: I will probably use your characters in the army which is pretty evil. if they have the chance, will they switch the sides and help the good ones?

Sure.

Also, if my char dies, could he please die saving a life?

[The Lost Global Mod]

just so that i get on sadbhav's nerves
LONG ESSAY FTW
anyways lets comment this properly!

Things i like

• The very own reaper-style.. your way of writing is just not copyable
  
• Your chapter are not so short (like in most of the other chapters)
  
• you added an prologue (it is not ESSENTIAL, but i just like it )
  

Things i hate or you should improve

• Nothing at the moment
  

Summary
All in all i like your story. Its thrilling, has an meaning (somewhere )
and is written in your own style. I can't add more.. i just hope that you keep your own style, never change it in the middle of the story. Also i hope you keep your length of the chapters. The first one was at an admireable length, the second a little shorter but still okay. I hope it gets longer and not shorter (the length of the chapters i mean)
Final sentence ( i guess sadbhav is already dying ) continue like this, write more, practice alot and get even better. thumbs up and good luck
(now sadbhav you have survived it )

[Reaper]

Don't think that the second chapter has already ended. Every chapter consist of some different storylines: Flashback/history, main character/ rebels(Z and Fred)/ army(drahcir and mailliw). So second chapter will become longer
And Epilogue will become epic long I hope.

[prince_freeza]

looks like reaper is going for it!!
just read the tips writen by phil..he's good at stories..

[sadbhav]

yayz!! I livez through the ezzay!!!!!

btw: if my char dies, make it at the very very end so that he doesn't miss out the main parts XD

[Reaper]

everybody will die in the very very end. But your char will maybe survive.

So, next part is done. Second chapter still isn't done as drahcirs part is missing, but it got very long so I think I better post it now. Its the part for both the rebels and the main character. And it was the first difficult part to write. Hope it is good now.
enjoy!
Btw: By now I got more letters/symbols than in my last story... 8 or 18 more
Btw²: Haven't expected so much feedback.


The sun rose at the horizon and threw its light onto the hills. Marc woke up and saw Cen sitting a bit away from him, staring into the sun. When he came nearer Cen started to speak, more to himself than to Marc.
“What a beautiful sunrise. But I can't enjoy it anymore. Now its too late. I should have payed more attention to it before.”
He turned to Marc.
“Lets get up and get done what we have to do.”
With this words he went to his horse and mounted.

The sun shined down on them while they were riding through a blossoming forest. Birch trees lined the road, but both couldn't pay attention to it.
After some time of silent riding, Cen stopped and listened carefully..
“What was that? Seems as if we aren't alone here.”
Without waiting for his fellow he directed his horse into the forest. Marc followed him with a few meters distance.

Fred and Z were both selected to scour the area around the rebel's camp when suddenly two horses rushed out of the trees. They drew their swords and stared at the men with concentration. They watched Cen and Marc climbing down from their horses and getting nearer to them. When they noticed the swords, they also drew their ones, but let them hang down. Cen started to speak:
“I hope we don't have to communicate that way.”
“I hope, too. But for that you should tell us who you are and whom you follow.”
“We are just two villagers and we follow nobody. But if I am right and you are a rebel, then we are probably working for the same goal.”
“Then come with us. And sorry for the rude welcome. You can't be suspicious enough in this time. But now we probably can speak more normal. This is Fred and I am Z.”
Cen and Marc had already taken their horses and now went off together with Z and Fred.
“He is Marc. And I, I shouldn't have a name anymore. I have lost anything and with it my name, too.”
Z and Fred said nothing and seemed thoughtful.
“But what is with you? Why are you named Z?”
Z didn't answer. However Fred answered for him instead.
“He doesn't know. He lost his memory and now he tries to ind out what had happened to him.”
Z gave him an evil look.
“Living without your memory... I wish I could to that, too. But for you it must be a pain.”
“Yes it is. But I am determined to find it. Thats why I joined the rebels.”
As it was already too late to stop, Z seemed to become less reserved concerning that topic. Now Marc became interested, too.
“Did you never ask yourself whether you want to know what happened? Whether your past is so terrible that you won't be able to stand it?”
“I often did. But I am restless until this uncertainty ends.”
“And what will you do if it is too horrible?”
“I will probably try to life with it. I can't run away from my past.”
“Did you never consider about starting a new life? Independent from your old one?”
“I somehow have to know what happened to me, who I am. I have to know and accept my past to decide between starting something new or going on with my old live. How can I start a new one if I haven't done with my old one?”
Now Fred interrupted their dialogue.
“Look, we are there. Wait here and sleep a bit, we will talk with our leader. Just forget your problems for a while. Tomorrow with the first sunbeams we all will either be happier or dead.”
And with this words they went off and left Cen and Marc alone. Both of them were suddenly descended by tiredness and fell asleep.
The last thing Cen saw was the face of Marc in front of the sun, now with a determined look on his face.

[sadbhav]

wootie! I seem to be a pal of Z in this story, but he seems to want to kill me XDD and u say I may survive...

btw, this chapter was awesome, but it needs some.... depth (I may be wrong and get flamed tho)

[Reaper]

if you explain me what exactly to change, I will try better next time.
And why should he want to kill you? Just because your talking about his past?
Nah, you will maybe survive, but he will probably die.

edit² ok, another part of the story, now the second chapter has ended. I hope it didn't became too dramatic/ serious at the end. As now pretty much will happen, it will be hard not to lose the depth, but I will try.
I don't have that much time the next days and the next flashback will be kinda difficult, too. So I maybe won't go on before weekend.
Btw: @sadbahv. You haven't died below. You are still living, just a little hurt.
That thing with talking about angels... is an insider joke.
Anyway, enjoy.


The sound of trumpets made Drahcir wake up. He was lying on the ground in his little tent. From the opening the first sunbeams came in. In front of it the silhouette of Mailliw already stood out against the light. In his hand he held his sword.
“What happened, Mailliw?”
“What do you think? The scouts found the camp of the rebels and now the army is arming for attacking them. Do you understand what that means? You said whether we are in the army wouldn't change anything, but now we are fighting against the only people opposing the emperor. What are we going to do now?”
Drahcir hesitated a bit, then he stood up and took his sword. The expression on his face was rigid.
“Very easy. We can't go back now, so we go on.”
With this words he passed by Mailliw out of the tent.
Coming out they saw everyone running around uncoordinated. One of the men followed by about ten soldiers headed for them.
“You two up there. Don't wait there until the fight has ended. You come with me.”
Mailliw looked questioning to Drahcir but he just walked over to the group, not looking at Mailliw. After a few seconds of thinking Mailliw followed him.

“Oh my god, what are we doing?”
Drahcir and Mailliw were lying in the grass of a little hill above the rebel's camp. At the moment their team leader explained them what to do. They had to wait for a sign of the commander, after it they should run down the hills, straight to the camp and kill everyone not being a part of the army.

However both weren't listening to him. They watched the camp. Sporadically the rebels had lit some fires, but not enough for noticing details from their point. Sometimes they assumed to see a shadow moving around, but it seemed as if nobody was awake. They couldn't even recognize guards.
“O my god, what are they doing?”
In a few minutes the army would rush down the hills, merciless killing everybody. How fast a live could end. One minute your living and planning what to do, maybe writing a letter to your family and the next minute you are dead. Maybe without knowing why and without anybody noticing. Life could be so cruel.
Waiting for the signal, they turned around to their leader. He also seemed to be uncertain of what to do. What were they waiting for?
Everyone was silent, waiting tensed up. Even the nature seemed to hold it's breath. Then suddenly the noise of battle broke the silence. Screams and shouts made everyone frightened. The leader again was uncertain what to do, but it didn't matter anyway. Nobody was listening to anyone. With panic they ran crisscross in every direction, some of them with fear away from the camp, some of them with anger straight into it.
Later it turned out that only an argument between two soldiers about the justification of the attack had become violent. The injustice had punished itself.
However that doesn't mean that the army already lost the fight.


Again trumpets made everyone wake up, but this time it was in the rebel's camp. Z immediately stood up and ran out of his tent. Fred and some other rebels already were there, all of them insecure of what had happened. More and more rebels came, crowding together.
Z went a few steps forward and stared into the darkness. Slowly a few shadows stood out against it, then they became more and more until the whole road was filled with soldiers. The fires on both sides threw a strange light on them.
The rebels only had little time to draw their weapons before both sides crashed into each other.
Z just stood there, waiting for the first soldier to come. Then he swung his sword and hit the soldier at the neck. The dead body fell down, with blood gushing out of it. Dark images of unknown lands and persons were rushing through his mind, but none of it remained long enough to leave a shape. “No, not now!”
He was a bit staggering, but nevertheless he was able to join the fight again. Another soldier fell victim to his sword, then he found a worthy adversary in a general.
All around Z other men were fighting like him. The whole camp was a giant battlefield. Just a few meters away Fred was trying to defend himself against 3 men, 2 others were already lying on the ground, more or less dead.
“Can't we make this a bit faster? Your fellows are perishing and I don't have the time to kill them sensible.”
One of the men on the ground breathed stertorously as if he wanted to underline it.
“Shout up you damn rebel. We will kill you.”
“I have my doubts to that. Well, you could of course kill them by yourself, I will wait for that time.”
He pushed his sword forward.
“I said shout up.”
The man jumped back.
“Did you ever thought about what happens after your death? I mean about the last judgment and so on?”
“Don't try to intimidate us. We will come to heaven for what we have done for the emperor while you rebels will burn in hell.”
The man became angrier and angrier while the others didn't look as convinced as he was.
“I guess now would be a good time to talk about angels...”
While saying this, he wasn't concentrated for one moment. The man used that moment to push his own sword into Fred's chest. Fred sank to the ground, the next sentence already on his lips.

The world around Z slowed down while Z saw Fred sinking down. The impact stunned him. He screamed. Everything around him burst into splinters and became dark. He fell into the deep, deep darkness while his hidden power took hold of him.
He looked straight into the eyes of his adversary. Z' eyes now became evil purple. Just with an angry look he made him flying backwards. Then he turned to the men around Fred who tried to push their swords into his body again. With a bloodcurdling scream he made the men suddenly dying. They sank to the ground next to Fred, the expressions on their face a mix out of fear, panic and pure terror.
The world around Z became blood red, the faces were twisting around, accusingly looking at him.
“No, no...”
With a last effort he managed to get hold of himself again, then he just fell down again, into a nightmare of blood and fear.
Everywhere around them the fights slowly stopped. The rebels either died or surrendered. Soldiers took their swords and captivated them.
So did it end now?

[Zabobula]

Wow man, that was pretty deep. Oh and talk about overkill. Lol i shoulda explained my power a bit more but that's fine.

Oh and btw
“I guess now would be a good time to talk about angels...”

LMFAO

EDIT: I noticed i didnt really give a review here. I just caught up in the chapters and they all seem to be pretty freakin sweet. The grammar errors were many but it did not deter me away from the story. I really like your style of storytelling because if I can visualize it, then its a good story. I'm pretty sure everyone has their own visual interpretation of the story. I see this medieval era in my opinion, which may or may not be what you were going for. But the story is good either way.

I think the stories forum has a new top storyteller. O_O