The magic cape!!

[Angel_Adam]

ok,lf2-hacker here is the story of emmet and how did he found the cape:
Emmet is Angel Adam's best friend they knew each other from a long time ago,since they were kids,they were always getting into trouble..
so every person that grows in the Angel empir will be an angel,so when Adam and Emmet grew enough,it was time for them to be angels..
but Emmet and Darius (angel adam's bro) refused,and they escaped..
they went far far away from the empire,but a terrible sandstorm sweeps each of darius and emmet into seperate ways..
emmet found a dark cave he enters there and founds an old man,he gave to emmet water and food,the old man tells off the magic cape to emmet and its legend that it was Ahabs cape(the angel empire first ruler)..
emmet asks the old man to tell him where is the cape??
the old man laughed and says: you can't,eberyone who tries to take the cape his fate will be sealed and will die,..
emmet said that he could do it..
the old man agreed,but with a warning: that no an can reach the cape.no man can..
somehow Julizen the king of darkness offers emmet an agreement,that if he brings to him the diamonds of elemental power he will help him to the cape,
emmet did what he was asked for with a help of adam,,,
emmet asks angel to give him the demon mask,that gives who ever wears it the eternal power..
Angel gave it to him...emmet heds of to the cape and couldnt take it.cuze its protected with the Angel soul,
emmet takes off the mask and,instead of emmet being the controller of the cape,the cape controlls him...

[Ascor]

it's short and cool but try to make
- Direct dialogue
- The last sentence a bit easier to understand
i havent figured out what it's about
i just read something that angel helped emmet to get the demon mask?

[Angel_Adam]

yes,cuze Angel adam was cursed with a dark spell that alows him to trans fom into a demon:

[Reaper]

well, for me it seems as if it was some kind of summary of a much longer story. So much is happening in there. You could write much more about it. But as I guess its for a mod(is it?), its ok.
By the Way: try not to start so many sentences with "Emmet"

[Ascor]

so i decided to overwork this story:

A long time ago in the great Angel empire, there was a boy called emmet.
He had short/middle black/blue(?) hair, brown eyes and was nearly totally normal.
His best friend was called Adam, not much special about him, only a boy like everyone else with brown hairs and green eyes.
But since they we're kids they're allways getting into trouble.
So they have a really good friendship.
But this friendship was nearly destroyed one time.
When Adam and Emmet grew up, it was time for them to get angel's like everybody in the angel's empire.
"Are you scared from beeing an angel?" Adam said one night. The stars were shining over the secret place where adam and emmet had always hidden or talked.
"Yes... and you?"
"Maybe...", Adam said,"but it will surely just be the first moments. And then there are rules who define what you have to do and such stuff"
Emmet was scared because it just sounded like they wanted to rule him.
He doesn't wanted anyone to rule him.
So he asked Darius for help.
Darius was a serious nearly never joking boy.
And he was Adams brother.
It had broken emmets heart to leave adam but he doesn't wanted to get ruled.
By nothing and for nothing in the world.
So they escaped.
The night was silent and only some night birds were singing theire song.
"Darius?"
"Yes, emmet?"
"Where do we go now?"
Emmet felt sick because he was escaping with adam's brother without saying one word to adam.
"I don't know"
After some time they reached the desert.
Emmet's clothes were nearly completely destroyed.
but Darius one's were like new.
Theire provisions were nearly empty.
Emmet was thirsty, hungry and needed some sleep.
But just in the moment he wanted to rest, there was a terrible sandstorm.
"DARIUS! WHERE ARE YOU?!"
Emmet tried to shout against the storm.
It was senseless.
He just saw an Cave which was discovered by the wind.

He stumbled over his feet, but he was in safety.
After the storm was over, emmet decided to search for darius.
there was no trace in the sand.
So he went back to the cave.
Suddenly an old man came out of the shadows.
"STAY BACK, FROM ME!"
Emmet shouted panicly.
"If you don't want food, then i'll do what you want"
Emmet thought that this has to be a trick but... why should someone prepare a trap for people in the middle of the desert?
So he decided to accept the old man.
While emmet eat's the old man started to tell him an old story.
"somewhere, so it says, the empires first ruler, has burried his cape. It is a magic cape but whoever it wears gains magical power."
Emmet was fascinated from the cape. With that he could defeat the empires currently Leader. And then he would accept no rules anymore.
"Where is this cape?"
"nobody knows that. And everyone who wears this cape... will die and his soul will get sealed. but i have to warn you! Everyone who weares this cape will get ruled by it."
Getting ruled by a cape... wasn't that this what he doesn't wanted in the end?

Then a man with a devilish dark aura appeared in front of the cape.
"someone here... talked about a cape... a magical cape. So say: Do you want this cape?"
"yes i want it"
"Then bring me the Diamonds of elemental power"
"I'll do"

Emmet returned to the Angel's Empire.
In a dark and cloudy night he stole them.
The diamonds of elemental power.
But someone stopped him.
It was Adam.
"Why emmet why?"
"I don't want to get controlled. BY ANYONE! Can't you understand?"
"No i can't"
"But please let me escape. For the will of the old times."
"But please take this mask with you... i heard you wanted to wear the magic cape. This will may help you."
Emmet takes the mask from Adam and dissapears in the dark night.

Emmet heads off the diamonds of elemental power to the dark man named julizen.
"so here is you cape. Take it"
Emmet takes the cape and wanted to wear it but...
the mask had forbidden it.
The cape has to be protected from the first rulers soul.
He was an angel and the mask was a demon.
So emmet decided to wear the Cape.
In the moment he weared the cape, the cape took control over him.

This is the story of the magic cape

[Reaper]

very good now. Much longer
Compared to the beginning, the end was very short, but its ok.
Its a bit strange that Emmet takes the cape although he doesn't want to be ruled. If he'd didn't know that it would rule him, then you could make it pretty ironic.
And those short sentences: I wouldn't use them in a story like that. For me they fit in best with sad stories or to show ultimacy/ definitiveness.
Btw: i am not sure wether angel adam wanted you to do this... but its well-made.

[Ascor]

i know he doesn't asked me to do this
i just did this out of boredome
if he says it's bad then i'll delete it.

He takes the cape because:
He doesn't wanted to do this for nothing
i mean
he left his best friend for finding a method how he isn't ruled
but this was the only alternative and he may decided that it's better to get ruled by the cape then get ruled from the empire

[Angel_Adam]

thanks man,it made me cry...
in the sentence:He was an angel and the mask was an demon.
its not an demon its a demon...
maybe ill make a mod about it...

[Ascor]

Corrected
it made you ... cry?
i didn't knew that the story is so good

[Simoneon]

It's not that good.

But somehow I like it (as idea, not as good text or idea explanaition)

*Waiting for evil junior mod (Phil)*

Btw, I liked LF2-hacker much more, but it's not what... what it need... I dunno....... :/

evil mod = bp, evil junior mod = phil, your worst nightmare = noir, damn bastard = don, your god = mh, our beloved ex-mod = yakui(cirno), awesome hexer mod = silva, just marshall = marshall .. i hope you don't mix it up again ~ Phil

Sorry man, You do not need to be so harsh,
btw, You're an a**hole :P

yeah i know.. i am just honest.. what would it help if i would be like "good job continue like this" or "not good but not bad either" ... i tell you what it would achieve.. nothing... NOTHING... he wouldn't improve at all ~ Phil