my story

[Ariel]

i started a story
i dont have a name now soo NVM XD
well it story about Lf2 ~ Lfe
after the fight julian win and just davis and dennis live
they search for new fighter to the big wor :P

part 1 - Grow And Glow (Click to View)

after the world fight I saw my father bleeding on the ground I started to cry but after a few minutes I heard him say something... he told me "Go...p-pick up who..tho-those not die..and r-run away from here..Hurry boy...hu..rry...". Then he died.
It's driving me crazy, I never imagined I would see him dead in my face. At this moment I remembered the day we went to war, I was sure we win but I didn't know this would happen . I stayed alone without anyone, I felt very lonely.
Suddenly I heard someone crying. I went to see what happens there and I saw Clide and his brother Kusari crying for their father who died in the war. I felt we are close becouse there father and my father died in this war. I approached them and saw that Kusari was very wounded in his legs so I quickly helped him and then we took him to some cave so Juilian's army will not see us. We started to organize the cave quickly. unexpectedly we saw an unconscious child so we helped him. I had a feeling that my father's Last sentence was about those fighters.
While we extracted the child from the rocks we saw that his right hand and leg Hand turned to stone it looks like it's part of his body.
Kusari said:"Why you saved me! , was better that I die... Now I just suffer here without drugs, there is no way we would stay alive a few days! dam!"
we were silent, we didn't know what to say. Suddenly, from nowhere surrounded us a bunch of bandits, of course the only think they want it was to fight with us and take all we had
I didnt manage to do something and I already saw clide attacked them. me and dennis went to help him soon as we killed them come more, we didnt understand where they come from. And suddenly I saw earth charging towards them, in his eyes I could see anger and hate.

when he started fighting He had more power than any fighter I saw before even Juilian came not even close.

He made cracks and spikes come out of the ground ,he could take on 5 bandits at once and kill them in the time it took to blink an eye.
While we're fighting them we didn't feel but Kusari was gone and I heard Clide calls me.
I turned and saw him wounded on the ground, I tried to help him but I didn't know what to do, Kusari disappeared and Clide was wounded.
Earth and Dennis protect me when I fall Clide but we didnt know what to do. The bandits were still coming. We began to feel faint.
While I helped Clide I saw a kind of blue light, at first I thought it was a star but it started to grow and grow.

[sadbhav]

Intresting and new concept..... Just work on the grammer part a bit and It'll be very good.

[Reaper]

^Agreed. You've got to work a bit on the grammar, but elsewise it's fine. You've got some hopefully distinct characters with indicated backstories and a general plotline. There's not much more you need to start a story. Or nothing more
This first part is rather short, but it seems like that applies to most of the stories here. Despite the fact that you could have narrated how Davis and Dennis find the other fighters, the fight could have been more detailed as well. The interesting bit is how they fight those bandits, not that and how many.
Last thing to mention.

Then he died.. I ate myself but after a few minutes I start to search fighters

Half a sentence to get his father's death out of his mind?
All in all a nice start. I'm hoping to see some more.

[Ariel]

Thanks guys ill try to work on my grammar
well start part 2 soo...
what u think about the start of part 2? (its not all of part 2 just the start XD)

While we're fighting them we didn't feel but Kusari was gone and I heard Clide calls me.
I turned and saw him wounded on the ground, I tried to help him but I didn't know what to do, Kusari disappeared and Clide was wounded.
Earth and Dennis protect me when I fall Clide but we didnt know what to do. The bandits were still coming. We began to feel faint.
While I helped Clide I saw a kind of blue light, at first I thought it was a star but it started to grow and grow.

[fire power]

It is a nice story but I think you cut to the action 2 fast

In the story you could say how he met the different warriors and how he knew they were the right ones.

And when they fight you could add a little more detail eg I saw earth charging towards them, in his eyes I could see anger and hate.

when he started fighting He had more power than any fighter I saw before even Juilian came not even close.

He made cracks and spikes come out of the ground ,he could take on 5 bandits at once and kill them in the time it took to blink an eye.

[Ariel]

well i change things and i work on what you tell me
hope its better now

(Click to View)

after the world fight I saw my father bleeding on the ground I started to cry but after a few minutes I heard him say something... he told me "Go...p-pick up who..tho-those not die..and r-run away from here..Hurry boy...hu..rry...". Then he died.
It's driving me crazy, I never imagined I would see him dead in my face. At this moment I remembered the day we went to war, I was sure we win but I didn't know this would happen . I stayed alone without anyone, I felt very lonely.
Suddenly I heard someone crying. I went to see what happens there and I saw Clide and his brother Kusari crying for their father who died in the war. I felt we are close becouse there father and my father died in this war. I approached them and saw that Kusari was very wounded in his legs so I quickly helped him and then we took him to some cave so Juilian's army will not see us. We started to organize the cave quickly. unexpectedly we saw an unconscious child so we helped him. I had a feeling that my father's Last sentence was about those fighters.
While we extracted the child from the rocks we saw that his right hand and leg Hand turned to stone it looks like it's part of his body.
Kusari said:"Why you saved me! , was better that I die... Now I just suffer here without drugs, there is no way we would stay alive a few days! dam!"
we were silent, we didn't know what to say. Suddenly, from nowhere surrounded us a bunch of bandits, of course the only think they want it was to fight with us and take all we had
I didnt manage to do something and I already saw clide attacked them. me and dennis went to help him soon as we killed them come more, we didnt understand where they come from. And suddenly I saw earth charging towards them, in his eyes I could see anger and hate.

when he started fighting He had more power than any fighter I saw before even Juilian came not even close.

He made cracks and spikes come out of the ground ,he could take on 5 bandits at once and kill them in the time it took to blink an eye.
While we're fighting them we didn't feel but Kusari was gone and I heard Clide calls me.
I turned and saw him wounded on the ground, I tried to help him but I didn't know what to do, Kusari disappeared and Clide was wounded.
Earth and Dennis protect me when I fall Clide but we didnt know what to do. The bandits were still coming. We began to feel faint.
While I helped Clide I saw a kind of blue light, at first I thought it was a star but it started to grow and grow.

[fire power]

Wow now that is good ( I am not gonna say anything about grammar cause it was a really good story)

And I have an Idea for the next chapter (If you wan't them to kill the bandits)

(Click to View)

Earth suddenly started to glow and a strange noise came out of no where.

The bandits look frightened they didn't know what to expect.

And suddenly there came the biggest explosion I have ever seen or heard,
all that I could see was a green light, but as soon as it started it stopped and then came complete silence.

The next day I woke up with a fright remembering what happened yesterday I tried to stand up but my head ached so bad that I had to sit down again and then I saw Dennis and Earth sleeping next to me.

when I saw the cost was clear I fell asleep once more.

[MnM]

Story's theme:
Good one and nice to see that u involve LF2 characters in it. And, new chars too. Keep it up ^^

Workable on:
grammar, punctuations, spellings and some more explanation about the scene, characters, fighting etc.

Nice start though !!