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Unnamed Story
#1
Critics and Comments recommended.
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#2
It's pretty good (since you don't use improper capitalisation anymore)
You should add more punctuation and grammar fixes, so the story could seem... longer?
[Image: abstractdaad.png]
Graphic Stuff|Tania|Indo Fighter|Sprites|Comics|
News of my days: My graphics skills will go better. Eventually...
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#3
You really got an unique writing style. I liked the beginning very much, sentences like "Someone is our person number two." just make me smile every time.
The part describing how he waits for the judge, how he goes through the whole plan again, how he repeats the basic points was also well-written. However, the end could need a few little tweaks. Right now, it's a bit plain. If you write
Quote:Just get out of the town. That's everything what matters now.
, it has to be resembled by the rest of the text. The man would either be hectic or determined, but fast. But he wouldn't be walking. A few more desriptions might be helpful as well. Maybe there should be footsteps or shouts of the guards be heard? That would also explain why he didn't strike again. Just a suggestion though, maybe you have some other ideas.
All in all it's a good beginning nonetheless. It could be longer, but it is interesting and keeps you hooked.
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