Little fighter - another reasonable beginning

[LukefonFabre4]

Yyep. And that's why I said I'm a noob. Cause stories like this are SO much better than mine. xD

So far, I like how you tied in the females dissapearing in John's story best. but that's just my opinion. :P

[LSwarley]

Yyep. And that's why I said I'm a noob. Cause stories like this are SO much better than mine. xD

So far, I like how you tied in the females dissapearing in John's story best. but that's just my opinion. :P

When did u say u r a noob? o.o

Yeah i have to think of different backgrounds for each char ^^
next might be deep.. idk just had some ideas for him =p

E: no comment about the name i chose? =o

[shin hanazumi]

E: no comment about the name i chose? =o

the story is good enough, name isn't a big prob, c'mon man, create the rudolf story!! XD

[LSwarley]

E: no comment about the name i chose? =o

the story is good enough, name isn't a big prob, c'mon man, create the rudolf story!! XD

Nah rudolf will be one of the last ^^ havent collected enough worthy ideas for him
and name=the name for the side chars xD in johns story i was rlly rlly desperate xP

[Hero destroyer]

Wow. This story is interesting.
Looking forward to see more.

[LSwarley]

thx but im stuck at deep =/ there are way too many possibilities, and im searching for the best story that apply to him with the way i imagine him =p

E: idk y i cant think of something proper =/ mayb cause i always couldnt play well, with him? xD

[Reaper]

Beginning is a bit short, but the other parts have reasonable lengths. A few notes:

- you say lvl in a game, in a story you should write 'level' out.
- Additional background information - Louis' bloodline, the monks - is always awesome.
- 'TM' sounds a bit weird in the LF2 world, but it does add a bit of humor.
- The part where Louis travels to Julian's castle is cut very short. Same goes for the first part of the fight against Julian. You described what Louis does in general, but not how they trade blows etc.

Davis/Dennis/Woody:
I guess most people see those three as brothers or good friends. I like your idea about their background story. 'troublesome trio' has a nice sound to it and I can certainly imagine them like that. However, if the rumour said that all females had disappeared a week ago, shouldn't people have noticed earlier? :P

Henry:
Even if you don't take the Phoenix Palm into account, with his Sonata he does seem like the calm and focussed guy who may very well have lived the live of a monk. Only thing about this chapter I don't like is the non-descriptive fight against the bandits. On another note you might expect Henry to think a bit more about his former life. After all, he later decides to try rescuing his stepmother.

John:
I personally like this part the most. As I read how all the fighters got their powers, I began to wonder about Davis/Dennis/Woody, though.
One suggestion: Your incorporating all the LF2-chars and special moves. What about the backgrounds? As in... Lion Forest, Arctic Volcano, Great Wall... In general we get a lot of information about the characters and what they are doing, but rather few about the environment. That would be the one big thing you could work on.

Grammar and style both are pretty good. One thing you really have to keep an eye on is the tense, though. You tend to switch a lot between present and past tense.
Anyway, good work you've done there. I look forward to seeing some more.

For deep: Having a sword is rather unusual in LF2 (Rudolf's katana isn't a real one and Knight is a subchar so he almsot doesn't count). I wonder how he got it and whether there is anything special about it?

[LSwarley]

yay! thats the critism i wanted to see =p thx ^^

to the notes: i know that =p, but i had those ideas in my mind, and i wanted to write them down, before i change anything is the storyline. ^^
and ofc im aware that the additional info are always welcome, but i never felt like writing/editing =p. (lazy)
btw: im not good at describing fighting scenes ^^, i can imagine them very good, though.
Mostly my words dont get the right effect it should have in this case =p.

Davis/Woody/Dennis: rlly? i thought it was more improvisational =p in any case, if some skills of them arent noted, then they will surely get them along their adventure ^^, there are a whole bunch of possibilities ^^.

Henry: hmm.. ill take that into account. to be honest: i totally forgot the sonata of death of him! xD just had an idea, and ill update him soon enough =p

John: thx, because his part is the longest? well, however like i said Davis/Woody/Dennis right now can do only the basics of melee. theyre like adolescent, and dont have the calm for any focus(manaconsuming attacks), but they can fight because of their reflexes (fighting against a wild animal needs reflexes and speed). Btw: Johns past is a mix of alot of story which created a cliche =p or so i think/thought about it while writing

Background: hmmm.... thats like u said, the biggest thing that is bothering me too.
But ive never felt like studying the single backgrounds nor i have payed attention to them while playing, so basically i dont know anything about them, and unless i get into the mood of continuing the story it will take awhile to establish them into the story =p

Deep: the sword is not a problem, but the reason. i have a really good one for him, but it would contradict the prologue of a peaceful world =p. sword=fights/war prologue=peace x.x id have to change the prologue, but all stories would be affected.
Right now im too lazy to think of an elegant way to fix it. (btw: john story, he follows and she thinks some scavenger is following is also against the prologue, so i have to change it =p)

Grammar and style: thx, =p but like u said the tense is my problem ^^ thats what my teacher also says, and its the reason y i never get the best score in exams =p

E: what the... so many " =p " got to change that habit
E2: just read through the prologue: wtf! did i really wrote it like that? idk y but i thought that i wrote something longer, with the words "peaceful", "no bad things" or something nvm i can continue the story without hesitation now! proves that my memory got worse...

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added Deep past grasp

hmm its longer than a grasp though =p cant finish him right now

[shin hanazumi]

hmmm......
i very like ur stories, thats have a different intro story.
but i want to you to make rudolf's ASAP
k! hehe =p

[LSwarley]

after Deep mayb =p