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12-22-2010, 03:51 PM
Much better already. A cliffhanger is always nice to have at the end of a chapter (Well, maybe not after every chapter or it will also become repetitive :P)
However, you should try to make the chapters a bit longer. as usual, descriptions, feelings (fear maybe?) etc.
Other than that: Brackets. You may actually use them - in the first part it's fine - but not for things essential for understanding the text "it (the portal)" is something you should avoid.
Anyway, your on your way. Try to make the chapters a bit longer and read through them again on the next day if you don't do that already and it will be fine.
However, you should try to make the chapters a bit longer. as usual, descriptions, feelings (fear maybe?) etc.
Other than that: Brackets. You may actually use them - in the first part it's fine - but not for things essential for understanding the text "it (the portal)" is something you should avoid.
Anyway, your on your way. Try to make the chapters a bit longer and read through them again on the next day if you don't do that already and it will be fine.