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04-14-2012, 02:44 PM
Alright.
BluePhoenix - the aftermath:
Nice choice of words and I like how you gave a twist to the original LF2-story. Having Justin tell the story was a nice touch as well. As far as critique goes, I'm afraid I can't add anything to what Azriel said.
The Lost Global Mod - An unusual fighter's romance: While I did like a good part of the story, it's quite apparent you had to rush it. Azriel already commented on the plot, so I'll only say something about the style, which I liked for the most part - it's great that everyone got a distinct way of speaking -, but on some occasions you've got a lot of repetion such as "Jan said... a voice behind Jan said... Jan said... the voice said...". Additionally, some expressions don't work the way they shoudl, such as "Rudolf already charged at him [...] ready to strike any minute", because, well, a minute is a damn long time in a fight.
Azriel - Cursed:
Just like in BluePhoenix's story, I liked your choice of words and the plot itself. The little stylistic details such as Rudolf being referred to as "the one with the twin blades" were the icing on the imaginary cake [Insert tired portal joke here]. The paragraphs seemed a little disconnected at times, which does befit the story, but given their shortness I'm not that fond of it.
empirefantasy - three heroes:
I'm afraid my taste varies a lot from Azriel's and the story structure which he enjoyed in particular really isn't my cup of tea. I agree that the part where they killed Justin and brought him back to the monks was awesome.
I liked the end.
There were a few rather weird expressions - such as the Monks saying "We did some magic stuff to find Julian" or the heroes "turning off" the fire - but I guess most of them were intended and I do have to admit that they added to the hilariousness of the story.
All in all, I liked BP's and Azriels stories best. Even though I don't like the idea of voting for both stories, given their similarity concerning both plot and structure, I can't seem to come to a decision. I liked Azriel's writing style a little better, but at the same time I'm more fond of BP's way of laying out the story. In the end, those even out for me.
BluePhoenix - the aftermath:
Nice choice of words and I like how you gave a twist to the original LF2-story. Having Justin tell the story was a nice touch as well. As far as critique goes, I'm afraid I can't add anything to what Azriel said.
The Lost Global Mod - An unusual fighter's romance: While I did like a good part of the story, it's quite apparent you had to rush it. Azriel already commented on the plot, so I'll only say something about the style, which I liked for the most part - it's great that everyone got a distinct way of speaking -, but on some occasions you've got a lot of repetion such as "Jan said... a voice behind Jan said... Jan said... the voice said...". Additionally, some expressions don't work the way they shoudl, such as "Rudolf already charged at him [...] ready to strike any minute", because, well, a minute is a damn long time in a fight.
Azriel - Cursed:
Just like in BluePhoenix's story, I liked your choice of words and the plot itself. The little stylistic details such as Rudolf being referred to as "the one with the twin blades" were the icing on the imaginary cake [Insert tired portal joke here]. The paragraphs seemed a little disconnected at times, which does befit the story, but given their shortness I'm not that fond of it.
empirefantasy - three heroes:
I'm afraid my taste varies a lot from Azriel's and the story structure which he enjoyed in particular really isn't my cup of tea. I agree that the part where they killed Justin and brought him back to the monks was awesome.
I liked the end.
There were a few rather weird expressions - such as the Monks saying "We did some magic stuff to find Julian" or the heroes "turning off" the fire - but I guess most of them were intended and I do have to admit that they added to the hilariousness of the story.
All in all, I liked BP's and Azriels stories best. Even though I don't like the idea of voting for both stories, given their similarity concerning both plot and structure, I can't seem to come to a decision. I liked Azriel's writing style a little better, but at the same time I'm more fond of BP's way of laying out the story. In the end, those even out for me.