Macrome the Gremlin

[The Lost Global Mod]

first of all welcome in the world of stories where you can let your creativity explode
now let me comment your story in detail

things you should improve

• Grammar.. (here and there are few mistakes f.e "Shouted" shouldn't be with captial letters)
  
• text length (atm it is okay.. but for an really good and thrilling story.. you have to write more ; ) )
  
• Prologue is missing ( it isn't essential. still would be good if you add one, though)
  

things that i like

• julian isn't shown as an bad guy..
  
• its an story about lf2 but somehow has an higher meaning .. not only fighting ( i hope it continues this way)
  

summary
All in all a good, first attempt but you still have alot room for improvment.
Try to improve, take notes(what the story is about, keywords), search for some "beta" tester for your story
generally follow this advices and your story will ways better.

Some hints for rising writers:

* Write down what your story is about, you don't have to be excact just some keywords ( you don't will get lost)
* Write your story in an text programm like word or similar
* Before posting, check your spelling, nothing is more embarrasing than a stupid mistake Smile2
* Take comments serious, even if they hurt you sometimes , they will help you improve
* No master has fallen from the heaven.. not even in case of writing. its practice (you will get alot better if you write alot)