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06-07-2009, 01:38 PM
ok, lets see. its written quite good, although its a bit confusing. What is a noise in your story? Ok, monsters but what are they looking like? And would there be someone saying "make a pact with me!"?
The length is also quite good, but if you make a dialogue, start in a new line if the speaker switches. That makes it a lot easier to follow. I think its also a good idea to write a few things about whats happening around them while they are talking. That makes it easier to imagine the situation.
I have only seen a few spelling mistakes, so another + . some sentences weren't easy to follow, but it wasn't that hard.
So don't really know what else to say. Its a nice beginning and if you use the enter-key a bit more often and write a bit more about whats happening around them, it will be much easier to understand, too.
Good luck.
The length is also quite good, but if you make a dialogue, start in a new line if the speaker switches. That makes it a lot easier to follow. I think its also a good idea to write a few things about whats happening around them while they are talking. That makes it easier to imagine the situation.
I have only seen a few spelling mistakes, so another + . some sentences weren't easy to follow, but it wasn't that hard.
Quote:You Two are gonna get erased sooner or laterI laughed at that one. Wasn't that funny, but in my first story the reaper often said "Sooner or later, I'll get everyone."
So don't really know what else to say. Its a nice beginning and if you use the enter-key a bit more often and write a bit more about whats happening around them, it will be much easier to understand, too.
Good luck.