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I don't have too much time so expect a rather short reviewe.
Positive:
- somehow funny
- no really strange behaviour of the people
- your story is evolving continuously, means new characters show up and new information( about the war, the land, the watchers etc.) get's revealed step-by-step.
Negative:
- This part consists solely of talking, there are almost no descriptions of the surroundings.
- You still use many "well"'s, "and"'s and "(al)so"'s. It's in general no problem in spoken language, where people tend to use it quite often, but I still think you're overdoing it a bit.
- the girl isn't really surprised at the boy not knowing that a war is going on.
All in all this chapter lacked descriptions, but you improved on some of the other critic points. I expect this to become a rather typical fantasy-story( with the watchers and stuff), but you've got the essential parts of that one in your story, so no problem with that.
Good luck.
Positive:
- somehow funny
- no really strange behaviour of the people
- your story is evolving continuously, means new characters show up and new information( about the war, the land, the watchers etc.) get's revealed step-by-step.
Negative:
- This part consists solely of talking, there are almost no descriptions of the surroundings.
- You still use many "well"'s, "and"'s and "(al)so"'s. It's in general no problem in spoken language, where people tend to use it quite often, but I still think you're overdoing it a bit.
- the girl isn't really surprised at the boy not knowing that a war is going on.
All in all this chapter lacked descriptions, but you improved on some of the other critic points. I expect this to become a rather typical fantasy-story( with the watchers and stuff), but you've got the essential parts of that one in your story, so no problem with that.
Good luck.