Chat
Discord
04-03-2010, 06:41 AM
It's not bad for a first effort. 
It's kinda engaging, some grammar issues, but they tend to get better
with time.
If you're looking for examples of what I mean:
"... I sprang out and jumped crazily."
could be better phrased as
"... I sprang up, jumping like crazy."
or
"... She eyerolled."
could be
"... She rolled her eyes."
It's the kind of thing you get used to though, so don't worry too much.
.gif ";)")
It's kinda engaging, some grammar issues, but they tend to get better
with time.
If you're looking for examples of what I mean:
"... I sprang out and jumped crazily."
could be better phrased as
"... I sprang up, jumping like crazy."
or
"... She eyerolled."
could be
"... She rolled her eyes."
It's the kind of thing you get used to though, so don't worry too much.
Trust you're all well.