unnamed prologue

[oliveryungo]

Not bad, I s'pose. Things to point out-
'reflecting ruby red irises'- What the heck?
'Fear and shock hit the cathedral'-Not possible. Cathedrals don't have feelings lah.
'La clarierra. Morra diece monia?'-Oi. Keep to English. I read Angels and Demons and the Da Vinci Code, it was annoying with all the foreign language.
'She was a young woman, who looked almost as old as the young man'-Er.....

Tip: PROOFREAD YOUR STUFF FIRST!! e.g
'stare melancholically'
'Their body was thin'
'one who was still very young and bright, and had yet to see many years ahead of them'
'There was a loud Crash'

All in all, nice story. But description is a bit weird sometimes.