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The Great Bot War
#1
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This is my first story so have mercy I'll update it as soon as I can

prologue (Click to View)
Chapter 1 The Warning (Click to View)
Chapter 2 Secrets Revealed (Click to View)
Chapter 3 The News (Click to View)

Random word of the day (Click to View)
What the hell is yahoo doing (Click to View)
News of the day: I have joined the eggpire, look out ducks I am gonna roast you with my fearsome fire-egg sword!
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#2
Why does this sound like someone else's writing or stories, but instead you've just changed that you made the warning for the bot being there?

One day, I shall become, TUTORIAL-MAN: Superhero of writing overly long, overly annoying tutorials which most people probably won't read, but will give it a stab at the first 5 lines!
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#3
It did look to me like OliverYungo's story.
Feel free to check out My Sprites
"A mistake is simply another way of doing things."
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#4
I dunno but

I wrote the whole thing my self and asked permission by every member in my story

but I must confess that OliverYungo's story inspired me

Random word of the day (Click to View)
What the hell is yahoo doing (Click to View)
News of the day: I have joined the eggpire, look out ducks I am gonna roast you with my fearsome fire-egg sword!
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#5
That'd probably be why I've seen it before then. OliverYungo's stories are the only one's I've kept on reading whenever I could. They do make me chuckle :D.


On topic:
Prologue too short.
Speech on same line - bad.
Too many 'saids' and stuff. All you need is to put the speech on seperate lines and it'd be done.
Chapter 1 is too short.
One day, I shall become, TUTORIAL-MAN: Superhero of writing overly long, overly annoying tutorials which most people probably won't read, but will give it a stab at the first 5 lines!
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#6
(12-30-2010, 02:09 PM)Eddie Wrote:  On topic:
Prologue too short.
Speech on same line - bad.
Too many 'saids' and stuff. All you need is to put the speech on seperate lines and it'd be done.
Chapter 1 is too short.
No Somin
>;3
















Good story, though :p

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#7
I now have released chapter 2 and 3 (I released them together because they are both rather short)

and I am not planing on writing a long story but rather a short and awesome one.

I also changed the 1st chapter so now there aren't so many saids and stuff in it
Random word of the day (Click to View)
What the hell is yahoo doing (Click to View)
News of the day: I have joined the eggpire, look out ducks I am gonna roast you with my fearsome fire-egg sword!
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#8
Er, well, I suppose the backbone of the story isn't bad...(seeing as a lot of it, e.g the idea of a mod hq and a battle between mod and bots, comes from my story)
Problem is exactly that, though. That's an awful lot from my own story O.o as well as the countless grammar mistakes. And oddly, there are...stage directions? like (smiles)
and odd spelling mistakes like "he's" when you're trying to say "his", which makes it more than a little bit weird.
Stories- Wrath of MH-Razen and Clash of the Empires
Warning! Super epicness! (Click to View)
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