Oliver's short stories

[Reaper]

i lol'd

SPAM!!!

that's how i would act in real life too!

And I'd probably react eggsactly the same way if I'd meet you And yay, I got a mysterious hooded guy who can create lightnings and worships me.Aw...
For the new story: The storyline would fit better for a longer story. What is the point of a mysterious guy with epic powers if there is no second chapter that will tell you about him? I know, you might incorporate the story into a longer one, but you might as well not.
Also, for building up tension you will have to make the reader believe that something bad could happen. Sadly it's quite unlikely that members of this forum will die in a short story, but nevertheless you've got to give the reader some time to share the thrill with the endangered character. Except for descriptions and maybe insider's view (thoughts and feelings of the characters) you could at first leave it open whether the stranger is on Tania's side or not.
Excuse me now, I'll search for the hooded guy and steal all his power.Nah, I ain't schizophrenic.
Also: http://www.lf-empire.de/forum/member.php...e&uid=2907