Oliver's short stories

[Taniaetc]

@up: reminds me of:

(Hidden meaning: You should see the banned bot that was online for ZERO seconds.)

@topic: keep up the great work. the story just needs a little bit grammar fix... and ta-dah.
@the julian story-thingy: if there is yin (darkness), where is yang (light)? (aka the dualism theory -> yin-yang -> china [aka the country you were mentioning about])

[oliveryungo]

Updated with a new story. I tried doing a story differently, and I think it isn't as good as my other ones, but hey, practice makes perfect. This one I really need improvement suggestions, because it's in a different tone.

[Taniaetc]

I lol'ed.
Dunno why, but you should make me escape... or do something else.
Make the stories a bit longer, because it's really short, and a little boring.

[oliveryungo]

That is why, tania, this thread is called short stories. Because I lack the inspiration to make it longer. Anyway, my simon vs testuser short story was incorporated into the wrath of mh-razen, so you may see some of these put into another longer story.

[Reaper]

i lol'd

SPAM!!!

that's how i would act in real life too!

And I'd probably react eggsactly the same way if I'd meet you And yay, I got a mysterious hooded guy who can create lightnings and worships me.Aw...
For the new story: The storyline would fit better for a longer story. What is the point of a mysterious guy with epic powers if there is no second chapter that will tell you about him? I know, you might incorporate the story into a longer one, but you might as well not.
Also, for building up tension you will have to make the reader believe that something bad could happen. Sadly it's quite unlikely that members of this forum will die in a short story, but nevertheless you've got to give the reader some time to share the thrill with the endangered character. Except for descriptions and maybe insider's view (thoughts and feelings of the characters) you could at first leave it open whether the stranger is on Tania's side or not.
Excuse me now, I'll search for the hooded guy and steal all his power.Nah, I ain't schizophrenic.
Also: http://www.lf-empire.de/forum/member.php...e&uid=2907

[oliveryungo]

I fixed the dark days of lfe story a little bit. It's a bit longer, and I tried putting some of the improvements reaper suggested.
And....
A funny fact was that NO ONE REALIZED WHO THE HOODED FIGURE WAS. SERIOUSLY. Since just every single story I've written includes moderators, why should THIS ONE BE ANY DIFFERENT?!
Nah, I'm not freaking out. I just find it weird that none of you realized who the guy was. No prizes for guessing who either.
Hint- hooded figure. Who could THAT be?

@Reaper- You don't use lightning, that privilege goes to SirFrog's Asc'An. You use magic, remember?
I do know what kind of powers I have. But in the first version the hooded guy/I used lightning. That's why I saw him as a member of a dark brotherhood worshipping me by wearing the same clothes and doing my job :P ~ Reaper

Reaper edited this post 08-22-2010 11:34 AM because:

No reaper-brotherhood guys who dress like me then? Aw... I thought I wouldn't be a pathetic guy with lightning powers, though.